I lucked into a terrific second marriage, after enduring my first, which was not so good. Based on my experience I would list the following criteria:

Find someone who has the same approach to money that you do. If you are a saver, marry a saver.

Don't take on a project. The best candidate for a spouse is one who doesn't need fixing. Pick the happy person.

Never talk someone into marrying you. It is important to find someone you want, but also someone who wants you just as much. All other things being equal, take a hard look at the one who has stars in her eyes for you.

 

Pretty meaningless statistic considering they only count the percentage of the population who has been divorced, not who has been married and divorced. In a state where no one was married the percentage of the population who divorced would be zero.

 

Have been married almost 38 years. We were teenagers and broke. Have been through so much together. We are still happy. According to that article we shouldn't have made it because we got married way young, were poor, and didn't have a college education.

In my opinion a marriage will last not based on the above things - it lasts because two people love each other more than anything in the whole world, and they honor their marriage vows. Nobody talks about love or honoring your marriage vows anymore - it's just stupid statistics. Whatever!

 

Have been married almost 38 years. We were teenagers and broke. Have been through so much together. We are still happy. According to that article we shouldn't have made it because we got married way young, were poor, and didn't have a college education.

In my opinion a marriage will last not based on the above things - it lasts because two people love each other more than anything in the whole world, and they honor their marriage vows. Nobody talks about love or honoring your marriage vows anymore - it's just stupid statistics. Whatever!

We're right with you on that statistic SageLady. 10 years later we "never should have been able to make it" either. We were 19/20 and broke, but i credit the hard times with making us stronger, not weaker.

 

DH and I only knew each other less than 2 months when we got married, that was almost 27 years ago. When we talked about marriage, we also agreed that divorce was not an option. When you take that off the table, you have a tendency to work through most things. BUT, the main reason I believe our marriage is as strong as it is, is because we have always put God first, kept the lines of communication open and treat one another with respect.

 

"Marriages are more likely to last for longer periods of time when people marry at an older age, have a higher education and earn more, and New Jersey scores high on these three criteria ..

What?
And here I thought the secret to success was getting married very young, so as not to succumb to the temptation of premarital sex.

:doh:

 

Sagelady and sunshine. If you combine your replys you got our solution. We will be married 33 years on the 20th.

 

I spotted this on MSN.com and thought that it might be a nice topic to discuss. We often see posts announcing that somebody is getting married or showing photos from a recent ceremony.

This article cites some things that seem to bode well for marital bliss...What would you add to their ideas for things that can lead to marital success?

Which States Have the Lowest Divorce Rates?- The Heart Beat - MSN Living

I am not one who buys into 'statistics'.
There is not enough information in this article for me to 'buy into' what they are selling.
Places like Jersey and New York both have heavily populated ethnic pockets, and the statistic may be skewed because one particular group (and a large one at that) may hold to traditional values with and iron fist, and that will make the "whole statistic" look greater than it is.......

I doubt it is a 'location' that makes marriages last longer.

Idea's that lead to marital success?
I have no input....

 

It's not location, Laura. It's demographic of that location. (The article says this) And we've known for years that the New England states had the lowest divorce rate.
This isn't news...This is the first time I've read the theory of why, though.

According to that article we shouldn't have made it because we got married way young, were poor, and didn't have a college education.

Statistical probability is not synonymous with "guarantee."
Say there's a 75% chance that young, poor and under educated will divorce, that means there's a 25% chance that they won't.

Personally, this has been my observation as well in a completely unscientific bunch of anecdotal observations. I have yet to know a close friend of family member who divorced when both spouses were college educated. In every case, at least one was not.
I don't know too many people who are upper middle class or higher, so I don't really have experience with that one. And the age of marriage seems to be skewed toward those who wait til at least their mid20s...

 

Interesting responses so far! Studies like this one always seem to draw slightly dubious conclusions from the data that they collect. I would have liked to see some more of the study and I would have liked to take a peek at the demographics, the religious backgrounds of the participants and what the cultural mores are for those groups.

