Work Related Question - Is this so wrong????

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by donsgal, Dec 21, 2006.

  1. donsgal

    donsgal Nohoa Homestead

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    From time to time I think about getting a "real job". The job I have pays well but it is so terribly physically demanding that I have little time for anything else (and I do mean *anything*).

    Once in a while it even goes so far as to result in an interview. On those occasions my husband normally goes along for the ride.

    My husband is a huge part of my life. We are together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is natural to me that he would be part of the process from the very beginning. I want him to SEE where I would be working, look over the place, give me his impression of the atmosphere or "vibes" of the place. Tell me what he thinks of the other people working there etc. His opinion is very important and valuable to me.

    Other forums where I have mentioned this people are agast and horrified that I would even consider bringing my husband to a job interview. (Mind you he waits in the waiting area, he doesn't come IN to the interview with me). It seems like most of the time, the interviewer seems to react as though he doesn't mind this and sometimes even comments that it is nice that the husband takes so much interest. It never occurred to me that there could be anything negative about having your beloved spouse with you.

    Now, I have very good credentials and experience in many different fields. Granted, I am no spring chicken at 51, and being 50 pounds overweight doesn't help either. So, I have always thought that when I did not get these jobs that it was because the people wanted a young, Frou-frou chickie with the trendy clothes, makeup and etc. You know the "Charlie's Angels type". But people I have spoken with say that having my dh there might have been a negative to getting the job.

    This baffles me. I cannot understand why this would be a negative.

    I'm curious as to what your opinions are about this situation and what you would do/say in my place. I don't have many "real people" to ask about this, and the other forum I mentioned this on is NOT for the homesteading type. SO I'd like to get my friends' from HT take on this.

    Thanks all.

    donsgal
     
  2. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    I've done interviews, and I've been interviewd...

    In your situation, I'd wonder if you could work without hubby.

    I'd not hire you. Sorry...but you have to stand on YOUR feet.

    Angie
     

  3. Old Vet

    Old Vet In Remembrance

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    It is the type of job that you are apling for wheather you may bring a husband to the interview. In most of the jobs they are only looking for indepintant people to do the job this is the type of job that you can not take another person with you. Other jobs are looking for anybody to do the job and are not concerend with who you bring.
    It would be helpful to know what kind of job you are talking about.
     
  4. Jen H

    Jen H Well-Known Member

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    Honestly, as a business owner and former boss, I'd be concerned about having a spouse *that* interested in where my potential employee was working. I'b be concerned about that spouse interfering with the job itself or with my oversight of you as my employee.

    That may not be your situation at all, but that's what my concern would be. And there's no way I'd ever tell you that was why someone else got the job. I'd be concerned 1) that you might press some sort of discrimination lawsuit, and 2) that he might beat you for losing the job due to his presence.

    You have to realize that the interviewer doesn't know you or your husband, and has no idea what your home situation is like.
     
  5. donsgal

    donsgal Nohoa Homestead

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    Oh let's see. One was working at the front desk at a chiropractor's office. One was working with medical insurance forms at a company that submitted them for doctor's offices, one was straight data entry, one was signing up with a temp agency (they never called). Mostly they are clerical, office, or computer-related things.

    donsgal
     
  6. Country Lady

    Country Lady Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Please attend interviews alone. Taking kids, friends or family members is a no-no.
     
  7. moonwolf

    moonwolf Well-Known Member

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    one way to test if you believe hubby's presence influencing the interview process is to go for the next interview without him and see if that makes any difference.
    You may be reading too much into the other factor's other than your husband coming along. After you get the job, why not introduce him to your new co workers. He could still get a feel for where you're working if it makes you feel more comfortable. You can always quit if it don't pan out to your sensibilities.
     
  8. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

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    Leave hubby at home or at least out in the car. I would not want to hire someone that appeared so needy and dependent on their spouse, which is what it looks like when you bring him along. I am aware that this is not true in your case, but first impressions are everything.
     
  9. Old Vet

    Old Vet In Remembrance

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    One of the things that I looked for in people that did theat kind of work is weather they had relibile transportation to work. If they had another peerson along I always asked them if they had a drivers lisence so they can get ther by themself. I used to interview severial people and that would be a big nevetavie in their courner.
     
  10. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    No Way! They're hiring you, not your whole family!
     
  11. fransean

    fransean Well-Known Member

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    If your husband is with you 24/7 how would that work if you were apart?

    I used to be in a position to hire and I would not get a good "vibe" from a potential employee that needed someone else to size up the job. I would not be employing the husband right? Interviewing is an "individual sport" not a group event.

    I would never dream of taking my husband along on an interview or going with him either. I would however expect that we discuss any offers before either one of us accept because we are partners and a job change could make changes in both our lives. But that discussion should be happening at home.

    The company I work for now does not hire as many younger people instead most of those that I work with are in their 40's and 50's with some in their 60's. They look for experience. You have to know the atmosphere of the company, always research a company if you really want the job find out something about them that you can talk about during the interview.

    Bev
     
  12. RoseGarden

    RoseGarden Well-Known Member

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    I would have to agree with everyone else so far... as an employer I have interviewed people and would find myself wondering why your husband came with you. I would wonder if you needed his permission to work, if you only had one vehicle and transportation might be a problem, etc.

