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644 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay this might be a little long but I'm not really sure were else to turn. I am so confused, angry and lost I just dont know what to do. I have lost my faith and am trying to find my way back. I want to believe in God so very much but it is so difficult. Some very difficult things have happened in my life for the past three years and I will admit though I was raised in a religious household I never fully believed. Its so confusing one day I will say thank you to god for anything such as for the sky being blue or for letting me get through the day. Then the next day I'm angry at him for the way things are going in my life and I am unwilling to believe there might even be a god. I did pull out my bible yesterday (it was given to me when my husband and I got married). But I am having trouble getting myself to open it and read it. I am so depressed over this situation, How do I start, how do I gain the faith that I read many of you have. How do I begin to truly believe?

In Remembrance
28,242 Posts
Hon, I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big hug.

How do you start to believe? How did you start to believe that the sun was shining? You saw it day by day and gradually there grew in you the knowledge that the sun rises every day and shines. Even when there are clouds in the way, the sun is shining. You KNOW this. Even in the darkest night you KNOW that the sun will rise in the morning. You have faith to believe the sun is there even when you cannot see or feel it.

God is there with you. Whether you feel Him or see the evidence of His care, He is still there. Even when the dark clouds of depression and doubt obscure His face from you, He is still there.

What we all must do to have faith is to get to know God. Sounds like a major, impossible task, doesn't it?

There is a way though. God gave us His Book that tells us about Him. It isn't just any Book, it is the Word and that means it is Himself. It is dynamic and alive and always fresh and up to date though written thousands of years ago. It is God's way to reach His hand out and draw you to Himself and teach you about Himself. God IS love and He love you, particularly and especially. You are His beloved and special child and He wants you to know this. So He gave you a copy of His love letter to you.
Now, I'm going to give you a passage of Scripture to read and study. It is Psalm 91 from "The Message" which is an amplified version in modern language so you can understand it better.

Psalm 91

1-13You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"
Read this passage several times a day until it is in your heart. Then get another passage. If you need help with it, you are more than welcome to post here or PM me.

I will be praying that the Father will help you to know and understand how very, very much He loves you.

644 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I dont know how to respond but with a thank you. I've printed up the verse and I promise to say it every day. I guess I'm looking for comfort, I have a very hard road ahead of me with a very large moutain and I'm scared. But I will say the verse and I will try to take it to heart and learn from it. Again Thank you.

Premium Member
7,590 Posts
Trust me, you're not the only one who has had tough times. To put it in perspective, in the last 5 years alone, I....

- lost my job
- lost my job again
- almost lost my wife
- endured 3 depression fits my wife had (one so severe she had to be committed for 2 weeks)
- endured my father suffering 2 heart attacks
- endured my mother leaving my father
- endured my brother hanging himself
- endured one back, 3 hand and 2 shoulder surgeries

and that's just the stuff I can think of off the top of my head. There's much more than that.

And it was tough during those times, I am not going to lie. But one thing I've discovered is that every time I was 'on the verge' of losing it, He was the ONE thing, that little sliver of hope, that stood between me and total despair.

What I've personally learned is that doubt, frustration, anger, all of those are okay, and understood by God, so LONG as they lead us towards a better understanding of Him. If I had just sat there, and cursed Him, that would be bad; but I kept searching for answers, and while I don't always get the answers I want, or WHEN I want, eventually I DID learn more about His purpose for my life, and without fail I can say that I am closer to Him than I have been.

And this is coming from an intellectual guy who wants cold hard answers if he can get I know how you must probably feel. All I can say is that it does get better, even if the only thing that GETS better in the short term is the fact that you are given the strength and courage to cope, if not necessarily instant peace and happiness.

I will continue to pray for you, Brother. :)

Premium Member
16,652 Posts
I've been where you are at. I was raised in a home that attended church. I'm not sure you would consider it a Christian home though. I had accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of 10 yrs, but as I got older and started seeing so much hypocrisy I lost my faith. I didn't get angry at God or anything like that, I just stopped believing he existed. I think I was about 15 yrs old at the time. I ran away from home at the age of 16 and got married to a man in the Army. He was an abusive alchoholic. I got pregnant the first month we were married. We were stationed far away from family and friends when I got pregnant with my second child less than a year after my first one was born.

When I was 19 yrs old I found out I was pregnant with my third child. I was devastated because I felt trapped with a man who beat me. I considered having an abortion because I wanted to join the military in order to get away from this man, but I couldn't join with 3 kids, too many dependants. Fortunately I did not get an abortion, but I came close enough that I had actually scheduled the appointment.