I agree that you should not take on a spouse that needs "fixing" and that you and your spouse should have similar goals and habits. Hubby and I are polar opposites when it comes to certain things, but our goals are pretty well aligned. I think that our strengths and weaknesses are pretty well balanced.

According to this article, I was too young when we married but hubby is 12 years older than I am. We also didn't fit the educational portion that is cited. I met him just before I started college and we dated for months, not years. Education is continuous for us, which (I think) allows us to grow together. This seems to be the culture of the area that we live in and we are surrounded by lots of colleges, universities and trade schools. We live in a fairly affordable area of the country, so we were able to afford a home and a few luxuries along the way. In other words, we have been blessed to not have alot of the struggles that some other families have endured. I think that strife can either draw you closer to a spouse or shatter it into a million pieces.

In our case, divorce is essentially not an option. That doesn't mean that it is completely off the table as I would divorce him if I ever learned that he cheated and vice versa. For the most part, we would try our level best to work anything else out.

My husband and I do not share the same faith, though we try to live our family motto of 'Do the right thing for no other reason than because it is the right thing to do.'

 

The article also doesn't reflect the level of satisfaction in a marriage-- there is a big difference between a couple that are happily partnered up through life and a couple that decides divorce may not be an option but live their lives through affairs and compulsive shopping to cope with an unsatisfying marriage. I suspect you may find a lot of that in the NJ demographic if you took a good hard look at the people instead of the numbers.

What?
And here I thought the secret to success was getting married very young, so as not to succumb to the temptation of premarital sex.

Interesting side note--- I know a woman who married a man who was 30 and a virgin-- entering the marriage she was a lot more confidant that she wouldn't have to worry about him straying because he had wrestled with sexual temptation and resisted before they had even met.
Like I said, interesting perspective. I don't think marrying before you get tempted is the point, I think it's supposed to be a test of character and self control.

 

Interesting responses so far! Studies like this one always seem to draw slightly dubious conclusions from the data that they collect. I would have liked to see some more of the study and I would have liked to take a peek at the demographics, the religious backgrounds of the participants and what the cultural mores are for those groups.

I agree that you should not take on a spouse that needs "fixing" and that you and your spouse should have similar goals and habits. Hubby and I are polar opposites when it comes to certain things, but our goals are pretty well aligned. I think that our strengths and weaknesses are pretty well balanced.

According to this article, I was too young when we married but hubby is 12 years older than I am. We also didn't fit the educational portion that is cited. I met him just before I started college and we dated for months, not years. Education is continuous for us, which (I think) allows us to grow together. This seems to be the culture of the area that we live in and we are surrounded by lots of colleges, universities and trade schools. We live in a fairly affordable area of the country, so we were able to afford a home and a few luxuries along the way. In other words, we have been blessed to not have alot of the struggles that some other families have endured. I think that strife can either draw you closer to a spouse or shatter it into a million pieces.

In our case, divorce is essentially not an option. That doesn't mean that it is completely off the table as I would divorce him if I ever learned that he cheated and vice versa. For the most part, we would try our level best to work anything else out.

My husband and I do not share the same faith, though we try to live our family motto of 'Do the right thing for no other reason than because it is the right thing to do.'

DH and I are 8 years apart in age, but I'm older than him. He enlisted in the USAF straight out of highschool and has never taken a college class. I went to college but didn't complete it. So I agree that education and age are irrelevant. BTW, DH was 18 when we married, I robbed the cradle. LOL

 

DH and I are 8 years apart in age, but I'm older than him. He enlisted in the USAF straight out of highschool and has never taken a college class. I went to college but didn't complete it. So I agree that education and age are irrelevant. BTW, DH was 18 when we married, I robbed the cradle. LOL

(Sonshine is a cradle robber...Sonshine is a cradle robber!!! Tee-hee!)

I consider time spent in the service to be a form of trade school, since so many skills are taught in the military. When I speak of higher education, I always include trade school and not just college.

