Sounds like a long time ago if it had been my house :grin::runforhills:

 

gees what about your feelings, having him do just that... God bless you..

 

IMO, once they are out of school they have six months to be out.

 

Thankfully my children werent raised like that or allowed to behave like that and they respect that - They will always be welcome here.

 

When they are 6580 days old...if they aren't pulling their weight. That's age 18, plus a few days for leap years and packing. If they are helpful courteous members of the family team they can stay longer.

 

IMO There isn't a chronological age. It depends on maturity. If son or daughter is pulling their weight (paying room and board, paying off student debt and saving for their break to freedom, contributing to daily housework and gardening and just being respectful to their parent's rules and a pleasure to live with) then in theory they can stay until they are ready to go or you want your freedom. If on the other hand they are completely lazy and unco-operative and unwilling to contribute to your life or theirs then they should go ASAP. Two to three months warning is adequate for them to find work and a place to live or to get a complete attitude adjustment in order to stay. If your child is one of the later it is your fault because you have set the bar too low.

Room and board should be 25% of their income. If no income then they should be doing everything around the house while you are earning. And of course finding a job.

Many parents feel guilty about charging room and board. They shouldn't as it teaches kids that life is expensive and you never have as much disposable income as you think. And you don't have to use it all. Use 1/3 for groceries and utilities then bank the rest for an apartment deposit or furniture when son or daughter moves out.

 

As of their 18th birthday they're there only if they are contributing. That doesn't mean that they have to pay room or board, or anything specific -- it means MOM AND DAD need to feel that they're contributing in some way. That may be paying toward household bills, or staying in school to better their future, or it could mean something as simple as not ticking you off on a regular basis.

Beyond that, you have to make your own call. I will say that, in my experience, we typically are responsible for creating the situations that annoy us the most.

 

This is a mean mama story. When we built our new house I told our older boys, 19 & 20, that there would be no room for them unless they were in college. They had six months or so warning, and I meant it. They didn't like it and were mad and wanted nothing to do with college, but it all worked out.
This was an easy out for me, I suspected that they were doing some drinking and possibly some drugs and were lazy, lazy dogs with no desire to do anything except run at night with friends. You just have to decide how long you are going to finance their choice of lifestyle. It wasn't easy to watch when they had no place to live, going from couch to couch, walking - no car, job sometimes or no job but I had younger children in the home and wasn't going to allow the older ones to destroy their childhood and suck the joy out of the house.

I am VERY thankful that things have worked out well, both boys are married to good women who are wonderful mothers, mostly lol, the boys are hard working dads, one is now a deputy sheriff, I know , we can't believe it either but he loves it and we are very proud.

This morning all the guys left for their annual fishing trip, they have been soooo excited for days. Very thankful that all the hurt and hard feelings have healed and my men all love to spend time together.

My advice: Try to find out what is going on with your son but don't feel sorry for him and think this is a phase. I used water guns and frozen marbles to make my boys get out of bed and get out of the house. Water guns are good because you can stand back when they start swinging their arms around.

Set your limits, if you have a SO & or his dad, they must back you up. In my case, the oldest boy didn't think much of Dad until he was laying on the floor punched out, the ONLY time Dad ever touched him, glad I wasn't there to see it but 20 yr. old sure had a new respect for us as a team, since Dad was trying to talk to him about how son was treating me and thought he'd try it out on Dad.

My experience in raising 3 boys & 1 girl is, all kids need a GOOD man around more in their teen years and early 20's because by then Mom is too tired to put up with their @#$%.

Good luck and just wanted to share because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and usually it isn't a train.

 

Different per kid. Mine will be required to stay until they are done with college, unless they want to take out student loans for room and board. I can't afford to pay for that and I am not going into debt for it so they can stay in the dorm. But I will help pay tuition if I can. They also know they are obligated to work hard to get scholarships. And they have. Since they have, I will do my best to fill in gaps between tuition and scholarships. So, two are dual enrolled in high school and get a free two year stint at the local community college. But that means they graduate from college at 20. I have one who wants to pursue a 3 year doctoral degree. So he will stay @ home until he is 23. I have one who wants a masters. She will stay home until she is 22. One wants only a bachelors so she will stay till she turns 20. Two little ones aren't sure what they want to yet, so it remains to be seen. =0)

 

geesh, sounds like my husband. So my guess is...never.

 

Quit Feeding him,don't Buy or Wash his Clothes and no use of the Vehicle.

big rockpile

 

IMO There isn't a chronological age. It depends on maturity. If son or daughter is pulling their weight (paying room and board, paying off student debt and saving for their break to freedom, contributing to daily housework and gardening and just being respectful to their parent's rules and a pleasure to live with) then in theory they can stay until they are ready to go or you want your freedom. If on the other hand they are completely lazy and unco-operative and unwilling to contribute to your life or theirs then they should go ASAP. Two to three months warning is adequate for them to find work and a place to live or to get a complete attitude adjustment in order to stay. If your child is one of the later it is your fault because you have set the bar too low.

Room and board should be 25% of their income. If no income then they should be doing everything around the house while you are earning. And of course finding a job.

Many parents feel guilty about charging room and board. They shouldn't as it teaches kids that life is expensive and you never have as much disposable income as you think. And you don't have to use it all. Use 1/3 for groceries and utilities then bank the rest for an apartment deposit or furniture when son or daughter moves out.

