"Well off get a smaller share..?"Wondered what most people think regarding this...I know everyone will have their own ideas about when the time goes how should things be divvied up. If you have all great kids, and some have married into wealth...do they get the same as those who haven't? I hope this doesn't turn ugly like so many threads here of late have. Please keep it civil and remember we are all entitled to believe the way we do. Discuss.:hobbyhors
pheasantplucker
Equally. If those who are better off want to then help the less well off in the family that is their choice. Leaving something to my loved ones is not based on the choices they made or how successful they are or are not. I love equally and cannot imagine doing something to make one or the other think that they are less in important or deserving.
I have 2 siblings that have not made good choices (living the high life, need to purchase every new gadget, up to their eyeballs in credit card debt). My mom knows about their choices and these siblings have a hard time making ends meet.
DH & I are just the opposite. We do not have better paying jobs that my siblings, but we save, we pay in cash, we don't use credit cards, etc...and life appears easier for us because we are not working to contantly pay off debt.
I would hope that my mom would equally divide any of her assets that she chooses to leave to us siblings. My feelings would be hurt if she gave more to my siblings due to their life choices. That being said, it's my mom's money and she can leave it to whomever and however she wants. A little part of me figures that my brother will get more than my sister and I just becuase he's always been the baby (hahaha at 43 yrs old), still lives at home, doesn't pay rent, etc... and is more favored, KWIM?
DH & I are just the opposite. We do not have better paying jobs that my siblings, but we save, we pay in cash, we don't use credit cards, etc...and life appears easier for us because we are not working to contantly pay off debt.
I would hope that my mom would equally divide any of her assets that she chooses to leave to us siblings. My feelings would be hurt if she gave more to my siblings due to their life choices. That being said, it's my mom's money and she can leave it to whomever and however she wants. A little part of me figures that my brother will get more than my sister and I just becuase he's always been the baby (hahaha at 43 yrs old), still lives at home, doesn't pay rent, etc... and is more favored, KWIM?
With any kind of luck, their dad and I will spend anything we have before we die. 
However, if for whatever reason we end up with more than we expect, or less time to dither it away, I'm with emdeengee.
Whatever choices, incomes, etc. they make in life are theirs to make. I will leave my estate equally because I love my children equally.
Besides, I've seen what unequal distribution does to the heirs and it t'ain't pretty...
However, if for whatever reason we end up with more than we expect, or less time to dither it away, I'm with emdeengee.
Whatever choices, incomes, etc. they make in life are theirs to make. I will leave my estate equally because I love my children equally.
Besides, I've seen what unequal distribution does to the heirs and it t'ain't pretty...
Well said. It has never crossed my mind to distribute anything that is left in unequal amounts.
Whatever gets decided, the heirs or potential heirs should be informed before the person leaving the inheritance actually passes. This keeps sibling 1 from jumping to the conclusion that sibling 2 "done them wrong", that type of thing. If there are hard feelings, let them be directed at the one who made the decision and not split a family apart.
I agree with ErinP. Our 2 sons are at very different income levels but we will leave whatever we have equally. As Erin says "I've seen what unequal distribution does to the heirs and it t'aint pretty." I've seen siblings who never hardly spoke to one another again after mom or dad thought one needed more help than the others.With any kind of luck, their dad and I will spend anything we have before we die.
However, if for whatever reason we end up with more than we expect, or less time to dither it away, I'm with emdeengee.
Whatever choices, incomes, etc. they make in life are theirs to make. I will leave my estate equally because I love my children equally.
Besides, I've seen what unequal distribution does to the heirs and it t'ain't pretty...
edit: Mo'cows, I know of one family whose sons hardly speak to their parents because they announced that the larger portion of their estate would go to the daughter. sad situation
To those who say they will do it equally, what about if you have property? Like a farm or homestead?
Will you leave it to them 'all' together, or pick the one who is likely to want to be there and use the place?
I like to imagine the assets would get divided 'fairly', but I am not sure that always means EQUALLY. Depends on the circumstances kind of.
Suppose one of your children basically disowns you and you never hear from them in your declining years?
What about the one who has stuck by you and is willing to change your diapers if need be?
Would you really feel they both should get the same share of your estate?
I dont know, honestly. Hopefully I have many years to get it all ironed out.
Will you leave it to them 'all' together, or pick the one who is likely to want to be there and use the place?
I like to imagine the assets would get divided 'fairly', but I am not sure that always means EQUALLY. Depends on the circumstances kind of.
Suppose one of your children basically disowns you and you never hear from them in your declining years?
What about the one who has stuck by you and is willing to change your diapers if need be?
Would you really feel they both should get the same share of your estate?
I dont know, honestly. Hopefully I have many years to get it all ironed out.
They'll both get it.
It'll then be their choice to decide if they sell and split the money or one sells their half to the other.
