Joined
·
2,111 Posts
Hi everyone! I know it's been forever since I've been around. Been super busy as always~ but mostly I didn't have anything new to contribute. Well~ I've had another Farm Lesson and since it's about a steer I thought I'd share it with y'all too~ it's long so move on if you get bored easily!
Whereâs the beef
So~ itâs fall and everyone has been waiting to hear the misadventures we seem to always find ourselves in while taking the beef to the butcher. This year I was SURE there would be no story to tell. I planned ahead~ after the âEmu Incidentâ last Spring we all agreed âGet him!â is a poor plan. So in preparation for the annual hauling of the beef to the butcher I planned ahead~ and I *thought* we were ready for this. The first two steers went in on Tuesday~ it was a thing of beauty~ well choreographed and superbly performed... I set up the trailer~ we swept the steers into it, the sight barrier to discourage early exit from the trailer worked as planned, the steers got to the butcher and were unloaded with a minimum of stress to us or the steers. Woot! We got this!
So~ Friday morningâ¦.
I got the trailer arranged~ we swept the steer into itâ¦it was all going according to plan~ like a well oiled machineâ¦.right before the machine slings a rod. Or more precisely right before the steer jumps out of the trailer!!!
We were serenely driving down the mountain laughing and joking about how upsetting it was a year ago when a steer jumped out of our trailer AT the butcher~ then Carol begins sputtering something like âHeâs out! Heâs OUT!! OH MY GOD HEâS OUT!!â Iâm laughing~ clueless and amused when suddenly it occurs to meâ¦
âCome again? Heâs out? Of the trailer? Like Now?â We are going 35 mph down a mountain! WHY would he jump out NOW. The sight barrier is in place. He canât see~ even if he WANTED to jump he would wait until we stopped, the moving trailer should make it impossible to hold his footing, much less flat foot leap out of a moving vehicleâ¦.driving down a MOUNTAIN!! âExcuse meâ¦come again? He is out of the TRAILER?!?â
Apparently Carol had been looking in the side view mirror just in time to see the front leg of the steer hanging out of the back of the trailer (and if he had a middle finger he would have been flipping her off~ she got the message loud and clear just the same) and the steer JUMPED OUT OF THE TRAILER!
Itâs a good thing she saw it too~ cuz I missed it. I would have driven the rest of the way to the butcher clueless~ opened the back of the trailer and been like âWhereâs the Beef?â
So Carol is in the passenger seat having a little meltdown chanting âHeâs out! Heâs out! Heâs out!â, Iâm in the drivers seat clueless and the SUV behind us will NEVER TAILGATE ANYONE EVER AGAIN! Carol finally manages to convince me that the steer is in fact out~ I can now see him in the rearview mirror stumbling to his feet. âOH! Heâs OUT!â
So we turn around and attempt to recapture him. Not surprisingly he wants NOTHING to do with us. No he does not want a horse cookie~ No you may not touch the steer~ and most definitely NO he will not get back in that trailer! Finally, we chase him into THE WORLDS WORST BRIAR PATCH.
I donât care what kind of briar patch youâve been into~ you donât understand~ just trust me~ THE WORLDS WORST MOST TANGLED BRIAR PATCH.
NOW itâs time to panic. I called Scott told him to bring a gun~ lots of guns~ all our guns!
I called my butcher and asked if the steer had to be alive when I brought him in ~stupid federal regulationsâ¦.yes~ they must see the steer WALK in. I tried telling them he was a BIG BLACK DEER>>>A BEEFY DEER!! But they wouldnât fall for it~ the steer has to WALK IN. Carol suggested we shoot the steer~ then go get my new tractor~ we could rig him up on the boom and she would work his front legs while Scott worked his back legsâ¦he could âWalk Inâ that wayâ¦seemed reasonable to me but my butcher didnât really seem to think so.
I called the my vet and told him I need him to come with either a tranquilizer or a really big bullet (and a gun that could shoot a really big bullet) my vet explained if he tranquilized the steer we wouldnât be able to butcher for at least a couple weeks to months (make the meat taste bitter). The truth is~ the steer had jumped out of a moving trailer ~ he was hurt-pretty bad~ I wasnât sure he would survive to work the tranquilizer out, and I did feel bad about the fact that he was hurt.
