Perhaps, if you asked your husband nicely, he might let you get a part-time job.

Then, you wouldn't feel so bad.

 

Oh Oggie, if it were anyone else I wouldn't have giggled after reading that.

He likes me at home which fits into my plan perfectly......

(enter sinister laughter here ____________)

 

Oh Oggie, if it were anyone else I wouldn't have giggled after reading that.

He likes me at home which fits into my plan perfectly......

(enter sinister laughter here ____________)

I'm glad that you knew that I was kidding.

Really, if it works for you two. Why should you care what anyone else thinks?

 

Being a stay-at-home Mom is becoming quite the popular thing in the young professionals. I believe that more and more people are realizing what many of us already knew...that raising a family and keeping a household is a full-time job.

Having electric machines like dishwashers and clothing washers and dryers has not eleminated all of the work of a household....not to mention the work that goes into seeing that everything runs smoothly.

Don't let others pile work onto you because you "have more time". If they only knew....

 

You do have a privileged life in my eyes - being a SAHM is job like no other and not everyone gets the chance to do, so I'm jealous! It is such a hard and rewarding job. I would absolutely love to be able to do it...but I have the more economically stable career and with the way things are going with the economy, my hubby is going to stay at home when we have kids (hopefully be pregnant next year!). I will miss being the teacher, shopping wizard and chef...well, actually he still can't cook very well, so I'm sure I'll still be the chef!

My mother was a SAHM and she was busy busy busy. I'm absolutely sure she worked more hours than my father did. We never gave her a break!

Thank you for doing what you think is best for your kiddos! It is hard work and you deserve to be appreciated for it.

 

I have had the same reaction from a few woman. It bothers me , because it is none of their business . I don't comment on lifestyle choices , unless it involves kicking puppies or hitting your spouse . I feel I make a much more postive impact on my families homelife by being there and making coming home a great experiance . On the other hand if the household depends on that mothers income , do what is best for the family . Daddies make good stay at home parents too . My husband and I are blessed to be able to make the choice we have . Don't let people bring you down , your not telling them what to do .
Christina

 

It is strange how we tend to internalize comments from others about our "work". I used to have a the kind of job that attracted a lot of attention and envy. I have had people want to buy me drinks just to hear me talk about work. Then I became a stay-at-home, sheep farming, homeschool mom. Although I am the exact same person, people now treat me as though I have no intelligence, no insight, nothing to offer. And as you mentioned, I too have often heard about how I am supposed to have so much more time than others. I generally translate that to mean that someone is about to make an unfair request of me.

When the feminist movement took off, the battle cry was equality. Unfortunately, I don't think they really meant it. All jobs EXCEPT homemaking were considered to be fine career options for women. Homemakers are perceived to be less equal than other working women. There really isn't an answer. The truth is that we don't have time to argue! We're too busy raising children, keeping a home, encouraging a husband, managing the family's time and finances, providing suitable nourishment, gardening, raising livestock, etc. I guess the best answer is "Let me check my Day Planner and I'll get back to you."

BTW, there have been many times, when every living creature in my household has crowded into the bathroom to try to talk to me when I am obviously not going to be helping anyone for the next 30 seconds, that I have threatened to leave home and get a real job. I always shout, "OSHA has laws to protect employees from people and animals like you all!"

 

I have plenty of my own ridiculous antics and social faux paux to live down. Don't need any help.

Although I carry on as I like I still feel uncomfortable when people misjudge me. If I earn something, so be it. I just loathe labels, especially incorrect ones. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Shouldn't have to.

Maybe I just expect some basic respect. I don't need admiration, just a lack of contempt. I don't want to be the subject of hen clucking by the group when I am out of earshot. Reminds me of why I like to stay on the farm in the first place. I get sick of the social hierarchy game.

Like when I go to family reunions or DH work functions. All the ladies go on and on about promotions, job benefits etc. I feel kind of small. I don't need to be a braggart to feel good about myself. I am left feeling conflicted though because I know how they see me, how women judge the housewife. I have heard it time and time again. The only way to get past it it to stay humble and avoid the one upmanship game. It's just not my style to say something like "I can do this or I can do that" to prove my point.

