I know what you mean. DH used to work rotating shifts...3 days on, 3 days off, 3 NIGHTS on, 3 nights off, and start over. I know that was harder than straight nights, but still. It is so aggravating. Also, we have always had a weird schedule. Until just recently, he worked 12 hour shifts and when he was on his day shift, he didn't get home until 9 pm. By the time we had dinner together, and he spent time with the kiddos, we would be up until 1-2 am. Then, people couldn't understand why my kids were in bed until 9-10 in the morning. They felt I should just live on our schedule and let DH deal with it. They are HSed and I can live on whatever schedule I want, so we chose to let them have more time with their daddy!

No, many people don't get that not everyone fits in their boxes, and I swear I had one family member that seemed to go out of her way to call when he was sleeping! But, put your foot down for your DH's sake...or get call blocking!

BTW, I think it is great that you live on his schedule!

Rachael

 

Do you have caller ID? If not, get it. Don't pick up the phone if it is her. There will be a lot of ringing for a couple of days, but she'll get the idea eventually. When you call her back and she complains, just tell her that the two of you must have been in deep sleep because you didn't hear the phone ring.

If she leaves a message, fine. If you don't have caller id, but you do have an answering machine, let the machine get it and you can screen your calls that way.

My exDH worked nights for a while. He'd be in bed two hours, and his father would call. Grrrr! exDH would jump out of bed and go running to check Dad's plumbing (yes, he could well afford a plumber), jump out of bed to change the oil in Dad's car, etc. I told him go back to sleep, but he wouldn't. It was his DF's way of getting and giving attention- being unappreciative and obnoxious. Oh well, I'm out of that scenario now. I wish you luck on your daytime sleeping.

 

I didn't work nights but I did have a job that required me to get up about 4:00 am so I had to go to bed very early and I had a friend that liked to call about 11:00 pm and never seemed to catch on when I kept mentioning that I had to get up in a couple hours. A couple days in a row, I called her to chat at about 4:15 am and she seemed a bit unhappy about being woken up and by the second day, she asked me if there was a better time for her to call me.

 

Why on earth do you answer the phone when she calls? If you don't have caller ID, get it. If you don't screen your calls, consider doing it. Get a cell phone so the folks with health problems have a special "emergency line" they can call you on. You can get phones where you pre-pay and it is not expensive.

If she didn't get it the first, second and third time, ask yourself why you are friends with her. There is no law that says you need to be friends with someone because you share DNA.


The best thing we did was GET RID OF our answering machine, and land line and got cell phones. We only give out the number to folks we want to hear from.

 

I didn't work nights but I did have a job that required me to get up about 4:00 am so I had to go to bed very early and I had a friend that liked to call about 11:00 pm and never seemed to catch on when I kept mentioning that I had to get up in a couple hours. A couple days in a row, I called her to chat at about 4:15 am and she seemed a bit unhappy about being woken up and by the second day, she asked me if there was a better time for her to call me.

This is what I was going to suggest. Call and wake her butt up. Maybe yell a bit.

 

See if you have call blocking.

Next time she calls and wakes you, say "This is really a bad time for us, as I've explained before. I'm going to block your number so we can get some much needed rest. If there's an emergency, get X or Y to phone us and let us know. In a month or so when we're not so exhausted we'll take the call blocking off but right now we really need our sleep."

That will royally tick her off but you won't know about it because your phone won't be ringing. After a month maybe she'll have had time to cool down and think things over from your perspective.

 

I worked 11pm-5am at a local hospital, went home and to sleep right away. A friend would call about 9-9:30am and ask what I was doing...I always answered I WAS SLEEPING.

Started calling her between 3-4 in the morning...Hey! Whatcha doin'?...didn't take but about 3 times to fix the problem.

And really, if you get up to check caller ID, even if you don't answer the phone, you're AWAKE...and likely PO'd too! Can't sleep then!

