will be alone for a while

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by romancemelisa, Sep 15, 2004.

  1. romancemelisa

    romancemelisa Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    375
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    Sep 15, 2004
    Location:
    TX
    my husband is in the oil industry he is a contractor, he designs off shore oil rigs, well the market for this, is terrible now, we have lost over 3/4 of our income since, jan. we can no longer afford to keep our house or our children in pvt. school, and have already had one veichle repo'ed last month, he now rides his bike 11 mile to work, well we have a little land in the family and our thinking about homesteading it, the problem is i will be there alone with 2 children, and he will stay here and work, and be home on the weekends, to help clear our part of the land, my cousin has a trailer, which we will stay in till we get this done. any thoughts on a women being alone in the woods, there is 2 family members already there, and they do not get along, just want to keep to myself and not hurt feelings or take sides, any suggestions?
     
  2. greenacres

    greenacres Well-Known Member

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    678
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    Feb 21, 2003
    Location:
    North Central Texas
    Hello. We are in a similar situation. I am due the end of October with child number 3~surprise!! I have been in the hospital and we now have a lot of hospital bills and doctors for me to see. Because of this we have moved to a trailer on my in-laws property. We brought our 6 goats and the dogs and a few chickens. My advice for you is to stay busy, which you probably will if you are going to be by yourself. If you stay busy, you don't have time to get involved with the other family members. My in-laws are here as well as my brother-in-law, his wife and their 2 children. I try real hard to keep to my self. I would make out a game plan with your husband on what the priorities are out on your land, so you would both feel like he has a part in what happens during the week. How old are your children? Get them involved and keep them busy too. If you would like to pm me feel free. Good luck.
     

  3. romancemelisa

    romancemelisa Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Location:
    TX
    my children are 11 and 5. the 11 yr.old has a broken leg right now with a cast upto his thigh, so i guess they won't be very helpful right now,but can keep a eye on each other. we won't have any money to clear the land, this will be mostly my job and my honey will be there on the weekends and is a very hard worker. this is something i have wanted to do for about 10 years and i will be committed to it i guess my main fear is leaving what i already know. my husband and i are not young, but not old either, the only thing to fear is fear itself .
     
  4. JackieA

    JackieA Well-Known Member

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    Jun 21, 2004
    Location:
    Tulsa, OK

    So sorry to hear about your situation. If you do move on the land, like said above - keep busy and right down your progress each day - you will see how much you are accomplishing and it is a feel good! Positve notes: your hubby is getting some good exercise/fresh air in everyday; you don't have that extra car payment now; and sad has it is losing a house, you can eventually build a house yourself for way cheaper and to fit your life!
    Question: size of land? and will you be able to own it?
    JackieA
     
  5. romancemelisa

    romancemelisa Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Location:
    TX
    under 3 acres for my part, and yes it is my fathers part of my grandma-ma's estate there is only me and my brother and i dont, mind sharing though i don't think he will ever use it, he lives in seattle and my father said i have has much right to be up there as the other family members, i think he is excited for us to go.
     
  6. JackieA

    JackieA Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Jun 21, 2004
    Location:
    Tulsa, OK

    Good size of land for your homestead! New adventure for you all! Am I going overboard trying to make you feel better about your current situation? :) Will your husband eventually try and find a job in the area by the land? JackieA
     
  7. kathy H

    kathy H kathyh

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    Dec 9, 2002
    Location:
    California
    I have had to go through the same thing a year and a half ago so I know what your going through. Husband was in computer managment and the bottom fell out. We sold our house[ just before we would have not been able to make payments] and we moved to our land[ 2.5 acres].Got enough from house to put modular on property and put up a perimeter fence. Boy was I scared! Son [ at time was 7] was not happy either. Now I love it, hubby works ten min from home,we were able to keep our horses and move them to property and daughters were able to keep the show goats they had for seven years. And the sky is so pretty at night with no lights. Every day I wake up thankful that we have the veiws we do and that we had the courage to make the change. Son loves it now to. If this is what you want you can do this! You wont be alone you have the kids. And now you can get a hoe and start clearing your land and getting a garden space ready for next spring. Be brave and enjoy the ride.
     
  8. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

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    Nov 9, 2003
    Location:
    Indiana
    Are you from the area/ If not, try to find some contacts, some friends that are like minded. Chances are you will find a few that can either teach you a skill or help you finish what you've started. And when your little man gets out of his cast he will be a huge help, until then he can do "seat work"...and play with the youngest...maybe grandad can take them fishing or something until they can get more involved. You are really going to enjoy it, just like someone said before, make a to do list and also a done list, to help you "see" your progress. You will be suprised how working a few inches at a time can really add up.
     
  9. romancemelisa

    romancemelisa Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Location:
    TX
    i want to sincerely thank everyone, for all your support today.i had been excited all week about this new adventure, and then when i woke up this morning it hit me like a ton of bricks that my husband would not be there for the day to day conversations or the laughs we share, we have only been married for 4 yrs. and i do dread being a single parent even just for a little while,(done it alone for 23 yrs.) and he will be over 200 miles away,. but you all gave me so much hope today and i do know we can come through this and have a fine place. thank-you
     
  10. BCR

    BCR Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    WV
    Don't forget, you will have everyone here to talk to about your projects as they come up.