I could just picture the eye rolls and dismayed sighs of pity when I "brag" that I just chisel plowed the field and docked, castrated, vaccinated and tagged the lamb crop. I don't fit in at all with my short unpainted nails and self cut hair.

Just a little respect...................

 

I'm not a stay at home mom, in fact I'm a single mom but my schedule is a block where I am only gone on the weekends so I have all week to be with the kids. I get nasty comments too about how I should have all sorts of time with only working 2.5 days a week. Yep, I do I have time to babysit for a friend who is working for the first time in her life, and supervise my children's schooling, and take them to Tae Kwon Do and keep the house clean, and supervise care of the animals, and my mini-garden and right now the canning I am learning. I take a disabled friend to do his grocery shopping every week or so and trying to get an online business up and running. People who judge others need to get a life.

 

The feminazis have condemned you and any other stay at home MOM because they feel a 24 hours a day job with NO sick time off is not what they want. Throw in farming and now it is a 36 hour day where the cows will just not understand you are to ill to milk them or feed and care for the other livestock, or get out in that 90 degree sun to cut and bale hay because rain is coming. Maybe, just maybe, if we had more Moms at home our kids would not be shooting each other. Keep your chin up and take pride in what you do. Truly they do not understand, nor do they even wish to.

 

I'm glad that you knew that I was kidding.

Really, if it works for you two. Why should you care what anyone else thinks?

Oggie hit it right on the head! Why in the world should you care what anyone thinks? It's YOUR life and your decision. Just go on your way and turn a deaf ear to the comments.

For me, I gave up caring about others opinions about me once for Lent and I never took it up again. It is so freeing!

 

You are nicer than I am, hintonlady .

I had a friend do that to me repeatedly and I finally let her have it. She was always insinuating that I was privileged or lazy or kept. She was married with no children and a bank teller that got off work at 3:00pm. Her husband didn't get home until 6:00pm. We were living in Texas at the time and she was telling me that I needed to water my grass everyday to keep it green. She said it only takes about half an hour. I told her I didn't have time (I had a two year old and a six month old at the time) and she said, "Oh, come on. If I have time, you have time. You're home all day."

This was the upteenth time she'd said something along those lines so I said, "I have a lot to do each day keeping up after the children. I don't have all the time you seem to think I do. You don't know what you're talking about." She started to object and I just stared her down and repeated, "You don't know what you're talking about."

She never implied anything about my stay-at-home status again.

RedTartan

 

Oh H.L. just dont get made at oggie. Just post a picture of a kitty cat!!:duel:

As for when your getting these lovely comments about haveing more time then they do. Just come back with something similar like I do "I have more time?!? Where'd I get that??? This morning I got everyone their breakfast (made from scratch of course, I'm not feeding my family premade junk), feed/tookcar of the animals, got the kids started on their lesson, sorted through some old boxes, went out and weeded in the garden a bit, shot a coyot just cause I didn't like the way he looked at me and then I........"

Here's a pic you can use next time Oggie get's outta line:nana:

 

I have plenty of my own ridiculous antics and social faux paux to live down. Don't need any help.

Although I carry on as I like I still feel uncomfortable when people misjudge me. If I earn something, so be it. I just loathe labels, especially incorrect ones. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Shouldn't have to.

Maybe I just expect some basic respect. I don't need admiration, just a lack of contempt. I don't want to be the subject of hen clucking by the group when I am out of earshot. Reminds me of why I like to stay on the farm in the first place. I get sick of the social hierarchy game.

Like when I go to family reunions or DH work functions. All the ladies go on and on about promotions, job benefits etc. I feel kind of small. I don't need to be a braggart to feel good about myself. I am left feeling conflicted though because I know how they see me, how women judge the housewife. I have heard it time and time again. The only way to get past it it to stay humble and avoid the one upmanship game. It's just not my style to say something like "I can do this or I can do that" to prove my point.

I could just picture the eye rolls and dismayed sighs of pity when I "brag" that I just chisel plowed the field and docked, castrated, vaccinated and tagged the lamb crop. I don't fit in at all with my short unpainted nails and self cut hair.

