Why does no one say THANK YOU anymore???

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by patnewmex, Dec 17, 2006.

  1. patnewmex

    patnewmex Jane of all trades

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    My husband and I just spent the better part of our weekend getting firewood in the mountains for our next-door neighbors. Joe has bad lungs from smoking and can't walk 20 feet without being winded, and his wife is 200lbs overweight and has bad knees. They are just a bit older than us, so they're not elderly by any means.

    They said they were broke and running out of firewood. So, we told them we were going to spend the weekend getting wood. We got a load yesterday and arrived at theri door to see where they wanted it. I figured we'd get a great welcome at the door, seeing as we spent time, money, gas, chainsaw, and a ton of manual labor, and $20 for permits, that they might be a tad excited, apprecitaive, happy??? SOMETHING?

    No, we got a terse "we saw you drive up. I'll be out in a minute." Then a grumpy "Just put it on the ground. I don't care where it goes."

    Since my husband and I had told them we would get a total of 3 loads, 2 for them, one for us, they knew we'd have to go back again the next day. So, we went back, but were a bit more cautious about giving them anything. Since we made a promise to get them wood, we would go through with it. Gentleman's word and all that. We discussed between hubby and myself that we'd get only one more load as our backs and bodies were tiring and the weekend was almost gone. We'd trade the neighbors the wet load of wood for the new dry load. That way they could use the wood this year and we'd get something for our trouble.

    So, we are listening for the words "thank you" or "I appreciate your efforts" or anything along those lines. We explained the woodcutting place was almost 45 minutes from where we live, and we had to cut and carry heavy logs 50 feet minimum to get to our trailer. Then had to lift it over our heads and put it in the trailer. Lots of work. Hard on the back. Lots of time invested. We tell neighbor we want to swap the wet wood for the dry so we BOTH have some wood for all OUR work. He said "no, I'll take both loads." Then a very terse "thanks much" mumbled on his way back into his house.

    We also learned that even though they are broke, they filled their propane tanks and didn't need wood. Mind you, they are both working making aroung $45K each. My husband has been unemployed and going to school for a year and I make $37K.

    Why we ever do anything for people is beyond me! I just DO NOT GET IT!

    Thanks for letting me rant.

    Pat

    :hobbyhors
     
  2. Pony

    Pony STILL not Alice Supporter

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    Ah, Pat...

    No good deed goes unpunished, eh?

    But you did what you said you'd do, and that's the right thing, whether you get thanks or not.

    I do believe, were it me, that I'd cross these people of my social register, though... Kind of like kids, and teaching them consequences for their actions. And of course, no one can take advantage of you without your permission. You know the old saw, about the first time being shame on them, the second time shame on me...

    Pony!
     

  3. Spotted Crow

    Spotted Crow Well-Known Member

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    Stuff like that drives me nuts!!!
    A little courtesy never killed anyone! :shrug:
    I would've said thank you and invited you in for some coffee and aspirin...
     
  4. Alice In TX/MO

    Alice In TX/MO More dharma, less drama. Supporter

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    Could be they were embarrassed. Could be they didn't really want the wood and are not thankful that you brought it. Could be now they are wondering what to do with the messy pile of wood in the yard.

    Could be a lot of things.
     
  5. roadless

    roadless Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Allow me to THANK YOU for being the type of people I would be proud to call a neighbor :goodjob: I believe what goes around comes around....I'm sure something wonderful is coming your way.!
     
  6. patnewmex

    patnewmex Jane of all trades

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    Thanks for the replies. We suspect they are under some other kind of strain, as they usually are appreciative. And, yes, no good deed goes unpunished is true. But it's too bad because these types of experiences make good folk like us not want to exactly extend ourselves and we usually enjoy giving to others.

    So, I guess we'll wait a bit and then we may go over and ask if everything is okay. (What if they are feuding, or something or who knows what!)

    It just kind of takes the wind out of your sails to be met at the door like that and then to hear only mumbled thanks. If he didn't want the messy wood, I'd appreciate not knowing that too. Nothing wrong in saying "Gosh, you guys obviously went to a lot of trouble for us. But we can't use the wood..." you know, something like that..

    In any case, I've decided to let it go but to no longer extend my good will. Sigh... :shrug:

    Thanks again, Pat

    (If there is one thing my mother taught me, it is to say Thank You!)
     
  7. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

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    Thank you for being the kind of person that inspires others to emulate you. These people do not deserve neighbors like you. I would be surprised if they don't complain all over town about the mess you made in their yard. They sound like the kind of people who are never happy with anything.
     