I finally called my hay guy âJason.â I was expecting a hay delivery Friday afternoon and I was pretty sure we were gonna have to shoot the steer and take him home to dress out ourselves so I wouldnât be able to unload the hay. Jason is a super nice guy~ says âwell where are you? Iâll come help!â I mean really~ what a nice guy! If heâd know what he was in for he might not have volunteered so easily.
So finally~ there we are~ Me, Carol, Scott and Jason. The steer is about 10 feet in a briar patch so thick if you donât know where he is you canât see him. The only thing we are sure of is we donât want to drive him further into the briars. I keep asking âwhatâs the plan?â but no one has one. I really wanted a planâ¦no plan lands Cheryl in the ER announcing âIâve done something stupid and I need antibiotics.â But the only plan we had was donât let him get further into the briars. Of course~ we had not been in the briars so we didnât know â¦now Iâm not sure he COULD get further in. They were THAT thick! So Scott wades into the briars to one side of him and Carol wades into the other side. I dive in at an angle~ and literally itâs like diving. I push forward trying to bull my way through until too many ropes are hung up on me~ at which time I have to throw myself forward into a horizontal position so I can crawl OVER the mass that currently has stretched into an impenetrable wall ~ then I can scramble up and take a couple more steps before repeating the throw myself forward technique. Iâve got a broom (I donât know why) But it IS helping. I use it to stuff in front of the steer trying to drive him back OUT of the briars so Jason can throw a rope on him (and then what? No one knows~ we donât have a plan). I donât really know what everyone else is doing at this point but I suspect it was pretty much the briar diving experience for us all. Finally weâve chased the steer enough that he is also caught in ropes of briars~ Iâm reasonably close to him when Jason yells âGet Him!â
Get Him? Really? Soâ¦Naturally thatâs what I do. I JUMPED ON THE STEERâS HEAD~Iâm no light weight any longer~ the steer went down. Iâve got him around the throat and Iâve thrown my entire body down on him~ âIâVE GOT HIM!! IâVE GOT HIM!!! OH CRAP NOW WHAT!!!â I felt a body behind me slam into the steer and shout âHold on!â
So~ the steer is down~ about 15 feet into the worst briar patch in the world. Iâm clinging to his head~ Iâm wrapped so tightly in ropes of briar that I canât turn my head more than 2 inches to either side. I couldnât get up if I wanted to~ there are too many brambles and ropes of briar holding me down. I know Jason is behind me on the steers chest~ I think he is also stuck. But on the bright side if neither Jason or I could get upâ¦.the steer wasnât gonna get any deeper into the briars.
Scott passed me a ropeâ¦which I could not get over the steers head~ the angles were impossible and the ropes of briar too strong to twist out of. I finally passed the rope UNDER his neck ⦠So now we had the steer roped! âNow what?â
Scott tried to send Carol to our house for a machete. We donât own a machete. We might have onceâ¦but I know we donât now. I think one of the boys has it. I said so but only Jason could hear me. Carol said she didnât know where it was. I said âcuz we donât own one.â Scott tried to tell her where~ I helpfully volunteered âthere is not a machete thereâ but again no one but Jason heard me. Scott decided to go after the machete and I tried shouting âGet some clippers we donât own a machete!ââ¦but you get the idea.
So Jason and I laid on the steer. The steer was bleeding from his mouth and his eye wheeled around to look at me some but mostly he just laid there. I felt bad for him~ but I couldnât get off him and I was convinced if I could get off him he would stomp me into a greasy spot in the briar patch.
Ever helpful Carol twisted the briars apart working on a path while we waited on Scott and some weapon worthy of cutting into the worlds worst briar patch (as we donât own a machete). Suddenly she pops up with âJason gonna have to tell his wife that he spent all day laying around in the bushes with a red head!â Ok~ that was funny! But really? I donât hurt enough at this point your gonna get Jasons wife to hunt me down! LOL!
