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Confused...again. Would like some input.

4.3K views 72 replies 35 participants last post by  tinknal  
#1 · (Edited)
OK so I've been seeing this girl. Some of you remember my previous post about how to break the ice and wondering if she likes me at all. So I went for a kiss and she turned me down, then I went for it again and she reciprocated.

So we've been seeing each other for I guess about a month or so. She is over almost every night. But there are some things that have me confused and uncomfortable...I've never experienced anything like this, frankly.

#1 She never initiates any affection, EVER. I always have to go to her and it feels like she 'allows' it. Last night I just stayed to myself to see what she would do and she seemed to not notice or care. I have to reach out to hold her hand, I have to kiss her, hug her, etc. I get the feeling that she's not that into it.

#2 She went to a bit of trouble to get me to meet her dad, it seemed important to her which made me think she takes me as a potentially serious mate.

#3 She talks alot about this guy she likes who moved out of state, and other ex's.

#4 She got this new job from this much older guy ( I am older by 12 years this guy is like her dads age ) who came down to the store and 'begged her' to work for him. She seems very impressed with this guy, his farm, and everything he does and says. This morning she started up again about him and how he showed her his property of like 150 acres...and she said "I was like, wow...what are YOU do'in later?"

WTH is that supposed to mean?

Maybe I'm just being insecure, maybe I'm picking up on some stuff, maybe both IDK. She seems to want to be here, but IDK why because it doesn't appear to be for me. Maybe she just likes my situation but will trade up for a better one in a heartbeat...just not feeling any love.
 
#3 ·
Maybe she really likes you and is trying to make you jealous OR she doesnt really care and is shopping for the best deal she can make. I would be concerned about her lack of physical responsiveness. I would think in a new relationship that there would be a lot of signs of affection

There is confused and uncomfortable because you are enamored and want everything to be special and there is the confused and uncomfortable because it feels wrong, only you can tell the difference.

She is shy , maybe you should give it more time
 
#5 ·
Maybe she really likes you and is trying to make you jealous OR she doesnt really care and is shopping for the best deal she can make. I would be concerned about her lack of physical responsiveness. I would think in a new relationship that there would be a lot of signs of affection

There is confused and uncomfortable because you are enamored and want everything to be special and there is the confused and uncomfortable because it feels wrong, only you can tell the difference.

She is shy , maybe you should give it more time
I dont know about shy anymore. i think we are beyond that. There just isn't anything there that I can feel. Feels like living with a vulcan.
 
#6 ·
If she never initiates affection, and you like someone like that, perhaps she isn't for you . . .

If she is thinking of all other people, ex's and old guy w/ lots of acreage, perhaps you should let her concentrate on them, not bother with her. . . .

Perhaps she is just interested in looking around, and not yet ready for a steady guy.

Maybe she is troubled and doesn't know yet what she wants. Maybe she introduced you to her dad to get him off her back.
This doesn't mean you arent a worthwhile catch, but perhaps you'd find someone who suits you better.
 
#9 ·
:drum:

Women are Weird, we really are.

:drum:
Really, really weird. I agree. The good thing is that with all the mixed messages I'm getting to the point where I just don't give a darn. Its exhausting and I feel like it should be easy.

I think I'm just going to make an effort to turn off, and refocus on other things.
 
#10 ·
If a woman wrote this I would suggest running away as fast as she could.....I think that would be good advice for you too! Something is going on and my gut tells me it is bad news and most likely hurtful.
 
#13 ·
I think I'm just going to make an effort to turn off, and refocus on other things.
Relationships that last generally (or can) work better the slower you start off. I'd say what you just said here is your best bet. Doesn't seem like you know each other that well anyway, so why the rush to the kissing and what not, especially with her reaction or lack of. Just hang out and be friends and see what happens...if nothing then, okay.

Everyone is different and I guess I refrain from trying to define someone's behavior from afar without actually seeing it, it doesn't sound like she's too invested, but then again, it's from your perspective. Perhaps her responses is about all she can do at this moment regardless of her feelings, if she has any.

Sounds like no one really knows what they want. Back off and be friends, get to know her more, then you will be able to better interpret her actions.
 
#14 ·
If a woman wrote this I would suggest running away as fast as she could.....I think that would be good advice for you too! Something is going on and my gut tells me it is bad news and most likely hurtful.
I agree! Something is weird with this young woman. She may have a personality disorder OR her behavior falls into the autism spectrum.

Run like the wind.
 
#15 ·
Just found something out...the new boss is related to the old boyfriend who moved out of state ( the one she always talks about ). I dont really get whats going on but theres more than meets the eye, clearly.

Its like an onion, the more layers I peel away the more it stinks...
 
#16 ·
Well about the ONLY thing you can do is ASK her. If you can't make yourself do that then what good is having a relationship. Sounds like she is not really into you because if she doesn't kiss you unless you make the first move that is WAY too much on your part and nothing on hers.

Is she is using her new boss to keep in contact with the old boyfriend? Who knows? Is she trying to make you jealous? Who can tell?

She is the ONLY one with the answers and if you ain't asking she ain't telling.
 
#18 ·
Have you asked her what is going on?
Most women don't discuss other men and old boyfriends with someone they care about and want to be involved with.
You are convenient and much to accessible, cut back on contact and see what happens.
Sounds as if you are convenient right now, or she is waiting for something better, guess you will need to decide how important the relationship is to YOU and act accordingly. Frankly, I have to agree with Shannon, move on, there are many more mature girls out there who will appreciate you.

Just my two cents worth, hope it is not to blunt and take it with a half cup of salt.
 
#19 ·
I dated someone like this last year, just about the same thing, but she wanted me to take her out every weekend. I even met her brother and his gf, and was set up to go meet her dad too, but after a month of dating, she still wouldn't let me know where "it" was going. She was kind of stand-offish also like you described. After a month I got tired of not really knowing what we were doing and broke it off with her. A few weeks later she plastered pics of her and her new bf all over Facebook and they looked happy, so, I am happy for them.

Kind of like that saying, a guy asks a girl to marry him and she says no, so the guys friend says he is probably bummed out, but he says, no, I only found out she don't care for me, she should be the one that is sad, she lost someone that really cared about her.
 
#22 ·
I'm the last one that needs to give anyone advice but....
She is immature. Try to find a woman closer to your age that knows what she wants. This one sounds like she still wants to play games.
 
#23 ·
Maybe maybe maybe or try this n if that dosnt wrk. I was in a relationship once so im a exepert. Well after u do all that think back on what relationship that every started like that. K so every relationship ive been in has started intense
 
#24 ·
"I was like, wow...what are YOU do'in later?"

WTH is that supposed to mean?
Sounds like a mixed up woman, wanting to find a man with such things, she could feel good about, brag about, or show off?

And she would like you to have such things? It could be good or bad, depending on your own feelings. A woman can help/be a driving force, or they can drag you down like an anchor. The time limit on some of their goals can change without a hint.

I'd say she was interested, or she wouldn't be there, but she's also interested in other things besides just you. A young gal probably should have a clue about your intentions in life?

I think a lot of them are still searching for a happy spot in life, and possibly for you to provide it? It's not totally about love! I'm sure there are some that are true, but it's few!

My experience is pretty limited, so don't take what I've written to heart.
 
#25 ·
On the other hand, I've always felt it was the mans job to offer a partner some sense of security and acceptance, and strive for betterment.

Just how much are you willing to give, and is there an end in sight?