You raise a good question. Would we want the farm to stay intact if at all possible? I think there are many different situations and many different solutions. No one can say what they would do untill they are faced with the situation.To those who say they will do it equally, what about if you have property? Like a farm or homestead?
Will you leave it to them 'all' together, or pick the one who is likely to want to be there and use the place?
I like to imagine the assets would get divided 'fairly', but I am not sure that always means EQUALLY. Depends on the circumstances kind of.
Suppose one of your children basically disowns you and you never hear from them in your declining years?
What about the one who has stuck by you and is willing to change your diapers if need be?
Would you really feel they both should get the same share of your estate?
I dont know, honestly. Hopefully I have many years to get it all ironed out.
It's all equally. They can decide which properties to sell and which to keep. Not my business to tell them to keep the house they grew up in or not.
You could figure that the ones who "need it the most" have already received an inheritance, sometimes multiple times, while the parents are alive.
I think of the story of the Prodigal Son. He took his inheritance and squandered it. When he returned home, his father welcomed him with weeping and killed the fatted calf. But, he told the other son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. The prodigal was welcomed back, but not given a second inheritance.
There's not going to be an easy way to divide an estate when the circumstances are not easy. jmo
I think of the story of the Prodigal Son. He took his inheritance and squandered it. When he returned home, his father welcomed him with weeping and killed the fatted calf. But, he told the other son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. The prodigal was welcomed back, but not given a second inheritance.
There's not going to be an easy way to divide an estate when the circumstances are not easy. jmo
Equally. We hope to keep our farm intact and would like to set it up where it will remain a wildlife habitat. Both my kids are cool with that and they would both share control of it.
My parents' farm (86 acres) will be split equally between myself and my two siblings. My sister already has a portion of her's and built a house on it 18 years ago. Most likely my brother will get the 30 so acres across the road as it's all woods and he can use it for hunting. I (oldest child) will get the house and probably a smaller portion of property (will let sister have equal amount of acreage as brother gets).
My mom actually tried to get my dad to sign a will on his deathbed that would give everything to my brother, but my brother got very upset about it. So it will be divided as my Daddy always wanted it to be.
My sister gets bent out of shape over the favoritism our mother shows our brother, but I figure it's no big deal. My brother doesn't take advantage of it and tried to discourage it.
My parents' farm (86 acres) will be split equally between myself and my two siblings. My sister already has a portion of her's and built a house on it 18 years ago. Most likely my brother will get the 30 so acres across the road as it's all woods and he can use it for hunting. I (oldest child) will get the house and probably a smaller portion of property (will let sister have equal amount of acreage as brother gets).
My mom actually tried to get my dad to sign a will on his deathbed that would give everything to my brother, but my brother got very upset about it. So it will be divided as my Daddy always wanted it to be.
My sister gets bent out of shape over the favoritism our mother shows our brother, but I figure it's no big deal. My brother doesn't take advantage of it and tried to discourage it.
I hope the dh's parents leave the farm to his sister. If we get a few things or some money that would be nice, but we are fine. I know dh brother doesn't want the farm, we have a farm 9 hours away, and no way will dh sister be able to afford to buy anybody out. also, she will probably be the one to help them as they age because she is the one who is there.
My dad says he's going to spend it all. My brother and I said "just don't spend it all too soon - we don't want to support you."
My dad says he's going to spend it all. My brother and I said "just don't spend it all too soon - we don't want to support you."
Nope - not divided equally.
One wealthy son with 2 children. One fair to middlin' daughter. I've already spoken to both & they're in accord. My daughter gets half, the 2 grandkids get to split my son's half. They can sell everything they want except a few family heirlooms.
The way the world is going - she and the grandkids will need it most - if there's anything left.
One wealthy son with 2 children. One fair to middlin' daughter. I've already spoken to both & they're in accord. My daughter gets half, the 2 grandkids get to split my son's half. They can sell everything they want except a few family heirlooms.
The way the world is going - she and the grandkids will need it most - if there's anything left.
Hmmmmm. Interesting thread. And lately there have been several threads about parents signing over everything to their caretaker or "friends" and leave the kids nothing.
Several ways to look at it though - did the caretaker or friend coerce them into it? Why is the caretaker looking after them - why aren't the kids? Do they get along? Does the kids live away from the parents?
We only have 1 child, so there won't be any dividing. But the best way to get rid of your estate is to gift it into your children's names before you die. Why on earth should the Federal government and state get part of the estate? The parents worked hard on amassing it (and already paid taxes on it), and now once they are gone and have something left, the government wants it to be taxed AGAIN!
However, don't start spending your inheritence before you get it!!! All it takes for that estate to disappear is major medical bills or several years of nursing home care and there won't be anything left to split. And do your parents even HAVE a will drawn up?