At one point I looked at my left hand and observed out loud that there was a spider on my hand. I was a little freaked out that I couldnât reach the spider with my right hand to brush it away~ but then Jason chimed in with âItâs good that you canât see the rest of themâ and I stopped worrying about the ONE spider I could SEE.
Finally Scott gets back with a saw and some clippers! He says âguess what?â and I popped off with âwe donât own a macheteâ at the same moment Scott said âI donât think we have a machete any moreâ It was a funny moment~ trust me!
So Scott and Carol cut a path to us~ then cut the ropes holding us down. It was so tight Carol actually clipped the steers ear a bit trying to get the briars holding me down on him. So now we can move and we are ready for action! Jason tells me to back up slowly (reallyâ¦every muscle I have is in spasmâ¦I could hardly move at all much less quickly!) Then Jason flings himself off the steer! We are expecting him to jump up in a snarling flame spewing fury and stomp us into oblivion!
The steer laid there and rolled his eye.
Did he die? Nope~ heâs still breathing. Wellâ¦poke him. Well Poke him harder!
Finally the steer gets up and all four of us try to PULL that rope I noosed around his neck to get him in the trailer. Nope~ nothing doing. He doesnât take ONE SINGLE STEP, not even ONE STEP! He holds his ground in the briarsâ¦.then falls out!
Did he die now? Nope~ heâs still breathing and rolling his eye at us.
Ok~ so now people are starting to notice us on the side of the road~ landscaping and choking out a cowâ¦and a couple more people Jason knows stop to help out. We tie a rope to his back feet to drag him out with Jasons truckâ¦but of course the rope breaks.
Naturally~ didnât we all see that coming? I swear I couldnât make this stuff up~ it really happens!
So now the steer is in the path we cut into the worlds worst briar patch folded in half with his back legs tied together. âDid he die now? Nope~ still breathing and rolling that eye at us.
Jasons very nice friend goes and gets some chains! Now were cooking with peanut oil! They rig the chains up to the steer and drag him out of the worlds worst briar patch by his back legs~ over stubs and stabs~ heâs looking pretty bad by the time they got him up to the side of the road.
Did he die now? Wellâ¦.maybeâ¦.I donât see him breathingâ¦but wait! He rolls his eye up and looks at meâ¦Heâs alive! A couple more young men stop to help now. Weâve finally got the steer right behind my trailer~ heâs down but in position. Poke himâ¦nope. Poke him harderâ¦nope. Grab his head and pick it up~ grab fist fulls of the cow and pull up. Scott and Jason tried to pick him up ~and got remarkably far considering that steer had to weigh about 700lbs! I hit him with my broom! Nothing.
Weâve gotten so far~ but if we canât get him in that trailer we canât get him to WALK into the butcher. Finally the youngest man starts bouncing his knees off the steers back and Iâm thinking âthatâs not gonna workâ but he explained that it stimulates the spine somehowâ¦.I donât knowâ¦what I do know is the steer GOT UP!! And refused to get in that trailer! Now there are 8 or 9 of us~ we have a rope tied halter style to his head (whoever did that it was nifty you gotta teach me how you did that!) the young man who bounced on his back grabbed his tail and twisted then he got IN THE TRAILER!!!!
So Scott tied him in the trailer (no more acrobatics for you!) and we drove like a bat out of hell for the butcher! Carol called and told them we were coming in fast (they told me if I hadnât painted the cow jumping over the moon on the trailer that he wouldnât have got the idea)~we flew into the loading bayâ¦.and wouldnât you know itâ¦now he wouldnât get OUT of the trailer! We spent ALL DAY getting him IN the trailer and now heâs just peachy keen in there and doesnât want to come OUT!! Beg, whine, pray, push, pullâ¦we eventually got him out of the trailer. They sent him through in a hurry, so his big adventure could end quickly.
I am covered with scratches and punctures~ and something other than me was alive in my pants. Thank God it was just a couple ants (ants in my pantsâ¦Ha Ha!) Something in my hair BIT ME! I made Carol remove it and she claims it was just another briar~ but Iâm still worried about those spiders. I look like Iâve done battle with a couple dozen psychotic cats on speed and Iâm not sure how many more live things have taken residence up in my clothing~ but the annual hauling of the beef to the butcher is over for 2014!
