Tell dh if he wants the whole shebang there, he has to do EVERYTHING by himself. You did your thing at Thanksgiving for your family, it's only fair he does it for his if that's what he wants. Just his mom and bf, you are willing to do half, maybe?

 

I agree with CarolT why should you be a courteous hostess to people who have no courtesy to you? If he wants them there he can have them there but I recommend you book a hotel room!

 

Just say no.

Find a restaurant that serves Christmas dinners and take them there.

Otherwise, "Oh geese, I just remembered I have to go to Mexico that week..."

 

Just say no.

Find a restaurant that serves Christmas dinners and take them there.

Exactly! Believe me, it works ... and it is well worth the expense.

If you add up what you would spend in additional food, factor in something for you time and effort cooking, PLUS what you will spend to have an adequate supply of headache remedies, antacids and tranquilizers (or vodka) on hand to get you through the preparations and 'the DAY', you will actually be saving money.

 

AH N O O O. Life is T O O O short...James

 

I was really wondering why he was being so sweet lately, now I know. yes, this is how he does it!

I think I have 2 ideas to 'counter offer'. 1)our place isn't set up for young kids, and those who he wants to invite are fairly wild. my art studio would need doors/locks on it which currently it is lacking. so to inviting allll of them, doors will need installed so anything breakable or valuable (his sister is sticky fingered) can be locked away
2)we only have his mother and her friend and BIL.

either way he'll need to help out, more like I'll be the helper and he can do most.

I would have no problem saying no, but at this time, there seems in my best interest to try to find a middle ground. he KNOWS how badly this will freak me out, which does explain some of his overly nice gestures of late.

a restuarnt idea has been shot down numerous times before, I too thought it was agreat idea! he wants it HERE to show off the new house.

and really, I do not want to totally shoot him down, he did work hard on this house and I do not wish to tell him who he can/cannot have here. (altho last year I did try to have an elderly widower relative over for tday, and was told very harshly "no, what would mother say?!" because it was just the gentleman, not the whole fam damily.)

my guess is his mother has been dropping hints to him, she calls him several times most days on his cell. she knows our every move, he hides nothing from her. so she knows we spent tday with my folks here at home, and now she wants 'her dues'. that's how it goes, she works him, he pushes me. when/if i push back, that's when it hits the fan. its very sticky situation to say the least.

 

You can get some doors put up and do what we do... have em all at the same time. It's such a crazy wild explosion. I cook the basics of a meal,tell them to bring what they want to add and move all the breakables.

I'm glad that we've not tried to entertain two families like we were two families, but throw the whole crazy mess in there together. We took each other's families when we married to be our own... and while it's not always been pretty, we've worked it out.

One crazy day and then the rest of the Christmas season is mine, mine, mine...

dawn

 

Have you considered hiring an off-duty police officer?

If you ARE going to do it, bulk up YOUR side with a few friends. I see your passive aggressive and raise you two.

 

I'm sorry you can't go to work that day. It's how I finally dealt with GFB's sister's verba; cruelty. He never defended me either. My mother saiys I should say LOUDLY "Why would you say that?" every time she insults me.

 

I would do it! But I would probably get a little tipsy b4 they arrive...that always helps

 

learn to say no. It's harder then it sounds, but a great lesson in life. talk to you husband about it

 

My vote is to say absolutely no. Since you can't, then make a different compromise. You all meet at your house for vegetable platter and egg nog. People stare in awe at your house. Then, you all go to a restaurant. If he doesn't want to do the restaurant then tell him no, you are all out of options. And then DO NOT cook because he wants you to. Do not pretend to like people because he wants you to. If he buys a turkey or ham, keep it in the freezer. Do not clean the house. If people come over anyway because he's invited them for dinner, lock your studio and go visit your mother.

 

My vote is to say absolutely no. Since you can't, then make a different compromise. You all meet at your house for vegetable platter and egg nog. People stare in awe at your house. Then, you all go to a restaurant. If he doesn't want to do the restaurant then tell him no, you are all out of options. And then DO NOT cook because he wants you to. Do not pretend to like people because he wants you to. If he buys a turkey or ham, keep it in the freezer. Do not clean the house. If people come over anyway because he's invited them for dinner, lock your studio and go visit your mother.