    I know phone calls can get expensive, but maybe he could get a free e-mail account and go to the library and e-mail you if you have access on the land. That can really brighten a day.
     
  11. westbrook

    westbrook In Remembrance

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    May 10, 2002
    In your conversation..keep it focused on the weather, gardening, your surroundings, their future plans, yours, but.. no not listen to gossip. And remind others that you do not want to hear it should it come up.

    You can do this! it will be an adventure! a wonderful time for the children and you to build memories. Keep scrap books, journals, make quilts together! Join the PTA, become a teachers aid, join the local church. Make a Garden, raise a few chickens and rabbits for meat and eggs.

    When your husband comes home look at all the things you will have to talk about! and he can see all the things you have made throughout the week. Besides you amd the children can bake special cookies for Daddy to take back with him to work.

    And stay in touch!
     
  12. PonderosaQ

    PonderosaQ Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
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    Jan 12, 2004
    Location:
    SW VA
    I have been alone since early Feb. Though I don't have young children I have a handicapped daughter and until recently also had a sickly mother-in-law with me. There will days that go fine and days that you just want to cry but that's normal. Believe in yourself and keep telling the kids all will be OK. Before you know it on bad days they will be helping you get throughand teling you it will be OK.

    Get the kids chickens or animals of some type to care for and keep themselves occupied. Your living quartes will get small very fast. Make sure they also have chores they can tell dad they got done. Have them write to dad to stay in touch and brighten his day. Look forward to the weekend and start working towards it on thurs, making special food, baking a cake. I make and freeze food for my hubby to take home when he comes to visit.

    Stay in touch any way you can, phone, e-mail etc. My husband got me a digital camera so I could send him pictures of what was happening here.

    You are doing what you have to for your family and should be proud of yourself. There are lots of folks here to help with problems and support you in other ways too. If it helps you in any way be glald your husband can come every weekend. I only see mine and get his help every 6-8 weeks and then his mom wants her share too.

    Oh ignore anyone who tries to make you feel this is wrong, you can't do it etc. Lots of the folks I've met since moving here seem to feel a woman on her own will never survive and it's just not true. Tell your kids that too.

    Good luck...pm me if you'd like to.

    PQ
     
  13. Shrek

    Shrek Singletree Moderator Staff Member

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    Apr 30, 2002
    Location:
    North Alabama
    Sorry to hear of your troubles. Your welcome to come lurk and participate with us on Singletree. We single folks are addressing the task of one person homeplace work all the time. Living and eating and making it work for ourselves by ourselves is our top objective. Some of our approaches may be of use to you.
     
  14. MorrisonCorner

    MorrisonCorner Mansfield, VT for 200 yrs

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    Jul 27, 2004
    Location:
    VT
    I built my garden by hand, but saying "one foot." Every day my goal was to turn over one foot of a raised bed. Between the rows I put down newspaper and anything that would hold it in place. Most days I did more, but in a couple of days I had enough space to plant lettuce.. then spinache, then carrots... gave me a real feeling of control over what was going on.

    I found that really regimenting my day also helped to keep things moving, on track, and kept me from getting too overwhelmed and depressed. And.. I confess.. sometimes I would do something purely for aesthetics. Just whacking back the weeds around the house makes it seem more like "home." I put a little flower bed in just because it cheered me up.

    But the most important thing is to not get too tired and run down. Take a break a few times a day to sit down, have a pot of tea, nibble on something, and just sit. It will help keep you motivated and from collapsing!
     
  15. sancraft

    sancraft Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,961
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    Jun 7, 2002
    Location:
    Georgia
    When I bought my first homestead, I was separated from my DH and it was just me and my 2 girls, then 9 and 12. The property was badly overgrown and the house in much need of repair. We worked on the outside (after work) until dark every day and the inside until 11 pm. Then it was home to bed. In 3 months, we had a garden in, 6ft tall grass cut on 5 acres, fencing up, barn roof repaired, chickens in the coop, 2 goats and 1 bedroom, bathroom and kitchen in good repair. We moved in and kept working. We were already close, but the work bonded us even closer. I took back my now ex and becuase of things that he did (without my knowledge) I lost my house. My girls and I are now living in one room at my sister's house and my animals are boarded 30+ miles away. We will find our new homestead. I feel confident of that and it will be soon. You will be fine out there. And you and the children willl get such a feeling of accomplishment when you see what you have done. Your husband with be strenghten by your strength. Every thing will be fine. I know we make be a distant second to your husband, but we're always here. Good luck on your adventure. Sometimes God can't bless us with more because we won't give up the little we have. This is a blessing. Just count your blessings instead of sheep. You have a place to go, you are home with your children, your husband is working. Girl, life is good. Keep your head up. Do you need any boxes for packing? :)