For those waiting for it~
This weeks Farm lesson isâ¦.
Having a plan is good~ but itâs more important to know âwhereâs the beefâ?
Whereâs the beef
So~ itâs fall and everyone has been waiting to hear the misadventures we seem to always find ourselves in while taking the beef to the butcher. This year I was SURE there would be no story to tell. I planned ahead~ after the âEmu Incidentâ last Spring we all agreed âGet him!â is a poor plan. So in preparation for the annual hauling of the beef to the butcher I planned ahead~ and I *thought* we were ready for this. The first two steers went in on Tuesday~ it was a thing of beauty~ well choreographed and superbly performed... I set up the trailer~ we swept the steers into it, the sight barrier to discourage early exit from the trailer worked as planned, the steers got to the butcher and were unloaded with a minimum of stress to us or the steers. Woot! We got this!
So~ Friday morningâ¦.
I got the trailer arranged~ we swept the steer into itâ¦it was all going according to plan~ like a well oiled machineâ¦.right before the machine slings a rod. Or more precisely right before the steer jumps out of the trailer!!!
We were serenely driving down the mountain laughing and joking about how upsetting it was a year ago when a steer jumped out of our trailer AT the butcher~ then Carol begins sputtering something like âHeâs out! Heâs OUT!! OH MY GOD HEâS OUT!!â Iâm laughing~ clueless and amused when suddenly it occurs to meâ¦
âCome again? Heâs out? Of the trailer? Like Now?â We are going 35 mph down a mountain! WHY would he jump out NOW. The sight barrier is in place. He canât see~ even if he WANTED to jump he would wait until we stopped, the moving trailer should make it impossible to hold his footing, much less flat foot leap out of a moving vehicleâ¦.driving down a MOUNTAIN!! âExcuse meâ¦come again? He is out of the TRAILER?!?â
Apparently Carol had been looking in the side view mirror just in time to see the front leg of the steer hanging out of the back of the trailer (and if he had a middle finger he would have been flipping her off~ she got the message loud and clear just the same) and the steer JUMPED OUT OF THE TRAILER!
Itâs a good thing she saw it too~ cuz I missed it. I would have driven the rest of the way to the butcher clueless~ opened the back of the trailer and been like âWhereâs the Beef?â
So Carol is in the passenger seat having a little meltdown chanting âHeâs out! Heâs out! Heâs out!â, Iâm in the drivers seat clueless and the SUV behind us will NEVER TAILGATE ANYONE EVER AGAIN! Carol finally manages to convince me that the steer is in fact out~ I can now see him in the rearview mirror stumbling to his feet. âOH! Heâs OUT!â
So we turn around and attempt to recapture him. Not surprisingly he wants NOTHING to do with us. No he does not want a horse cookie~ No you may not touch the steer~ and most definitely NO he will not get back in that trailer! Finally, we chase him into THE WORLDS WORST BRIAR PATCH.
I donât care what kind of briar patch youâve been into~ you donât understand~ just trust me~ THE WORLDS WORST MOST TANGLED BRIAR PATCH.
NOW itâs time to panic. I called Scott told him to bring a gun~ lots of guns~ all our guns!
I called my butcher and asked if the steer had to be alive when I brought him in ~stupid federal regulationsâ¦.yes~ they must see the steer WALK in. I tried telling them he was a BIG BLACK DEER>>>A BEEFY DEER!! But they wouldnât fall for it~ the steer has to WALK IN. Carol suggested we shoot the steer~ then go get my new tractor~ we could rig him up on the boom and she would work his front legs while Scott worked his back legsâ¦he could âWalk Inâ that wayâ¦seemed reasonable to me but my butcher didnât really seem to think so.
I called the my vet and told him I need him to come with either a tranquilizer or a really big bullet (and a gun that could shoot a really big bullet) my vet explained if he tranquilized the steer we wouldnât be able to butcher for at least a couple weeks to months (make the meat taste bitter). The truth is~ the steer had jumped out of a moving trailer ~ he was hurt-pretty bad~ I wasnât sure he would survive to work the tranquilizer out, and I did feel bad about the fact that he was hurt.
