The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him.
Bullies look for easy targets and are by nature rather cowardly, and don't like a target that fights back.
It usually only takes once to change a bully's mind.

 

I was always one of the 3 smallest kid in a class 200. I discovered that you have to throw a single punch once, in the nose. Of course, I'm a girl, so by age 12 kids weren't trying to hit me. As Cornhusker wrote, bullies are cowards and are looking for someone they can easily win over. The moves you know from ER is probably enough. Simply NOT backing down is often enough. If the self defense moves don't work, he will have to learn how to throw a punch.

 

I'd do two things.

One, go to the school and tell them not that your kid was "punched" but he was "physically assaulted" and demand (not ask, not request, demand) a criminal investigation by local law enforcement. Again let them know you will not accept an internal or school investigation. You want the cops to show up and interview the kid and everyone who might have seen the "physical assault" (keep using that term). If necessary tell them if they do not start a criminal investigation of this crime you will contact a lawyer. Having the cops show up and asking questions will put everyone on notice if anyone messes with your kid very bad things will happen.

Two, teach your son how to defend himself and let him know you will back him up no matter what the school tries to do. Don't teach him how to fight according to the Marcus of Queensberry rules. He isn't fighting for points to win a trophy he's protecting himself from a criminal act. See if any of the local martial arts or boxing gyms offer a 'street fighting' or 'extreme self defense' class.

 

If this is a single event, there is (in my opinion) a whole lot of over-reaction going on here.

I have two sons, now in their early 30s. Boys have rough and tumble lives.

Assuming that this child is now going to be the target of bullies is telling yourself a *huge* story.

Demanding that a criminal investigation be started for a school yard incident this mild is over-reaction. Let the school use their own procedures first.

You can be a crazy momma or a calm and reasonable responder. Your choice

 

ok its a charlie horse your son got, not that its excusable if the other kid had been a bully it wouldnt of stoped with him running a way laughing.
as far as what he is allowed to do, is to find an adult and report it.
the school would treat him the same as the aggressor other wise.
in the school setting they dont place blame on who started it,its all in who did what. but that may just open him up to retribution and ridicule and actual bulling.

he needs to tell the kid next chance he gets "I dont play like that SO DONT DO IT AGAIN" Im sure the other kid will be sure not to.

 

Here is a quote from a letter of Andrew Jackson's mother to him, very shortly before she died, when he was still fairly young. Emphasis mine, I thought it relevant.

“Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure up some things I have already said to you: in this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends. You can make friends by being honest, and you can keep them by being steadfast. You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you. To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime – not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty. In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious. None will respect you more than you respect yourself. Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition. But sustain your manhood always. Never bring a suit in law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man. Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmy. If angry at first, wait till your wrath cools before you proceed.”

 

Sad thing is probably the only way to settle this in the long run is to teach him to punch back, even if he gets in a little trouble for it. He doesn't have to go crazy on the kid - he just has to get a reputation as someone who will punch back as soon as someone hits him.

 

Here is a quote from a letter of Andrew Jackson's mother to him, very shortly before she died, when he was still fairly young. Emphasis mine, I thought it relevant.

“Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure up some things I have already said to you: in this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends. You can make friends by being honest, and you can keep them by being steadfast. You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you. To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime – not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty. In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious. None will respect you more than you respect yourself. Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition. But sustain your manhood always. Never bring a suit in law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man. Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmy. If angry at first, wait till your wrath cools before you proceed.”

And that is the reason why she named him Sue.

It sounds like boys playing the way boys used to play, before zero tolerance reared it's ugly head. I once had a kid punch me several times after school. Turns out, he wanted to be friends and didn't know how to go about introducing himself. We became best friends.

Maybe the other boy wanted to give him two acres and missed.

 

Most schools of today have a zero tolerance policy in such behavior. In the schools around here the hitter would receive either an in school or out of school suspension for a short period for first offense.

If you son hits back even to defend himself he will experience the same just so you are aware.

My son-in-law deals with middle school all of the time and I've heard what is dealt out from him as a school asst. principal.

 

The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him.
Bullies look for easy targets and are by nature rather cowardly, and don't like a target that fights back.
It usually only takes once to change a bully's mind.

I agree.

 

I detest bullies. If he is hit again, he could fall to the ground and make a federal case of the "injury" and attract a lot of attention to the situation. That will put the bully in the hot seat without you getting involved. In most schools today hitting another student will get you expelled for 3 days minimum. I wouldn't encourage him to fight back at school.