Before I had the abortion my home caught on fire. My first two kids did not survive the fire. I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks and the day I got out of the hospital my husband jumped on my stomach trying to make me lose the baby. He told me that I let our first two kids die and that I didn't deserve another child. I lost the baby I was carrying 3 months later. I left my husband and sort of wandered for several months, hitchhiking cross country. I was 19 yrs old. I ended up pregnant and didn't know who the dad was. Living in my car, not able to get a job I went back to my parents to see if they would help me, they closed the door in my face. That cemented my thoughts on "Christianity", since my parents were suppose to be Christians.

I lost my 4th baby, she was premature and lived 2 months on life support. At the age of 21 yrs I had buried 4 children, had no family support and no friends. I went from the funeral of my daughter to an Air Force recruiter and enlisted. During my time in basics my favorite uncle and cousin passed away in a car accident. Shortly after basics my brother-in-law, who was an Air Force pilot died in a plane crash, and not long after that my Grandmother passed away of cancer. I couldn't handle anymore and attempted suicide.

The doctors helped me some, but I still had nightmare just about every night. You see, I saw my daughter die in that fire and I was reliving that sight in my dreams. I hated life, I hated people and I hated myself, but I didn't hate God, because I didn't believe he existed.

I want to back track a minute here and mention someone I met the day of the fire. It was a lady who was a new Christian. The fire happened on December 30th, it was cold outside, but since I had been in the house when the fire started I was barefooted and in shorts. This woman took the shoes off her own feet and placed them on mine. She removed her coat, standing in a freezing rain and placed it on my shoulders. She is the one who took me to the hospital and then went to the stores to buy neccessities for me. She tried to share the love of God with me, but I didn't believe in God, but the words of God she shared with me and the actions I saw in her never left me. God's word is alive and will continue to work long after it is spoken.
Several years went by, at the age of 26 those words I had been running from finally brought me to my knees before God.

My faith has grown through the years through spending time with God. When I talk to God I talk to Him as my friend as well as my Creator. When I'm angry at God, I tell him, just like David did. God gave us our emotions and gives us the liberty to come to Him with boldness, He also reminds us, after we get it all out that ultimately, He is in control.

For your faith to grow you have to spend time with God in prayer and studying His word. You should surround yourself with Christians. There's a reason that the Bible tells us to bear one another's burdens. God knew we would need each other in trying times. Just remember, faith is the substance of things hoped for, in times when our faith is weak continue to hope. My prayers are with you and I apologize about the little novel I've written here, but when I read your post I felt led to share this part of my testimony with you. God is able to do above and beyond our expectations, we just need to seek and we'll find.

136 Posts
I am in the same place different reason I walked away .Knowing in my heart where I should be .The church I walked away from went through a nasty breakup my husband and I got caught in the middle of the whole thing I had people who called themselves Christains come to me in my face and tell me I didnt belong there and all kinds of nasty things we were the new ones in the church at the time so I thought I learned a lesson well when I left I made the remark I would never go to church again unless it was that church andI didnt think that would ever happen well little did I know at the time God was listening to me rant and rave and 20 yrs later he would call me on my words. My husband is in the fire company came home one night and said I met the new preacher ??I said oh yeah not knowing who he was talking about he said he wants to talk to you I said no way I am not getting into anything protaining to a church well lets see 5 months later I have slowly returned to the same church became friends with the pastor who has helped me every step of the way and learned in 5 months that everything I knew was wrong and that I wasnt saved I am having a hard time of it to but this time I have the desire to seek God and pray to keep on and beside I have Pastor Kevin yelling at me when I get discouraged and believe me we have a brother sister relationship and we lock horns more times then not .I know the emptiness the lonelyness and all that goes with it I dont feel Gods love but I will if I keep on I will pray for you because prayer is the one thing that works I have had someone come to me and tell me I have prayed for you since 2000 I didnt know it God has a plan for us where I am at is not his plan just my choice .Stay strong seek God even if you cant see him he is there even the simple prayer will do wonders I have others pray for me because I cant pray for myself Sorry so long but you touched me because of where I am at in my faith so much more to the story and hurt but you get the idea Lillie

1,729 Posts
For me it came down to understanding sin. Simply when I understood sin, the fall, the world, my own nature, I realized our great need for God. We are sinners in a sinful world and so we cannot escape suffering and tribulation. However, we are loved by God so much that He gave us His promised Son. He sent His Son to die for not only our sins but the sins of this world. Without the constant reminder of my sinful nature and the sin in this world how would I ever be able to know and understand what my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did for me? How would I ever know how much I needed Him and how much He loved me? How could I believe in all His promises? How could I want more? How could I be more? How could I trust more? How else would I be able to look forward to an eternity with Him? I can do all this because my own sins reveal how true His Word is. I cannot stop sinning and I cannot do anything on my own. He has done it all for me and continues to care for me.