Just a little respect...................

Serenity Prayer from al-anon.

God, Give me the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
The courage to change what I can change,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

You cannot change their attitudes, but you can change yours by detaching from their remarks. I know it hurts and easy for me to say, but you cannot change them. Be polite and humble in your demeanor around them and you will exude a confidence that will befuddle them.

 

Hintonlady, now that Im' retired, I get along the same line sort of comments. I'll take them from some of the folks, but from others...I just let em have it! Full on!
As a single mom, I spent my son's whole life working. Yes, I regretted it, and did the best I could, it was still my choice. Now that I"m retired, my son is well grown up (we did a good job of bringing him up, he and I), and I supposedly have all the time in the world to accomplish things. But, those folks who think I have all the time in the world can just think again, cos I don't.
Frankly, I don't know how I had the time to work! I"m sooo busy! I am finally enjoying all the things I've always wanted to do. Like the amazing garden I now have, the canning I'm putting up. Bought a motorcycle for myself, am taking piano lessons. I know full well how much time it takes to live life in the manner you desire, especially when this is homesteading, not the life of bon bons and TV. When I was raising my son, none of these good things that I enjoy now was a possibility.
I guess I dont' have much more than that to contribute to this discussion. Just know that those who really get your ire up, deserve to be told bluntly how you feel about how they feel. If you are comfortable with that. But, I find I need to write it out (and not send it) first, to take the harsh edge off my words, before I actually say them.
Gloria

 

If you're a housewife you get snarky comments from women who work paying jobs.

If you're a woman who works a paying job you get snarky comments from other women who think you should be a housewife.

If you have kids in daycare you get snarky comments from folks who think you should be at home with your kids.

If you're at home all day with your kids you get snarky comments from those who think you should be out doing something more with yourself.

What do all of these things have in common? People who make snarky comments.

.....Alan.

 

Alan is right on. Being a full time working mom does not necessarily make one a feminazi, for example.

I've been in both camps, so I think I can safely say that they both have their drawbacks and their pluses.

But I have to add my comment to the others that say, why on earth, if you, your children, and your husband are all satisfied with the arrangement, do you care at all about what people think?

BTW, I work full time in an office and don't really fit in with the manicure crowd either, lol. I bought a whole roll of electric netting for what a set of acrylics and a fill or two would cost, woo hoo!

hollym

 

Good for you for being home with your kids!

Forget those folks, you will never regret the time spent with your children, but those women almost certainly will wish they had had more time with thier own when they look back in later life.

I feel some people judge me sometimes for taking care of my husband they way I do, without fully (or at all) knowing our situation.

To outside eyes people see an apparantly healthy man who doesn't work, but has a wife who works (and hard, I'm a farrier), cooks and takes care of the house and homestead.

What they don't know is that while he looks normal, Ty is on 100% disability for combat related PTSD and Gulf War Syndrome.

Emotionally and physically he can't sustain a level of reliability to hold down a job. While his physical problems are not easily apparant on the surface, he is not a well man from the GWS.

He has terrible stomach and digestion problems, a cyst on his brain, a problem with his arms that make them swell and loose all strenghth with the slightest physical exhertion, wretched insomnia and constant nightmares when he is able to fall asleep.

I am happy and proud to be able to take care of him, I enjoy physical labor, I love to cook for him, and he is the sweetest, kindest, most honest, loving man I have ever know. I adore him more that I can say.

I stopped caring long ago what other people think, and if they are uncouth enough to say anything about him, they sure feel like eating crow when they find out the truth.

You stick to your guns girl, and make no apologies for taking the best care you are able to of you and yours.

In my book, there is little in life more noble ( beyond serving your country in war) than being a dedicated, loving, cheerful and tireless caregiver to your family.

 

Well, on the flip side of the coin, as a Stay at home Dad, you should hear the comments that I get.....

Most Guys seem to think that taking care of the house, 2 year old and other "household" items should only take between 6:00 a.m until around 8:30 am, leaving me plenty of time to work on the classic car or Skoolie, lots of time to lay around and have a beer or two and then a little left over time before the missus gets home to get the grill going for the steaks......

