Some people just put their nose where it doesn't belong. Sounds to me like you guys have a good thing going on; don't let anyone tell you any different.

 

Old fashioned ideas???

 

I think the first part of your tag line says it - "people don't recognize opportunity".

You and your DH have taken something that most people would say "woe is me" and turned it into something positive for your family. Good for you!!
Continue thinking out of the box and be the great example for your children you are.

Forget what others say - just smile while thinking "you poor thing, if you only knew how wonderful this is for our family" and move on.

They'll never get it - don't worry about it - it's their issue.

 

A lot of people have a problem with what they consider non-traditional roles for men and women, so when a man becomes a stay-at-home Dad (or husband, for that matter!), they usually go into meltdown.

Back in the early 80s when the cotton mill industry here went bust, DH (and just about every other man who'd spent most of their adult life in the mills) had a hard time finding a job. I simply went to work and we did what we had to do, but my family found a new past time in putting him down for "laying up" on me. It didn't matter that we used every spare penny we could get our hands on for gas so he could look for a job or that he completely took over the household duties for me...all they saw was a woman supporting a good-for-nothing man. No amount of explaining or reasoning would stop them, so it finally got to a point where I had no choice but to step away from my family until they modified their behavior.

It took 5 years and a quite a few short term jobs, but DH finally found his job niche and has not been unemployed for more than a day in the 25 years since (thank the Lord!).

It took my family 3 of those 5 years to realize they had to SHUT THEIR MOUTHS AND MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS if they wanted to be a part of our lives.

 

There is a line between being concerned for another person when they see a pitfall and bullying.
Frankly, when a lot of men stop work, they do not take up household work. For some reason they expect the wife to work and still do all the chores. You have an exceptional partner.
Others may alarmed based on having experience with this situation not working out.
But there is an expression of concern. Keeping at it is ragging on someone.
It's pretty easy to say that- just point out that you have heard that such a situation can lead to problems but that your wonderful husband has proven to be outstandingly helpful. Then ask them if their spouse is this great too. An answer either yes or no will end that conversation I think.

 

You know, I think that is what bothers me the most - the complete lack of understanding of DH's character. These are people who claim to love and know him, but are quick to assume the worst about him. And I know it is rooted in concern. It still galls me, even when I am trying my best to be understanding.

 

Some people just don't and will never get it. They have bought into the "throw-away ideal, you must keep up with... and you must run faster on the fast track". My father once ask why I was a stay at home mom, told me that I could have had a job and I could have been someone. It hurt but I know that he will never ever understand that big money isn't my goal. I don't care what the Jones' are doing. A cuz in states married a Jones they are trying to get off the fast track and buy a farm :nanner: Most of my family will disapprove.

So try not to let them get to you and repeat what Wolf Mom said. Oh and don't forget to smile it make people wonder what your up too

 

I firmly believe in the old adage that you teach people how to treat you. If you tolerate even one interference or comment then it will continue. I never give my opinion unless asked for it and then I give it. I don't tolerate anyone commenting on our life or offering advice when they have not been asked.

I also believe and have always lived by the rule that you can call me an s=o=b but you will be doing it long distance.

Maintaining peace and harmony inside your own relationship is more important than pleasing any family member, even parents.

You actually don't owe ANYONE an explanation for your choices but so many think that they have to justify what they do. Of course the other part holds true. When you make choices you don't need to explain but you also have to accept the consequences of your choices so you don't get to complain either.

 

My DH became disabled many years ago so he hasn't worked in 7 years and I too love it. He is the best cook so I look forward to coming through the door in the evening to a home grown hot cooked meal. He does the milking and cares for the animals along with the chores he is able to do. It makes life much easier for us so I have no worries at night and can just enjoy family and the farm. When you give an explanation to folks who criticize, you give them permission to judge and voice their opinion. When well meaning family start asking and giving advice, cut them off fast with "we are happy so you can stop worrying", and then don't let them bring it up again. If they are so rude as to not get it the first time, I think I would follow with "I'm sorry but I just don't think this is your business". For sure, don't let them make you doubt. Lots of people have your arrangement and it works!

 

I have a dear friend who after homeschooling her 5 children up until the 2 oldest boys were teens, became very burned out with it all. She had been cooking from scratch, growing a garden and canning most of their food, baking all their bread, doing all of the house work, and sewing many of their clothes. She was TIRED. She had also come to feel isolated. She being the more "social butterfly" of the two, she decided to get a job, her dh now stays home with the kids and does all the things she used to do for years. They are BOTH obliviously happy with the arrangement and so are the kids. People my friend knows were calling her from out of state to comment on how terrible this is and why they shouldn't be doing it. She said I was one of the only friends who supported her in this decision.

People are uncomfortable with it because you and my friends, have dared to break the social "norm."
Do what makes YOUR family happy, and smile and let the comments roll off like water on a duck's back. Just so you know, my friend has been doing this for about 3 years now, and all are still happy and well and the "space time continuum" did not fold

 

When DH and his exwife moved back to Michigan they had an infant and a preschooler. She found work before he did, so he stayed home for five years as a house husband. Or, in her words "doing nothing". It sounds like you have it all worked out. Be happy, let it happen. Over time, as people gossip, they will hear other stories about how a husband stayed home and took care of the family and they will discover that it is the new normal.

 

Go with what works for you and do your best to ignore or bypass the commentary from those less informed.

My wife and I are very non-traditional. She is (or was) much better suited for a 9-5 corporate type environment. I'm much more of a loose cannon and function better independently. For over a decade, I did the "house husband" thing (totally ruined the freedom of two spoiled brat teenagers to do as they pleased while momma was at work) plus had some part time online work and a home business for part of the time. Hey, it worked for us.