My sister was bullied all thru grade school. She never fought back. The bully decided one day to try it on me. BIG mistake. I went after her so fast and furious that neither she nor her backups responded. I did not lay a finger on her but I had my fist in her face and backed her into a corner. I verbally lamblasted her with threats should she ever be so stupid again. I was a lot smaller than any of the other girls but I didn't take kindly to being bullied.

My sister in all her life has never faced problems head on. She will complain loudly, bitterly and angrily but never actual DO anything to solve them. She was once fired from a job for talking behind another persons back about his bad behavior. I told her to go to human resources but she wouldn't. The man was costing the company thousands of dollars but she would not report him. Her refusal to stand up cost her a job she desperately needed.

You should encourage your son to face the problem head on and find his own resolution. Make suggestions but let him deal with it himself unless it becomes a matter of safety.

 

It could be an isolated incident so at this point I would take a wait and see approach. You've already made the school aware of it. However, if it continues you have to weigh whether it is better to...

1. Use the so called "school approved" route of telling on the bully, having the usual conferences, and then everyone walks away agreeing to behave. The problem with that is you son then has a reputation as a boy who hides behind his parents and his teachers to protect him. It might stop the violence but your son's confidence will be nill.

-or-

2. Get him into Karate class. A good school that is about teaching and not soaking you for tons of money or requiring you to sign a contract. My twins just earned their black belts after over three years of intense training from a superb instructor. I take it with them as well and will have my black belt in about a year. And no this doesn't mean your son will be going around picking a fight. What it means is your son will learn the self-confidence that comes with knowing he can defend himself if need be and yet the maturity to avoid conflicts unless they become necessary. If your son were a black belt and this boy starts up with him, he would not always strike back but would assume his ready stance and tell the boy he really doesn't want to fight him but will if he does it again.

Here is a shot of my twins getting their belts...

 

Farmmom: I have 4 boys and 1 girl all raised to adulthood now and what your son is experiencing is perfectly normal and is just playing and being a boy. Some think its an assault worthy of a criminal investigation but you really need to let your son be a boy and I wouldnt even classify some kid trying to give another kid a charlie horse a bully. Tell him that if he doesnt like something he needs to confront the other boy about it when it happens and not just sit there and complain about it later. Did you not play as a kid?

If he doesnt start to stand up for himself now he will be dogged all through school and as others have said, you have to be careful to not set him up as the kid who has to have mom or teacher rescue him all the time. I am not suggesting you try and change his sweet demeanor or turn him into a thug, I am suggesting that you are over reacting a bit and that you need to let kids be kids and sort things out on their own.

 

I already posted once, but reread mine and ed normans (though I do not think theirs anything wrong with WindowOrMirror's post actually pretty good advice though get 6th graders to understand it) and now salmonslayers.

it rough housing and boy play!

its a game your son didnt know he was playing, and he took it as a personnel attack the other kid was just waiting for him to repay that charlie horse. kinda like a game of tag.
I agree the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them but again I think this kid was playing and your sons not aware of games like that. otherwise he would of been taunted and maybe received another charlie horse so to those over reacting and calling for world war three park it will ya! you obviously have your own bullys to deal with! I would also like to add I have avoided more fights by with a strong stature (also robbery and muggings) and when pressed held my ground with just words diffusing the situation and and a very few occasions was I pressed to fight. (though I played in this same fashion and other games boys are discouraged from today and had plenty of older cousins with plenty of friends as well as a few younger uncles who where more then happy to initiate me) it was a game your son was not familar with and took it the wrong way , its kinda like uncle (yet another neanderthal game) though for uncle the other party should know they are playing (hard to imagine they wouldnt) what he was expected to do was chase down the other kid (with the stiff leg from the charlie horse)
and return the favor till some one gave (ok ok I quit you win) at wich time they (all involved,usually two) have a laugh (boys can do that sort of thing its what makes them boys) and part of what prepares you for the trails of manhood!

 

Martial arts frees the soul.

Sign him up for judo.

Tell him that a free man protects himself at all times.

 

It could be an isolated incident so at this point I would take a wait and see approach. You've already made the school aware of it. However, if it continues you have to weigh whether it is better to...

1. Use the so called "school approved" route of telling on the bully, having the usual conferences, and then everyone walks away agreeing to behave. The problem with that is you son then has a reputation as a boy who hides behind his parents and his teachers to protect him. It might stop the violence but your son's confidence will be nill.

-or-

2. Get him into Karate class. A good school that is about teaching and not soaking you for tons of money or requiring you to sign a contract. My twins just earned their black belts after over three years of intense training from a superb instructor. I take it with them as well and will have my black belt in about a year. And no this doesn't mean your son will be going around picking a fight. What it means is your son will learn the self-confidence that comes with knowing he can defend himself if need be and yet the maturity to avoid conflicts unless they become necessary. If your son were a black belt and this boy starts up with him, he would not always strike back but would assume his ready stance and tell the boy he really doesn't want to fight him but will if he does it again.