I finally called my hay guy âJason.â I was expecting a hay delivery Friday afternoon and I was pretty sure we were gonna have to shoot the steer and take him home to dress out ourselves so I wouldnât be able to unload the hay. Jason is a super nice guy~ says âwell where are you? Iâll come help!â I mean really~ what a nice guy! If heâd know what he was in for he might not have volunteered so easily.
So finally~ there we are~ Me, Carol, Scott and Jason. The steer is about 10 feet in a briar patch so thick if you donât know where he is you canât see him. The only thing we are sure of is we donât want to drive him further into the briars. I keep asking âwhatâs the plan?â but no one has one. I really wanted a planâ¦no plan lands Cheryl in the ER announcing âIâve done something stupid and I need antibiotics.â But the only plan we had was donât let him get further into the briars. Of course~ we had not been in the briars so we didnât know â¦now Iâm not sure he COULD get further in. They were THAT thick! So Scott wades into the briars to one side of him and Carol wades into the other side. I dive in at an angle~ and literally itâs like diving. I push forward trying to bull my way through until too many ropes are hung up on me~ at which time I have to throw myself forward into a horizontal position so I can crawl OVER the mass that currently has stretched into an impenetrable wall ~ then I can scramble up and take a couple more steps before repeating the throw myself forward technique. Iâve got a broom (I donât know why) But it IS helping. I use it to stuff in front of the steer trying to drive him back OUT of the briars so Jason can throw a rope on him (and then what? No one knows~ we donât have a plan). I donât really know what everyone else is doing at this point but I suspect it was pretty much the briar diving experience for us all. Finally weâve chased the steer enough that he is also caught in ropes of briars~ Iâm reasonably close to him when Jason yells âGet Him!â
Get Him? Really? Soâ¦Naturally thatâs what I do. I JUMPED ON THE STEERâS HEAD~Iâm no light weight any longer~ the steer went down. Iâve got him around the throat and Iâve thrown my entire body down on him~ âIâVE GOT HIM!! IâVE GOT HIM!!! OH CRAP NOW WHAT!!!â I felt a body behind me slam into the steer and shout âHold on!â
So~ the steer is down~ about 15 feet into the worst briar patch in the world. Iâm clinging to his head~ Iâm wrapped so tightly in ropes of briar that I canât turn my head more than 2 inches to either side. I couldnât get up if I wanted to~ there are too many brambles and ropes of briar holding me down. I know Jason is behind me on the steers chest~ I think he is also stuck. But on the bright side if neither Jason or I could get upâ¦.the steer wasnât gonna get any deeper into the briars.
Scott passed me a ropeâ¦which I could not get over the steers head~ the angles were impossible and the ropes of briar too strong to twist out of. I finally passed the rope UNDER his neck ⦠So now we had the steer roped! âNow what?â
Scott tried to send Carol to our house for a machete. We donât own a machete. We might have onceâ¦but I know we donât now. I think one of the boys has it. I said so but only Jason could hear me. Carol said she didnât know where it was. I said âcuz we donât own one.â Scott tried to tell her where~ I helpfully volunteered âthere is not a machete thereâ but again no one but Jason heard me. Scott decided to go after the machete and I tried shouting âGet some clippers we donât own a machete!ââ¦but you get the idea.
So Jason and I laid on the steer. The steer was bleeding from his mouth and his eye wheeled around to look at me some but mostly he just laid there. I felt bad for him~ but I couldnât get off him and I was convinced if I could get off him he would stomp me into a greasy spot in the briar patch.
Ever helpful Carol twisted the briars apart working on a path while we waited on Scott and some weapon worthy of cutting into the worlds worst briar patch (as we donât own a machete). Suddenly she pops up with âJason gonna have to tell his wife that he spent all day laying around in the bushes with a red head!â Ok~ that was funny! But really? I donât hurt enough at this point your gonna get Jasons wife to hunt me down! LOL!
At one point I looked at my left hand and observed out loud that there was a spider on my hand. I was a little freaked out that I couldnât reach the spider with my right hand to brush it away~ but then Jason chimed in with âItâs good that you canât see the rest of themâ and I stopped worrying about the ONE spider I could SEE.