    I would definitely leave him at home or at least in the car, and park it out of sight. No offense meant, of course, but you should present yourself as capable of being unsupervised, and a husband tagging along doesn't reflect that.
     
  13. mama2littleman

    mama2littleman El Paso

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    I'm going to agree with the others. I have been on hiring commitees, and that would send up all kinds of red flags for me. And if the choice is between red flags and no red flags, guess who wins?

    Nikki
     
  14. frogmammy

    frogmammy Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Excellent points made already! I also would not hire you, nor would I hire the little Chickie-poo who shows up with a girlfriend.

    Mon
     
  15. crafty2002

    crafty2002 Well-Known Member

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    Not putting you down, but it would make me wonder if you could do anything right with out hubby holding your hand or if you were so insecure that you couldn't even come in without him. :shrug:
    I have hired and fired more people than I care to remember, and it wasn't this type of job. It was always construction, such as welding, electrical, carpentry, etc., but any time some one showed up with a friend or whatever, a Red Flag went up asap. I don't even like to see someone with another person in the car. It makes me wonder if you really want a job or if you are just wasteing time to make someone else happy, like yes hubby, I went to so and so but they wouldn't hire me so I still don't have a job.
     
  16. momlaffsalot

    momlaffsalot Well-Known Member

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    I would absolutely think there is something wrong if you brought hubby to an interview! I'd think either you can't be without him, or he's one of those men who won't let you out of his sight. Neither scenario makes for a good employee.
     
  17. QBVII

    QBVII Well-Known Member

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    If your hubby is just going into the WAITING AREA, and not into the interview itself, why is that so wrong in everyone's eyes?
    Gosh, my hubby has come on MANY interviews with me! I've even taken my kids with me, and the three of them would sit quietly in the waiting area while I did the interview --- what's so weird about that???
    I don't understand what everyone is so appalled about --- I could see it, if she was bringing her spouse into the actual interview, or seemed unduly dependent on him during the interview (such as consulting him before answering a question); but just having him in the waiting area? What is wrong with that?
    I've done that many times and no one thought it was odd at all.
    Matter of fact, the job I now have is one where my ENTIRE FAMILY (hubby and two kids) went to the interview WITH me! LOL They stayed in the waiting area while I interviewed.
    No one thought it was strange...........
     
  18. MorrisonCorner

    MorrisonCorner Mansfield, VT for 200 yrs

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    Why, as an employer, I would think it strange enough not to hire someone who showed up with a spouse:

    1. It speaks to the reliability of transportation. Now, if this were addressed in the opening of the interview "my husand is waiting for me because we dropped his car off at the shop this morning," I wouldn't give it a second thought. But if he's just sitting out there? It would give me pause to wonder if this person could get to and from work reliably. In my case this means not only will they arrive on time in the morning, but will they be able to leave, because our factory is isolated, and locked down when we close. So if there isn't reliable transport someone is going to have to take that worker home... and once in a while stuff happens and the employees help each other out willingly. But as a regular thing? No.

    2. In a society where men go ballistic and kill their wives and girlfriends in parking lots the husband sitting in the waiting room is indeed a red flag. I will not even consider putting my other employees at risk. I don't know why he's there, frankly, I don't care. I'm going to err on the side of caution and not hire you.

    3. Assuming (but I wouldn't go past #2, so this is a sort of waste of time) I did get past the "husband has control issues" issue I'd probably be unable to get past the "infantile female" issue. My aunt, who was a SAHM, never drove a car. She had 8 children (at one point 6 under the age of 5!), they had a large house in a neighborhood, and she walked them to school, walked to the store, walked everywhere. If they had to go somewhere, her husband drove. She was an amazingly competent household manager and mother, quick witted, and now runs her own business. But without having the ability to exhibit the most basic independance by arriving at the interview alone I sincerely doubt anyone would have hired her for even a very basic clerical job. Having someone come with you to the interview, provide transport, and (gag!) sit in the waiting room, if it doesn't scream "creepy" screams "unprepared." Or at the best "inadequate skill sets."

    The temp firm? That job requires not only reliable independant transportation, but when you go to a job you're representing not only yourself, but that temp firm. I can certainly see why they never called you back if you showed up with your husband. They must have thought "ye gads..." and deep sixed your resume as you went out the door.

    Your husband needs to stay at home, or your husband needs to go for coffee somewhere while you go to interviews without him.
     
  19. Alice In TX/MO

    Alice In TX/MO More dharma, less drama. Supporter

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    As a former Speech Communicatin teacher who included a unit on interviews each year, bringing a friend/spouse/partner to an interview is against the unwritten rules.

    It is essential for someone being interviewed to see themselves from the point of view of the potential boss. Look at all aspects, your clothes, hair, fingernails, shoes, grammar, voice, energy level, the way you sit, and the hidden messages in what you say. Again, from the point of view of the potential boss, NOT from your point of view where you think you know what it all means.

    You've gotten good advice from the members here. Sit quietly and reflect on it.

    Huggs,
    Rose
     
  20. via media

    via media Tub-thumper

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    Just chiming in to agree with the majority of the responses here.

    You know you aren't a kowtowing, spineless mush but think about how it looks to someone who's evaluating you for the first time.

    /VM