A lot of people grow so attached to their preconceived ideas of how the world needs to be that they can't easily grasp that other ways of doing things can and do work very well for some people. For most of them, I don't think they're trying to be ugly or insulting. They just don't understand and their ignorance shows itself to a magnitude that they don't realize. Some of them probably think that their "terse" commentary will help to "wake you up" so that you can "see the light" ... as they see it. They're being "helpful".

Also, as you and some others now realize, things can and do change. For us, the non-traditional roles have wound down and we're edging towards some changes in a number of areas. Retirement funds are about to kick in, we're looking for a place to settle down after being fulltime rvers for 8+ years, and neither of us is looking for a traditional job. We do have ideas as to how we will supplement our income from things we intend to do once we find that piece of dirt to play on. But neither of us intends to "go find a job"... assuming that there actually is one of those anymore. (We looked for nearly 2 years for the traditional job and it just wasn't there.) So we'll do something else.

Congrats on finding a situation that works well for you!! Honestly, I don't think hard times change people. They just bring who people are out into the open. Sounds like you have a good guy there. Take care of each other.

 

Thank you all for the encouragement and confirmation that we are not completely crazy! I love this board.

 

Somehow, this role reversal has some family members in knots, particularly because he's not working a "real" job.

Congratulations on your new job and same to your hubby.

How much more "real" can a job get?! Parenting and running a home is a pretty important and time consuming job. That's as real as it gets!! lol!!

I understand what you're saying though, but I know several couples in role reversed households and it works fine for them. It takes the family a while to "get-it", but they usually butt-out when they see how well it's working.

Welcome to the New World of working couples!! :rock:

 

You are not crazy.

Our situation is a little different. I've been self employed for most of my working career, and have an office in our home.

For many years, my wife worked a full time job in the city. As my career evolved, and we added a child to our family, I stayed home and worked, and my wife stayed with her job away from home.

Talk about people going crazy!!! Even though I made far more money than she did, week after week, with a fraction of the commuting expenses, it drove some folks mad.

"When are you going to get a job?" they would ask...even though I had built up a good business 10 years prior to getting married. It finally came to a head when I told them that I had already earned this week as much as my wife earned in a month's time, and it was only Tuesday afternoon.

We are both self employed, and work a great deal out of our home. We have a neighbor that is stunned and mystified that we can be self employed and make a living wage. In fact, he has been extremely critical of our self employment, yet he knows nothing about our business, and how much you can make.

My advice: Ignore them. They'll soon shut up.

 

People get a little uptight with my husband and I because I- the wife!- stay home with the kids. Around here most people feel that 2 incomes are NEEDED in order to live and HOW in the world could I just not work? Simple answer is "It works for us." Long answer would include the many times hubby and I have sat down and ran the numbers and found out that it would simply NOT work if I went to work- would actually lose money in the long run. We don't explain it much anymore because we have been doing it long enough that most of our family/friends see that it is working for us and have dropped it or they might think how much better we might be doing and don't mention that? I don't really know or care. lol It works for us!

Congrats on the job and no you are not crazy!

 

haters gonna hate. the best revenge is being HAPPY!

 

i think your family sounds lucky--if its working for you its great and dont worry what others think

 

Over the span of our married life I have worked or stayed home and my husband has worked or stayed home or we have both worked. But the dictates of our society can make it especially hard on the man who stays home. We did whatever was best for us at the time and never worried about what others might think. When people would ask my husband what he did he would say with a very serious face - I am a trophy husband. That always ended the conversation. I loved this answer so much that when it was my turn I always said I was a trophy wife.

 

Who cares? My husband is retired and I go to work...and I am pretty sure he DOES sit around all day scratching himself!!! lol

None of these people pay your bills so it is none of their business! Many of them are probably just jealous that you have a great thing going!

 

Your not crazy.... It's yours and your DH's home not theirs.. As long as you both agree to the way things are going there is no problem... Be happy and enjoy and don't worry about what other people think...

 

my bro was the one to get his nicker in a knot. dad was in the navy and then got out and became self employed. epa regs made him stop the power washing business in the early 80's he was an older dad for me as I was the baby. he retired early and both mom and dad cared for me.

when dad retired he managed the bills etc and made sure the little retirement and moms dividends which increased over time would go far enough.

it was always said that dad was the bread maker and mom did nothing and that was so true any didident she got was play or extra money. dad payed the bills out of his jobs.

bro was upset that they lied to him about where the money came from. he never did get it.

 

We have a similar situation. I am a paramedic, good job with benefits and retirement, but crazy hours. We don't homeschool, but the kids go to Christian school which requires someone to drive them. DH works part-time with flexible hours so he can do this, he also does a lot of our homestead work and volunteers a lot with the school.
You kids are being raised by their own parents, not daycare and you pay your bills. Do what works for you. (my family doesn't really understand either)

 

When people would ask my husband what he did he would say with a very serious face - I am a trophy husband. That always ended the conversation. I loved this answer so much that when it was my turn I always said I was a trophy wife.

:hysterical:That's awesome! Smart answer - I would love to see the person's face after that - priceless!!!

 

i find it kinda funny that when your dh is home doing all he is, he's being a bum. but when its reversed, the talk turns to how much work it is! major double standard here.

sure, if he was learning to belch a tune and leaving the house and kids to go wild, then yup, toss him to the curb. but this guy is working, and i do that job, that's hard work, and there is no quitting time.

too bad your family can't see it, but i like what someone else suggested, 'dont' worry, we're happy'. maybe they're just jealous, what i wouldn't give some days to just do a simple 9-5 and be done, come home to a good meal and cleaned home. wow!

and, to have a fella that just stepped up and did what needs done, took the role and ran with it, says a lot about his very fine character. that's IS a real man. that's what a real man would do...take care of his family. good for you both!