Now, I do know of night workers that sleep in the evening...and some sleep in the morning. So, best thing to do is let EVERYONE know when you sleep and that you expect NO calls during your "down time". If someone calls, tell them it's the middle of YOUR night, hang up, then return the call that night when you're sure they're sleeping.

Mon

 

turtlehead NAILED it

 

I'm with WR & Frogmammy, call her at 4 in the morning to "chat her up" and see what she says.

 

Don't call her to just chat at 4 am. Call her just before you go to bed, whether 2, 3, or 4am and tell her you are going to bed and will be getting up at 2 pm, or whatever time you get up. After a few of those calls, I am sure she will get the idea. If not, just keep it up until she does. She can't get mad because you are being kind enough to call her and let her know when you are sleeping.

 

I hate that. I have worked strange hours (still do) and after a double shift and a couple hours driving to come home at 9 am and just get to bed and have people start calling or beating on my door was just incredibly annoying. At one point I even put "night shift worker - do not disturb" on my door but people still knocked.

It is just the way it is I'm afraid. When you work those hours you ever get decent rest.

My favorite was my boss. After I worked 16 hours and drove back home he'd call about work and have the nerve to ask if I was asleep. No, Bob I've been up for 30 hours or more, just worked 18 hours and drove home why on earth would I be sleeping? Or he'd call me right after I got home and ask me if I could be back to work in 3 or 4 hours.

 

I unplug the phone. It is mine, My house, and I have a right to not hear it ring

 

This is what I was going to suggest. Call and wake her butt up. Maybe yell a bit.

Yes, I would try, one more time,to explain it to her,and if she STILL can't get it, I'd turn the tables. I understand,as my DH works graveyard shift as well, & I don't like turning the ringer off,just in case of emergency w/ family members. Good luck!

 

Phone is there for my convenience, no one elses. I get up at 2:30am to get ready to leave at 4am for work. Usually in bed by 8 or 8:30. I do check email when I get up. People will call me at home mid morning.... Not sure why they do not know I am not home then. I carry a cell all the time and the number is easy to get as I run a small business on the side. I drive truck during the day and can talk some at work. Tom

 

I have exactly the same problem. I have my own (creative) business & I can pick my own work-hours. Since I'm a night-person I usually work late afternoon/evenings, up to midnight or sometimes even later if I'm meeting a deadline.
My husband doesn't have to start working untill 12 (mid-day, don't remember if you guys call that am or pm) so he's on a late scedule as well, fortunately.

The problem I have is not so much people calling, but people thinking that I'm lazy! They are like: "Are you STILL in bed at 11"?? While they know that sometimes I might work up untill 5 in the morning. That gives me only 6 hours to sleep! Meh.

Calling at 4 o'clock at night is a great idea. I'm pretty sure that she will get the message then. lol

Anyway, I feel sleepy now. *little yawn*
So I'm going to bed. ;-D

 

dh works nights....there's no phone in the bedroom. I got rid of the cordless long ago. As nice as they are they're useless when a teenager doesn't put them back on the charger. I sleep with the bedroom door open s I can hear the phone if need be. There's no way I'm going to wake him up for a call either.

 

DH gets up at 5 AM everyday but DS lives out of state as a musician and bartender.
DS used to call us after his gigs to tell us how it went, now I know he was on a stage high and just wanted to share his excitment with his loving parents but after the 3 or 4 time I was a bit fed up so I started calling his cell phone at 6 AM to "find out how he was doing" I did not raise a stupid child, it only took 2 calls for him to get the message. LOL
He now calls the next day to let us know how the gigs went.

 

Jenn said:
I don't know how to handle her at this point, she's one who is always right and just impossible to talk to. But, she is the only family *I* have, so I probably let her get away with way too much.

Well, there is your problem. She is using controlling and manipulative behavior to get attention, and you are enabling her.

You need to hang up on her when she calls you during your sleep time, or get caller ID as other's have suggested and just stop picking up. I would not play games with her...just be honest and upfront about it (with either option). If you choose the hang-up option, explain to her first that you are doing it because, while her calls may seem "important" to her, they are not as important as your getting a decent night's rest. You will accept her calls during your "awake" hours and only then, unless it's an emergency.

