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Discussion Starter #1
DS10 is having a sleepover with a friend who is 9. The friend's parents are protective, but in a way that makes DH and I uncomfortable.
They keep trying to get us involved in parenting their child and making decisions for him so they don't have to say 'No'.

For example, today we asked to take the friend to the movies to see the Transformers movie. Now we think it might be an intense movie, so I understand concerns.
They wanted us to 'expermiment' (their words) with their son to see if he would have a problem with the intensity.
But first they wanted to discuss all their worries with their son first and point out all the things that might scare him.
Then after the movie they wanted to call him and go over every thing that might have possibly bothered him. :rolleyes:

We've seen their method of discussing things with their child. The poor kid ends up freaked out AFTER they try to protect him.

We don't want to 'experiment' with someone else's child.

Is this common for other parents to do this?
In the end we cancelled the movie date and are going to see the movie as a family instead on another day.

The mom tried to talk us into her son going so she 'could see how he handles it'. No thanks.
 

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I"m with you, it's not my place to do parental experimentation with another family's child, and I don't want our family time being shadowed by it either.

Reese
 

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No, because "You know your child and his reactions best, and so you would be the better judge of how he is handling it".

Many years ago, when my oldest was afraid of the dark, we tried her on a kids movie. Nope. So, we spent time in the lobby instead. I would not have left that judgement call to another Mother.
 

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I'd fade the friendship with the two children into an acqaintance-type relationship.

And, if the parents ask why, I guess I'd be blunt and tell them how I felt.

That child is going to need major head work!
 

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What I have ran into with my family is they want me to make their kid behave or help raise their child but they don't want me to discipline. Not that I would. I agree with Ardie. I have some relatives that try this but I would never consider parenting anyone else's child. That is just really odd. For one thing it is limited so the entire point is ridiculous. Another thing just wait until they DON'T like your opinion on something...trouble. You can certainly have the children play together in your environment (where your rules naturally apply) which will give the child some insight into how other people's family unit works. I would never undermine their authority (if they even have any!) with their child but offer advice to the parents when the child isn't around. But other than these I would stay far away. If they really want help suggest a couple of good parenting books.

My biggest peeve is the ones that think it is their DUTY to go around "fixing" everyone else's kids! Uber strict on other children while they sit there and let their own get away with worse. The double standard type that are strict, judgemental, always pointing out the faults of your kids and what you should do but don't do it with their own kids. That is the worst situation imo.

On the flip side I have relatives/friends that are always trying to undermine my authority with my own children because they think they know better which really irritates me. I have had siblings let my children watch movies that I didn't allow because they felt I was too strict and feeling they needed to "enlighten" my poor deprived children into the ways of the world. Argh!
 

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FWIW, that movie is probably not appropriate for nine/ten year olds. Particularly if one of the kids is sheltered & protected. It's PG13 for a reason; I was kinda surprised they got away with the scene with Sam's mother asking him about an embarrassing subject in a PG-13 movie.

It's a very funny, very well done movie that had me laughing through the whole thing -- but it has one scene with a rather adult discussion in it (played for the laugh factor) that makes it 'not child safe' ...
 

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We have been parenting someone else's child since last fall (weekends only except for Christmas and Easter where he stayed with us a week). He's been living with us the past 2 months and now we will be going to court to get legal guardianship, hopefully as early as next week so we don't run into the disagreement issue. The mother is in agreement with us and fully supports us having guardianship.

Ami, you opened my eyes to see how someone else might feel about our situation, but I'm not sure it is the same, but that could be I'm sitting on this side of the fence.

We didn't actively persue being parents to this 13 year old child, it happened because of neglect of the mother and the bond of love that has formed between our family and this child.

Sure, we're strict with D, but not any more so than we have been or are with our other children.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Thanks everyone. I feel better now. There had been other warnings that this sort of thing would happen and I didn't take it seriously. Lesson learned.

Thanks for the heads up Cygnet. The mom of the friend had vaguely mentioned something about that but wasn't sure what it was. That was one of the things she wanted to 'experiment'. We will wait and rent it so DH and I can view it first.

We had already promised dinner and sleepover to our son, so we did that.
I'll spare you the details, but that kid should not allowed in public without a leash.
He is never going anywhere with us again.

At the house he is not much of a problem. (I have learned to not let the mom come in the house if at all possible.)
We just say NO. Period. End of discussion. He is pretty good at following our house rules. He's catching on that please, thank you, etc. are required and that telling me what to do (he must do that A LOT at home) earns nothing but a pointed stare, raised eyebrow and a hand on the hip while I wait for the kid to come to his senses.
 

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Quick clarification -- I was at work when I posted the last post (on lunch) and didn't want to trigger the nanny filter there. The scene that I don't feel is appropriate for younger children has to do with Sam Witwicky's mother bringing up the subject of masturbation, very much to his embarrassment. (Poor Sam. He spends half the movie either mortally embarrassed or terrified.) It's a funny, funny scene on multiple levels -- it had me laughing until my sides hurt.

(Actually, the whole movie is hysterically funny. I was totally not expecting Transformers to be a comedy, but it very much is.)

However, for obvious reasons, it's not a movie that's appropriate for all children. It's fine for most adults and older teens who aren't going to be offended by a little off-color humor.
 
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