I have already thanked my mom more times than I care to count for all the hard work she did raising us three boys....

But, we chose this, as we also did not feel that we wanted any one else raising our kids and felt that one parent should be home to provide stability...not that it can't be done with both parents working, just not the way we wanted to go.

 

i was at home for 10 years with the kids and taking care of
"everything". I actually had someone ask me if i was "board".

Now, i'm still at home full time, but have a baking business
and i still take care of "everything" - so i'm just craaaaazy.
But, i'd rather work hard for our family than for someone else.

 

Well, on the flip side of the coin, as a Stay at home Dad, you should hear the comments that I get.....

Most Guys seem to think that taking care of the house, 2 year old and other "household" items should only take between 6:00 a.m until around 8:30 am, leaving me plenty of time to work on the classic car or Skoolie, lots of time to lay around and have a beer or two and then a little left over time before the missus gets home to get the grill going for the steaks......

I have already thanked my mom more times than I care to count for all the hard work she did raising us three boys....

But, we chose this, as we also did not feel that we wanted any one else raising our kids and felt that one parent should be home to provide stability...not that it can't be done with both parents working, just not the way we wanted to go.

Wow-kudos to you Joseph!! We know how much harder it is for you guys. Just kidding!!!
I think it's the most noble profession of all-raising the next generation.

Patty

 

There's always going to be somebody who wants to make you feel bad. Just remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.'

That being said when I used to get those snarky comments about being a 'housewife' I always reminded myself that these women where not happy with their home life and didn't want me to be happy either Id just smile a big ol happy smile and say, " I prefer the title 'Sex Kitten' Nothing gets to nasty unhappy people better than not being able to make you as unhappy as they are.

 

Alan is totally right about everyone gets those snarky comments from other people.

I am a 31 year old professional married woman, who has no children, and you should hear some of the really really rude comments I have received from relatives, for not having kids yet, or for working when "I should be home taking care of my husband."

Don't let other people's judgements bother you, they have no idea what they are talking about.

 

My wife gets comments like that all the time, usually centered around the idea that she's lazy because "all she does" is stay at home. Well, that and runs a ministry, volunteers in two others, and is the Arts and Crafts leader for our 4H club.

People choose what they choose, for different reasons. Early in our marriage when we both had jobs, we split the 'in the house' work down the middle. I cooked a little more and she did a little more laundry, but it was split. Now I only cook on weekends. Today we split even the yard work. I cut and split wood, we all stack wood, I replace windows, bale and buck hay, she tends the flower-beds and the horses. The kids care for their animals and cut the lawn. It all works for us.

My wife may - indeed - get another 'job' when the kids are grown and gone, but they may stay in the area and provide us with grandchildren. She may elect to stay home and help with them, who knows? We also enjoy taking the Harley out for a few days at a time, maybe we'll do more of that.

The proof is in the pudding I guess. We have a good marriage, we love (and like) each other, we are proud of our accomplishments and humble about our calling. Our kids are well-adjusted, kind-hearted (generally), and are learning to work and value a dollar. I really don't care if people don't like the fact my wife stays home, but I'll pray for you if you make a comment against her for it (and I'll sell tickets to the verbal cage match that will ensue).

It works for us, YMMV

R

 

One has to do what is best for ones family. If you are staying home because he is a chauvanist pig and insecure, that could cause some unflattering remarks. If you come across as a stay-at-home-snob, that could cause some unflattering remarks too. Sounds to me like you contribute to your family as does your husband -- you contribute soft dollars, those lovely untaxable dollars. He contributes hard dollars which are taxable. But you spend less of your hard dollars (or need less hard dollars). My situation is my spouse is riding out the horrid housing market. But we average $45 a month for natural gas (heat, water, dryer, stove, grill and we have 1.3 at home daughters) because HE cuts, splits, hauls, and feeds the wood stove. Put on your teflon shirt and continue making productive use of your time, even if it is watching a soap opera for 60 minutes a day!