 

just got menu on your cellphone, and set her incomming # to no ring tone.

see, cell phones and no house phones are really a step up, they are really flexable.

you could even set her personal ringtone to be a lullaby ir some real quiet smooth music, it wouldnt wake you up.

I have different rings for different people.
some of them are REAL quiet...
some are really LOUD and obnoxious so as to get my attention in a deep sleep.

I have it set as a 3 stage wake up alarm...
the first one to go off is a rooster.... if that doesnt work, the next one is a VERY loud car alarm. failing those, the last one is the entire scottish national anthem played on a bagpipe.
and it will wake the dead.

21st century flexability.

you can even set a ringBACK tone so that the ring the caller hears while they wait for you to answer... you could make HER ringback a message..... "we're sorry, the number you have reached is not in service, in area code 555. Please check the number, and dial again".

so much fun to have so little time to live... sigh

 

Guess who just set the unknown caller to no ringtone.

My ex worked nights the whole time we were together and for about a year I had to get up at 3 am to be at work at 4, I agree with calling her a few times in the wee hours should get the message.

 

I have tried calling her at odd hours to see if she gets the point... she doesn't. *sigh*

Think I'm going to have to just suck it up and start hanging up on her, though that will enrage her and make the problem worse for a bit till she learns... have to check on call block too. I like the idea of calling her when I go to bed and telling her I'll be up, may try that, though I feel awful for waking her husband. He's a sweet guy with a great sense of boundaries and needs his sleep too, but something has to change.

BTW, Rose, I'm the same way... DH went on a four day hunting trip and it was not pretty, lol.

Just drives me crazy... she KNOWS what she's doing, too. :grump:

 

Think I'm going to have to just suck it up and start hanging up on her, though that will enrage her and make the problem worse for a bit till she learns...

Childish tantrum...it will pass. But at least expain to her why you are doing this first, so she will recognize this as a result of her behavior and not your arbitrary coldness.

I like the idea of calling her when I go to bed and telling her I'll be up, may try that, though I feel awful for waking her husband. He's a sweet guy with a great sense of boundaries and needs his sleep too, but something has to change.

Why punish him for her behavior? Just be honest with her and stick to your convictions. It may cause a slight rift in your relationship, but she will learn to respect you more for it. She is not showing much respect right now. Aren't you worth it?

 

I had a friend who used to call me at 4 am, just to talk.

That stopped when I started calling him at 11:30 pm, just to talk.

 

I don't know that this person is acting badly because a lot of people don't realize that shift work is a lifestyle not a job. Many just plan their days based on their own life experiences and if they have never had to work odd hours or shifts, they really can't understand that in order to survive, you really do have to live the odd hours all the time.

 

I did like some of the others said. I had a friend who always did that, so I started calling her at 3 a.m. and when she'd ask what time it was or did I realize how late it was I'd just say, sure but since you call me all the time when you know I'm sleeping I didn't think you'd mind, and then launch into some totally irrelevant and unimportant story.

And every time she'd try to get off the phone, I'd say oh yeah, you were asleep right? and then just keep on talking...because that's what she always did to me. After the third time, she never woke me up again, lol. It would have been nice if she would have admitted she was wrong or apologized, but I guess that would have been asking too much.

I've had sort of the same problem with work. I work at home, and I've had some people that just didn't get it. They think just because I'm at home I have all the time in the world to stop and gab when they drop in. I have broken them of it, but it took some doing.

When I'm self-employed it's not such a big deal, I can work around it if I have to, although it breaks my "rhythm", but like right now I may work at home, but I'm on a time clock just like anyone that goes to an outside business to work, and they keep track and I get in trouble if I'm away from the computer for too long.

You'd be amazed how hard it is to get some people to understand that, my landlady being the worst one ever! I've lived here eight months now and have explained numerous times and she will still call or just bang on the door and expect me to just drop everything to listen to her gab for an hour or more about nothing I care to hear anyway.