Here is a shot of my twins getting their belts...

Black belts in 3 years....is that possible? How many hours a week and how many days a week?

 

This was probably just a tap on the run boy thing. Id leave it alone unless it happens again.

 

My step-son dealt with this last year when he was in the 6th grade. A boy in his p.e. class who is a bully decided that because he had issues with being short, and Caleb is tall, that he would choose him to beat up. They both got suspended. But, Caleb did hit him back and the rules there are that if they are fighting they get suspended.
This kid, later in the year, broke another boys nose in the lunchline for no reason at all.
Caleb is very gentle at heart and even though he ran his mouth to this boy and did not want to fight him, he still tried to defend himself.
We finally had the principal put them in different classrooms and told Caleb not to speak to this kid, not to look at him to act like he didn't even exist. He says now that this year they get along fine.

 

One punch in the hip does not make a bully. If someone wanted to hurt, they would have done it much higher up. Only a baby-sized kid hits someone full force in the hip.

Ignore it unless it escalates into something real. I agree with those who said it was just normal roughhousing. The kid didn't have an answer for why did he do it, because even he himself didn't have an answer.

Don't get involved, except to let your son know that if it becomes something more, you will help him to deal with it.

 

He's 12 years old and this is the first time he's been punched in school? He's doing pretty good so far. I'll pass along the same advice my dad gave me when I started school. He said, "Son, don't ever let me hear of you starting a fight. If you do, you're going to have me to deal with. If somebody starts a fight with you, make sure they don't ever want to do it again."

That advice worked well for me over the years. Only once did I start a fight (fortunately he didn't hear of it), and those who started fights with me only did so once, and not once did my dad come down on me for taking care of the problem.

That being said, one punch like that isn't always a fight, it's often just horseplay depending on the attitude in which it was done. I'd take the wait and see approach. If the offending kid doesn't get the reaction he was hoping for, chances are he will find other ways to entertain himself and his friends.

 

It's a part of growing up, my gosh some people are over re-acting.
Teach your son to defend himself.
I was taught to never start a fight but if someone attacked me to always make the other person sorry they started something with me, it only took a couple incidents in school for kids to learn that they shouldn't pick on me.
Please don't raise a doormat, and please don't raise a child to believe that someone will always take care of them - whether it be Mom and Dad or the Principle or the police.
Bad things happen in life sometimes and the only thing to do is to handle it and move on.

And frankly one punch in the hip is horsing around, the proper response is to punch them back but make sure its a harder punch.

 

My goodness !!

12 year old boys love to whack each other ..making a federal case out of it just teaches the young boy to be a whiner..there's an enormous difference between horseplay among 12 year olds and being bullied..

 

I told my kids that if someone hit them they should hit em back as hard as they can. There's a zero tolerance policy at school so both would get a 3 day suspension. Our approach was if you hit back the 3 days were a reward for standing up to bullies. If they started it the 3 days were nothing but extra chores on top of whatever other punishment was needed. My boy had to hit back twice, the first time he got the 3 day but no other measures were taken (the other kid was put intot a guidance program for bullies) He got a private thank you from the principal for bringing it to a head and letting them do something about this kid who was getting away with bullying others. Then in high school gr 9 he was getting picked on by a senior which he put up with for about a month after informing the school (we did too) then when he got pushed for the last time he fought back. Sure my son lost the fight (not baddly it was broken up quickly) he isn't that big but the rest of his HS years were smooth sailing. No more BS the bully got expelled perminantly and had to transfer schools eventually.

 

Black belts in 3 years....is that possible? How many hours a week and how many days a week?

Yes, three years and a few months to be exact and yes it is very, very possible and in fact common at your better schools. Some students take longer but good students can get it in that time. Classes twice a week under their instructor with practice at home.

On the flip side many schools are junk schools and simply sell belts and I know one that gives out belts like candy with a black belt after a year. THAT is not feasible and their students aren't worth a flip at Karate and their black belts have about as much credibilty as monopoly money. The boys can do some amazing techniques and as one who is right behind them I can tell you it is for real.

I agree with the posts above that this boy is just horse playing and you should step back and let it alone for now. In the mean-time it is always a good idea to enable your son to defend himself, not just at school but on the streets. Any form of martial arts will do.

 

I would try and keep the drama to a mim and not over react.

Be careful, everybody loves to pick on a "momma's boy".

There may be a rest of the story, you only heard one side so far...

Let us know how it turn out.