As of their 18th birthday they're there only if they are contributing. That doesn't mean that they have to pay room or board, or anything specific -- it means MOM AND DAD need to feel that they're contributing in some way. That may be paying toward household bills, or staying in school to better their future, or it could mean something as simple as not ticking you off on a regular basis.

Beyond that, you have to make your own call. I will say that, in my experience, we typically are responsible for creating the situations that annoy us the most.

This save me a lot of typing.

No set rule, but many conditions.

If they want to behave like they are a contributing part of the family who is a part of the family's solution then so far as I am concerned they can stay forever. If they make themselves a pain in the butt then out the door they go.

 

My eldest left the home at 21 to continue her college education, my youngest left for college at 18. I gave both of them a free ride for college. Both know they are always welcome here, no questions asked. They helped build this homestead and will always be welcome here, no matter what the circumstances are.

 

Talk about buying a sawmill :runforhills: We raised ours to be independent they always had jobs son stocked coolers after school and swept the parking lot at a clip joint after school . Last one home the girl did house chores mowed the yard plus helped in our business . They had to move out to get a vacation :drum: If they have been pampered from birth it would be like tossing out a full grown baby . My son at twelve was carrying a check book so he could pay school fees i would forget . :hobbyhors

 

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

 

My kids were raised with respect... and they well know that respect has to be both ways. They are always welcome at my home, but they have never abused it (or me). If they behaved as the OP's kid.... out the door in short order.

 

Thats your fault, stop pampering him and put a foot where he needs it. If he's not mentally or physically challenged there is no excuse for him to be at home.

 

I moved out at 17 to go to college, but technically my parents address was my home, so sometimes I moved there to work on college internships and such. Even after college, I moved home a few times but normally because I was actively working toward something to be able to move out again. My dad's philosophy was that his mortgage was the same whether I lived there or not, so I was always welcome. They did ask me to contribute for food, which I was happy to do. They also asked that I keep them generally informed of my activities or whereabouts, so they didn't have to worry if I didn't show up back home when I should have. They saw this as a form of respect for them, so again I was glad to do it and didn't care because I was generally out doing good things.

 

There isn't enough background info.

Age? Education? Attitude? Goals? Disabilities?

 

My youngest grandson quit school, lays around all day, prowls at night, doesn't work, has a fit when he's asked to help his single mom. If he were mine, he'd be out on the street in a flash. Actually, I'd have kicked his lazy butt out the day he quit school. My dd just won't act and I personally feel her enabling is destroying the young man.

My kids left home by choice -- son left, came back, left again, came back, left again with the warning that he wasn't welcome back again. First dd left for college, came back, left and has been independent since. Youngest dd was given choice to obey house rules or hit the road. She left and has often regretted it but it was HER choice and she has often acknowledged that we did the right thing. Wish she could see the correlation to her ds.

 

Youngest dd was given choice to obey house rules or hit the road. She left and has often regretted it but it was HER choice and she has often acknowledged that we did the right thing. Wish she could see the correlation to her ds.

She probably DOES see the correlation, Ann -- and that's why she hasn't booted his butt out.

*YOU* see the successes she's had, the GOOD of the person she's become, due to her experiences. *SHE* is probably remembering the scary stuff, the bad situations, the lack of security she felt, and doesn't want her child to go through that.

She's not seeing that it was, perhaps, the situation that made her a responsible adult, she's seeing what she had to go through to get there.

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but, I doubt his slovenly ways began overnight. I've known kids like this, almost without exception they were overindulged children who never had to do anything they didn't want to, much less learn a work ethic or develop any ambition.

People who have been given whatever they want with no effort on their part seldom fare well in life. They have no idea how to work, or even get out of bed in the morning at a set time, no clue about how to interact with people in positions of authority.

I suspect he will remain a parasite as long as you allow him to be one. The first thing I would do is make it very clear to him that his gravy train is about to jump the track.

Give him a time frame to at least make an effort to contribute to this own support. If thing don't change, gradually apply pressure, if he's driving your car yank the keys, if he has a cell phone you are paying for cut it off, deny him access to your computer, and most important turn off the cash spigot. Lock him out of the house during daylight hours only allow him in at night to sleep.

If nothing works either boot him out or be prepared to put up with these behaviors forever, he has no incentive to give up his cushy lifestyle. It will be a struggle but if you don't cave he will most probably see the light.

 

As long as he behaves decently he has a home here. As long as my mother lived, I knew I had a place to go back to where I would be welcome as long as I was reasonably behaved.

 

My kids had three choices 1 college - you can stay at home rent free 2] Job- then you pay rent. 3] Move out - the real world isnt free and is a hard taskmaster.

My kids contributed to the running of the household from gradeschool. They did their own laundry from the age of 13.

Sounds as though you need to place a foot in someones behind - life will teach him. My son worked after HS but balked at college and paying rent. We booted him ASAP. My first visit to his home I noticed various personal care products on the table - He piped up "do you know how expensive that stuff is" I replied - I see you have found out their is no soap fairy Right then I knew we had made the right decision

He thanked us years later for kicking him out. His freinds who got a free pass at home never learned big boy things like paying bills, and being a responsible adult. We were not popular at the time though.

 

I think it would depend on the child, but things like this really puzzle me. There were 5 kids in my family and none of us could wait to start working outside of the home. Once we started earning our own money our parents started making us responsible for buying our own clothes and extras we wanted. Once we were old enough to be on our own we were already prepared for it. If the child has some disability, then obviously it's a different solution. Our DS will probably never be able to hold a job, but he has chores he is responsible for around here, based on his abilities.