Better said by you than I could ever do. Agree 100,000%

 

hmm. I gave him the counter offer, and asked nicely to open a conversation. putting up the doors was totally a big no. then I said having just his mother, her friend and the other relative would be pretty do-able. he said never mind, its just another day. huh???

i am guessing his mother put a bug in his ear right before he dropped that on me. and now that he's had a day to think it over, maybe he realized that's not such a hot idea? got me. but it makes me nervous, is he going to hold it over me? be crabby? oh yes, there will come a day he'll throw it back at me, but I DID try to compromise, or did I not?

and maura--i wanna be like you when I grow up! so well put i'm speechless. almost!

 

If people are crappy towards you or make you feel like bad in any way, there is no reason to be around them. Just being faaaammmily doesn't make you obligated to be best friends. Don't let anyone walk on you (aka sister and mother who've carped on you).

What would give you Xmas joy? Your babies and husband? Or a bunch of jerky old in laws telling you how it is?

There is nothing wrong with simply saying no.

 

If you ARE going to do it, bulk up YOUR side with a few friends. I see your passive aggressive and raise you two.

And this man is a genius!

 

hmm. I gave him the counter offer, and asked nicely to open a conversation. putting up the doors was totally a big no. then I said having just his mother, her friend and the other relative would be pretty do-able. he said never mind, its just another day. huh???

i am guessing his mother put a bug in his ear right before he dropped that on me. and now that he's had a day to think it over, maybe he realized that's not such a hot idea? got me. but it makes me nervous, is he going to hold it over me? be crabby? oh yes, there will come a day he'll throw it back at me, but I DID try to compromise, or did I not?

and maura--i wanna be like you when I grow up! so well put i'm speechless. almost!

Don't be anyone's doormat. My FIL was very nasty, always putting everyone down and no one would stand up to him. Finally, when I had enough from him I told him off, in fact I was yelling at him. He tip toed around me after that. He didn't change how he was with the other's, but he never bothered me again. I think with my ranting and yelling, I scared him.

 

Sounds like an earlier problem you shared...that you and hubby are not on the same team...

 

I don't get along with DH's family that much, but I suck it up because I love my DH.

This is ONE DAY. You can put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Clean the house, make the basics, ask them to bring a dish to pass and have a good time.

Why did you have your family over? Because you like them and want to spend time with them. Guess what. Your DH likes his family and wants to spend time with them, too. Maybe he's tired of always going over there and wants to be gracious and return the favor.

Ever think that the in laws don't want to come over to a grumpy, husband controlling womans house who makes it clear that she doesn't want them there? My guess is that as long as you have this attitude they'll be as uncomfortable as you want them to be. Just like you, though, they come over because they love your DH, too.

I say you need to suck it up, get on DH's team instead of wanting him to come over to your team and make up your mind to enjoy the day. Go into it with a bad attitude and you'll get a bad day.

 

Tell dh if he wants the whole shebang there, he has to do EVERYTHING by himself. You did your thing at Thanksgiving for your family, it's only fair he does it for his if that's what he wants. Just his mom and bf, you are willing to do half, maybe?

100%!

Your DH is being waaaay too presumptuous!

It's all very well that it's a good idea IN HIS HEAD, but, it's your Christmas too.

Santa Claus isn't going to provide all the food, prep, clean up! You want to have a quiet time and well, you should!

One word.....NO!!!!!

 

What Knowonespecial said only with this caveat! There would be doors on the studio with locks and when you get tired of them you retire there so they can visit and you can nap or something. That would be the compromise I would make. And I used to drive my car to visit my inlaws, the marriage counselor suggested it, when they came here if I got tired of the hubbub I went to my bedroom and laid down. They got over it, dh got to entertain his family here and I got to get away from it when I needed to.

 

Why is it that he can say a big NO to your ideas, but you can't say no to him? I would give him the option of a restaurant or nothing at all. And explain exactly why. Until he puts on his big boy pants and starts being on YOUR SIDE for once he can forget having his family over.