Finally Scott gets back with a saw and some clippers! He says âguess what?â and I popped off with âwe donât own a macheteâ at the same moment Scott said âI donât think we have a machete any moreâ It was a funny moment~ trust me!
So Scott and Carol cut a path to us~ then cut the ropes holding us down. It was so tight Carol actually clipped the steers ear a bit trying to get the briars holding me down on him. So now we can move and we are ready for action! Jason tells me to back up slowly (reallyâ¦every muscle I have is in spasmâ¦I could hardly move at all much less quickly!) Then Jason flings himself off the steer! We are expecting him to jump up in a snarling flame spewing fury and stomp us into oblivion!
The steer laid there and rolled his eye.
Did he die? Nope~ heâs still breathing. Wellâ¦poke him. Well Poke him harder!
Finally the steer gets up and all four of us try to PULL that rope I noosed around his neck to get him in the trailer. Nope~ nothing doing. He doesnât take ONE SINGLE STEP, not even ONE STEP! He holds his ground in the briarsâ¦.then falls out!
Did he die now? Nope~ heâs still breathing and rolling his eye at us.
Ok~ so now people are starting to notice us on the side of the road~ landscaping and choking out a cowâ¦and a couple more people Jason knows stop to help out. We tie a rope to his back feet to drag him out with Jasons truckâ¦but of course the rope breaks.
Naturally~ didnât we all see that coming? I swear I couldnât make this stuff up~ it really happens!
So now the steer is in the path we cut into the worlds worst briar patch folded in half with his back legs tied together. âDid he die now? Nope~ still breathing and rolling that eye at us.
Jasons very nice friend goes and gets some chains! Now were cooking with peanut oil! They rig the chains up to the steer and drag him out of the worlds worst briar patch by his back legs~ over stubs and stabs~ heâs looking pretty bad by the time they got him up to the side of the road.
Did he die now? Wellâ¦.maybeâ¦.I donât see him breathingâ¦but wait! He rolls his eye up and looks at meâ¦Heâs alive! A couple more young men stop to help now. Weâve finally got the steer right behind my trailer~ heâs down but in position. Poke himâ¦nope. Poke him harderâ¦nope. Grab his head and pick it up~ grab fist fulls of the cow and pull up. Scott and Jason tried to pick him up ~and got remarkably far considering that steer had to weigh about 700lbs! I hit him with my broom! Nothing.
Weâve gotten so far~ but if we canât get him in that trailer we canât get him to WALK into the butcher. Finally the youngest man starts bouncing his knees off the steers back and Iâm thinking âthatâs not gonna workâ but he explained that it stimulates the spine somehowâ¦.I donât knowâ¦what I do know is the steer GOT UP!! And refused to get in that trailer! Now there are 8 or 9 of us~ we have a rope tied halter style to his head (whoever did that it was nifty you gotta teach me how you did that!) the young man who bounced on his back grabbed his tail and twisted then he got IN THE TRAILER!!!!
So Scott tied him in the trailer (no more acrobatics for you!) and we drove like a bat out of hell for the butcher! Carol called and told them we were coming in fast (they told me if I hadnât painted the cow jumping over the moon on the trailer that he wouldnât have got the idea)~we flew into the loading bayâ¦.and wouldnât you know itâ¦now he wouldnât get OUT of the trailer! We spent ALL DAY getting him IN the trailer and now heâs just peachy keen in there and doesnât want to come OUT!! Beg, whine, pray, push, pullâ¦we eventually got him out of the trailer. They sent him through in a hurry, so his big adventure could end quickly.
I am covered with scratches and punctures~ and something other than me was alive in my pants. Thank God it was just a couple ants (ants in my pantsâ¦Ha Ha!) Something in my hair BIT ME! I made Carol remove it and she claims it was just another briar~ but Iâm still worried about those spiders. I look like Iâve done battle with a couple dozen psychotic cats on speed and Iâm not sure how many more live things have taken residence up in my clothing~ but the annual hauling of the beef to the butcher is over for 2014!
For those waiting for it~
This weeks Farm lesson isâ¦.
Having a plan is good~ but itâs more important to know âwhereâs the beefâ?