Okay this might be a little long but I'm not really sure were else to turn. I am so confused, angry and lost I just dont know what to do. I have lost my faith and am trying to find my way back. I want to believe in God so very much but it is so difficult. Some very difficult things have happened in my life for the past three years and I will admit though I was raised in a religious household I never fully believed. Its so confusing one day I will say thank you to god for anything such as for the sky being blue or for letting me get through the day. Then the next day I'm angry at him for the way things are going in my life and I am unwilling to believe there might even be a god. I did pull out my bible yesterday (it was given to me when my husband and I got married). But I am having trouble getting myself to open it and read it. I am so depressed over this situation, How do I start, how do I gain the faith that I read many of you have. How do I begin to truly believe?
Most of us understand very well. It seems that disaster piling on disaster follows us.

Sometimes this verse resounds in my head:

Mark 9:24
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

But remember:

Romans 10:9
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.


Matthew 28:20
Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.

You will be in my prayers.

D-Idaho, Single
664 Posts

First, I love you, and I know everyone here will say the same and mean it.

As Christians, we all suffer, but we do not suffer alone. We have a Mighty God to cling to.
When I get down and think of my suffering as being unfair and unjust, I look at how Christ Jesus, my Savior has suffer for our sins. He paid the ultimate penalty just so we can be saved. Without His dying for our sins, we would be lost forever.

As Christians, we must suffer as Christ did. Being a Christian does not exclude us from suffering, getting sick, or anything else this world throws at us. While we are on this earth, we suffer the same things as everyone else does. We are human ans will suffer great things. Suffer we must if we walk in Christ Jesus. Here are some scriptures that might help.

Rom 8:17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Php 1:29 For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;

2Ti 2:9 Wherein I suffer trouble, as an evil doer, even unto bonds; but the word of God is not bound.

2Ti 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

1Pe 4:16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

Our God will never forsake you. He is always there and will always love you if you believe and have Faith and trust in Him to lead you.

Deu 31:8 And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

1Sa 12:22 For the LORD will not forsake his people for his great name's sake: because it hath pleased the LORD to make you his people.

Psa 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

Psalms is a wonderful book to read, it has brought me out of depression and lowliness as I walk in the Lord.

You are in my heart and I will lift you up in prayer to the Lord.

With the love of Christ Jesus


644 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful support. I am extremley grateful. I have made the promise to myself that I will try and find one thing to be thankful for every day and to say a small prayer of thanks for it. One day I believe god is there for me and then the next day I am questioning everything and why, but I have told myself when I question things I will pull out my bible and either read one of the wonderful verses that you all have given to me or try and find the answer. Once again thank you.

Super Moderator
17,092 Posts
jbowyer, I have also had hard times. But, compared to others, I am SO! spoiled!

In some coutries, wemen are property and when her husband is tired of her she is turned out. At least if I lose my DH I can work.

Excepting that my health has tanked. The treatments are horrendously expensive. But, I live in America and I have insurance. So, treatments are available to me, as they are not in some countries, and the co-pays for the family are only about $400 a month.

Which we can pay.

Yes, there is more. A fair amount more, actually. Not that that matters.

You see, God is my comfort and the person I lean on. God did not do ANY! of this to me. He simply comforts me when I cry.

This world has been given to us, to do with as we please. Some people act wisely but some do not. Some people are honest, some are not. God is not responsible for that, either. He gave us free will, and he asked us to follow Him. Alas, some people would rather not. God didn't do that, either.

God will SOMETIMES step in, but mostly he has given this world to us. If we wish to change this world, that is up to us. He is a comfort and some times he is a guide. Some times he takes a physical hand in things. Some times- for reasons only He knows- he does not.

Look out the window: do you see the world? It is YOURS! Given to you.

Yes, I hear your grief. The Bible says "Come to me, all ye who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest". (Matthew 11:28). I have taken advantage of this, often enough.

God did not cause your pain. He IS there to comfort you, and to hold you.

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