Hubby is a college graduate, but the vast majority of his skills were learned in trade schools over the years. He reads blueprints, welds, can repair a vehicle,do most basic electrical functions repair HVAC systems, work in water treatment, perform building maintenance/construction and can program industrial robots.

In addition to college, I graduated from cosmetology school and have taken many trade school classes and non-credit courses over the years. I don't care where an education comes from but I believe strongly that everybody needs one! It's hard to keep a marriage together when both parties are only able to earn minimum wage. It is an added stressor.

 

I like the fuzzy math
52% married
9% divorced of the whole population
I guess that really means a divorce rate closer 18%
not so low now is it
Steve

 

I don't think marrying before you get tempted is the point, I think it's supposed to be a test of character and self control.

I knew a very devout Christian woman who married in haste because she didn't want to sin and wasn't sure she could withstand the temptation.

Unfortunately, the resulting marriage was a disaster, and lasted less than a year.

 

I knew a very devout Christian woman who married in haste because she didn't want to sin and wasn't sure she could withstand the temptation.

Unfortunately, the resulting marriage was a disaster, and lasted less than a year.

Some live a pattern of serial marriage since they don't want to fornicate outside of the bonds of matrimony so they marry in lusty haste & divorce when the relationship disappoints or becomes unpleasant. It doesn't make sense to me but for some it apparently does.

 

i think it is important that you marry someone w/ the same basic morals, standards & INTERESTS. the biggest conflictbetween me & my wife stems from the last one. BUT we have been married 15 years during which time i have been gone (deployments, & training) for about 6-8 years of total time. our married life has been one long struggle, first money, then time together, then her being hostile to my interests & money again. despite PLENTY of opportunity neither of us ever cheated. i think that goes back to the same morals & standards.
anyway so far so good, but it's work in progress.

 

i think it is important that you marry someone w/ the same basic morals, standards & INTERESTS. the biggest conflictbetween me & my wife stems from the last one. BUT we have been married 15 years during which time i have been gone (deployments, & training) for about 6-8 years of total time. our married life has been one long struggle, first money, then time together, then her being hostile to my interests & money again. despite PLENTY of opportunity neither of us ever cheated. i think that goes back to the same morals & standards.
anyway so far so good, but it's work in progress.

It is always a work in progress! Being married is never easy...

 

I knew a very devout Christian woman who married in haste because she didn't want to sin and wasn't sure she could withstand the temptation.

Unfortunately, the resulting marriage was a disaster, and lasted less than a year.

Yeah, no big surprise there--- I'm of the opinion that there are worse things in life that one or 5 slip ups you regret that fall into the "sin" file. --- A half cocked miserable marriage is one of them!

Ya know the irony is that if you go by the bible's definition of sin instead of man's--- you already "sin" just about daily and no sin is supposed to be worse than another so....

...people make way too big a deal of "sexual immorality" imo. People fall to all kinds of temptation all the time. Big whoop. Not worth being miserable for years over having fallen from grace for a couple of hours. It's only a problem if you keep doing it because you don't care that it's bad for you. Under the Christian world view of course.

^^ the above statement would probably have seen me burned for heresy in many cultures and time periods despite it being completely "by the book" LOL!

 

(Sonshine is a cradle robber...Sonshine is a cradle robber!!! Tee-hee!)

I consider time spent in the service to be a form of trade school, since so many skills are taught in the military. When I speak of higher education, I always include trade school and not just college.

Hubby is a college graduate, but the vast majority of his skills were learned in trade schools over the years. He reads blueprints, welds, can repair a vehicle,do most basic electrical functions repair HVAC systems, work in water treatment, perform building maintenance/construction and can program industrial robots.

In addition to college, I graduated from cosmetology school and have taken many trade school classes and non-credit courses over the years. I don't care where an education comes from but I believe strongly that everybody needs one! It's hard to keep a marriage together when both parties are only able to earn minimum wage. It is an added stressor.

Actually, in the AF, you usually go to tech school and then you also have CDC's, which is a correspondence school. When you reach higher enlisted ranks you are sent to leadership schools and other classes that support your career field. So yes, the military is a type of schooling.