I would assume if I had more than one child it would be split equally. It doesn't really matter how much the children have does it? They all had the equal opportunity to make "something" of themselves. Some have more "drive", some don't. But I suppose sometimes fate just hands someone constant bad luck. It's not their fault they aren't as successful as their sibling.
Yep, inheritences sure do bring out the worst in people! Even for the parent who has a will, and everything "covered", during the splitting of the estate, things come up that have the siblings fighting.
And Lord help you if you have Step-siblings in the mix!
Several ways to look at it though - did the caretaker or friend coerce them into it? Why is the caretaker looking after them - why aren't the kids? Do they get along? Does the kids live away from the parents?
We only have 1 child, so there won't be any dividing. But the best way to get rid of your estate is to gift it into your children's names before you die. Why on earth should the Federal government and state get part of the estate? The parents worked hard on amassing it (and already paid taxes on it), and now once they are gone and have something left, the government wants it to be taxed AGAIN!
However, don't start spending your inheritence before you get it!!! All it takes for that estate to disappear is major medical bills or several years of nursing home care and there won't be anything left to split. And do your parents even HAVE a will drawn up?
I would assume if I had more than one child it would be split equally. It doesn't really matter how much the children have does it? They all had the equal opportunity to make "something" of themselves. Some have more "drive", some don't. But I suppose sometimes fate just hands someone constant bad luck. It's not their fault they aren't as successful as their sibling.
Yep, inheritences sure do bring out the worst in people! Even for the parent who has a will, and everything "covered", during the splitting of the estate, things come up that have the siblings fighting.
And Lord help you if you have Step-siblings in the mix!
Well, I can give my daughter and her husband, up to $13,000 EACH every year and there is no tax, on either them or me.
I just remember when my mom died, getting $$$ that I REALLY could have used in dribs and drabs over the decades. Would have made my life, and my daughter's a wee bit better along the way.
Mon
I just remember when my mom died, getting $$$ that I REALLY could have used in dribs and drabs over the decades. Would have made my life, and my daughter's a wee bit better along the way.
Mon
My parents are very intent upon equal division - occasionally, they have gifted us kids (4) at different times, kitchen cabinets, money for surgery, etc. Then they rewrite the will to reflect the running totals each child has received.
My dad grew up the middle of 3 - and knows what it feels like to be left out. When both your sibs get birthday cake & a present on their birthdays, and you don't get either on yours...
We'll do equal splits here, when our turn comes.
My dad grew up the middle of 3 - and knows what it feels like to be left out. When both your sibs get birthday cake & a present on their birthdays, and you don't get either on yours...
We'll do equal splits here, when our turn comes.
Unequally for now. We have 5 married kids and one still at home. The one still at home gets a bigger share - or rather, the ones designated to take him in - get a larger share to cover the costs of raising him. Once he is through college, etc, it will revert to equal shares. The math shouldn't be too hard for them to do, since we don't plan on leaving much behind.
My parents estate is going to my alma mater as is mine. Leaving estates to universities eliminates a load of squabbling after your feed for the worms.
My father decided that was the best solution after my older brother went out on his path but always pestered him about what they were going to leave him when they croaked whenever he called and I graduated and started building my own life.
As he pointed out to me all he had when he started out was an education and a goal and he started me out with an education and the goal to build something of my own.
As I got older I understood that an education and the desire of a goal is the only legacy we need to pass on and giving what we acquire for pleasure and creature comfort during the pursuit of our ultimate goals to the educational institution of our choice gives extra strength to the education aspect of the legacy we pass on.
My father decided that was the best solution after my older brother went out on his path but always pestered him about what they were going to leave him when they croaked whenever he called and I graduated and started building my own life.
As he pointed out to me all he had when he started out was an education and a goal and he started me out with an education and the goal to build something of my own.
As I got older I understood that an education and the desire of a goal is the only legacy we need to pass on and giving what we acquire for pleasure and creature comfort during the pursuit of our ultimate goals to the educational institution of our choice gives extra strength to the education aspect of the legacy we pass on.
Upon death --- Equally amongst our 5 children, or their surviving children if they are deceased.
In the present, we try to give equally ---- either amongst the 5 kids, or equally amongst the 15 grandchildren.
We don't follow it to the dollar with the grandchildren.
They all get the same on birthday and Christmas gifts ---- but then some many get extra for school tuition or a basketball camp or such.
Biological, adopted and step-grandchildren are pretty much all treated the same.
In the present, we try to give equally ---- either amongst the 5 kids, or equally amongst the 15 grandchildren.
We don't follow it to the dollar with the grandchildren.
They all get the same on birthday and Christmas gifts ---- but then some many get extra for school tuition or a basketball camp or such.
Biological, adopted and step-grandchildren are pretty much all treated the same.
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