  8. CountryLisa-IL

    CountryLisa-IL New Member

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    I find it Rude when I say Thank You and get no reply..
     
  9. patnewmex

    patnewmex Jane of all trades

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    I find it hard to not shout a very loud "YOU ARE QUITE WELCOME" when I don't get a thank you, but I didn't have it in me at the time.

    I also went into their home to warm up a bit when the men were getting the wood off the trailer so I knocked and said "Leigh Ann, I came in to get warm". She said "Yes, I can tell you are inside the house." ...? huh? How about "gosh, have a cup of coco, you must be frozen. Something...anything...felt like total dopes to tell the truth.
     
  10. Dixielee

    Dixielee Well-Known Member

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    I have a sister in law like that. It would kill her to say thank you, so I don't go out of my way anymore to try to help. Unfortunately, her kids are the same way. When musing what to get her for Christmas one year, my brother said, "get her a hammer". I said, "a hammer??", and he said, "well, she will appreciate that just as much as anything!".

    Now I just bake some bread or something. She really likes to eat, but I never expect even an acknowledgement. Poor breeding, who knows.
     
  11. QBVII

    QBVII Well-Known Member

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    Their combined income is $90,000/year and they're "broke?"

    Something's screwy somewhere.
     
  12. SherryR

    SherryR Well-Known Member

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    Hey- they feel like idiots. They ARE idiots. Dont help anyone who doesn't want it. They sound like they got alot of other stuff going on (in their heads anyway). You did good, let it go. Dont bother with them again. Dont regret or resent what you did. The energy you spent doing that good deed will come back on you when you need it.
    warmly,
    Sherry
     
  13. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Was thinking the same thing.
     
  14. caroline00

    caroline00 Well-Known Member

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    it seems like if they didnt want it they wouldnt have asked for both loads, would they have?

    I also feel like *Your welcome* is better than *no problem*
     
  15. roughingit

    roughingit knitwit

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    If "no one" says thank you anymore than I guess myself nd two-thirds of the board here at least are nobody :p
     
  16. Beltane

    Beltane Enjoying Four Seasons

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    yes - I would be a bit taken back without a 'thank you' as well. I'm sorry that happened....but I agree with everyone else. What goes around comes around and something great is on its way to you. :)
     
  17. culpeper

    culpeper Well-Known Member

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    Two tiny little words, so little effort to say them, but they can mean so much, can't they?

    I do volunteer work for a local police charity, and the boss never fails to say 'Thank you' to me. It's better than any other reward I get. It makes me feel valued and appreciated.

    It's nice when someone on the forum says 'Thank You' for some advice, or some recipes or whatever, whether to me or to others. I always feel that such people are nice people.

    I think in your situation, I'd have made a 'joke' about all the trouble you went to and said (laughing) 'I sure hope you appreciate it!'. Whether you'd have got your thanks or not, it would have put your message across, wouldn't it?

    You're entitled to feel peeved, and used. You'll know what to do next time they ask for help, won't you?
     
  18. anniew

    anniew keep it simple and honest Supporter

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    A thank you is always nice, BUT
    Were you interested in giving, or getting a thank you? I don't think the first is usually done for the purpose of the second. It's nice when it comes, but if that is the "price" for your giving, then you aren't really into giving, but into getting recognition for giving.
    There may have been more than the obvious going on at the time, and they may be truly thankful, but just couldn't express it at that point.
     
  19. KimM

    KimM Student of goatology.

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    My mother would say, "You shouldn't 'expect' a thank you if it comes from your heart." but I'm sorry, I don't completely agree with her. Everyone likes to feel appreciated for their efforts, especially when you go above and beyond as you and your hubby did. Gosh when someone does any little thing for me, I nearly cry, the thought that I'm worth just a little time or trouble means that much to me. I don't understand people like that but don't let it eat you up, I appreciate the kind of people you are ((((HUGS)))) and like roadless said, thank you, from me too!
     
  20. Karin L

    Karin L Bovine and Range Nerd

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    Maybe they were thos type of people that were too scared to say thank you. I mean, the couple were probably the type that are self-sufficient and don't ask for help all that often, and when they do, they're kinda embarrassed and a little afraid that they might make things worse for themselves than what happened before-hand by saying a thank-you. And they're probably the type that don't get help too often because of their state of mind and all.

    But still, it doesn't make sense, he said thanks, even though it came out as a mumble, and not a salute, so I think you should be at least a LITTLE happy that he said something.

    Just my thoughts.