[moonwolf]

Something that has always intrigued me about human
nature is the sense of neediness that some people impose
on us. Also, the. 'In your face' attitude we get confronted
with. Though that may be a separate topic.
Personally, I'm the type of person could do without
either trait. I find also , and this comes mostly from those I
work around, that those are 'needy ' or 'clingy ' don't believe
that they are.
What's your feeling on this?

 

[copperkid3]

I totally surprised by this information......

I was under the impression that there weren't any more 'needy'
and demanding sorts in Canada anymore......

What with our open borders and the 'regressives' in charge
who's mantra is: "if they come, we'll give it to them free".....
figured that most would be newly made citizens
(and democratic voters)
of the good ole USA.

Ehh?

 

[moonwolf]

Nothing much to do about Canada. I meant this more
in a personal sense without regard to nationality.

 

[Raeven]

You always start interesting topics, moon wolf.

One of the common traits I’ve noticed among needy people is that they are master manipulators. In general, they are good at making people feel bad for not “being there” for them. And no, they seldom see themselves as needy – even the neediest among them!

I don’t have to share their perspective, however. I draw the line when I start to feel that my main purpose in that person’s life is to fulfill a need or needs I don’t wish to fulfill, and/or there is no reciprocity in the relationship.

I have no problem with people not liking me, so that helps a lot. I also have no problem saying the word, “no.” I offer what help I can within reason, but I am also direct with someone if I feel they are imposing their neediness on me. I don’t like hurting someone’s feelings, but I won’t shy away from telling someone the truth even at the risk of doing that, such as, “I can tell you’re feeling frustrated with your situation, but I’m not sure you’re doing everything you can to handle this on your own. Have you thought of… (doing fill-in-the-blank advice)?"

You’ve got to set your own boundaries with such folks and I think you can mostly do it without being a jerk. If you don’t, it’s like pouring water into a cup with no bottom. There’s no filling it up, no matter how hard you try or how much you give.

 

[WhyNot]

Needy, whiny people don't last long in my world. I don't have the temperament. I'm full of tough love. They find a different victim to suck the energy out of relatively soon.

 

[bostonlesley]

Sometimes we are all "needy".. I welcome being there for friends who have temporary neediness .. They have my back and I theirs.. Chronic whining helplessness OTOH gets tiring very quickly..

 

[Ardie/WI]

Needy, whiny people don't last long in my world. I don't have the temperament. I'm full of tough love. They find a different victim to suck the energy out of relatively soon.

^^^that's me! They get my classic line:

"If you don't like your life, change it. If you don't want to change it, shut up about it!"

 

[Raeven]

 

[rkintn]

Sometimes we are all "needy".. I welcome being there for friends who have temporary neediness .. They have my back and I theirs.. Chronic whining helplessness OTOH gets tiring very quickly..

I agree! We are all needy at one time or another and how can you expect compassion and empathy from others in your time of need when you can't be bothered to help others? As BL said, chronic whining and helplessness is a completely different story.

 

[frogmammy]

But, at which point does it become chronic?

Mon

 

[Raeven]

I agree! We are all needy at one time or another and how can you expect compassion and empathy from others in your time of need when you can't be bothered to help others? As BL said, chronic whining and helplessness is a completely different story.

I almost clarified this at the beginning of my first post, but I decided it went without saying that it's the chronic variety that we're talking about here.

There is a huge distinction between someone in need and someone who is needy, and they merit entirely different treatment.

As for how to tell the difference, friends reciprocate friendship in an easily recognizable way. Needy people suck the life out of you.

 

[dizzy]

But, at which point does it become chronic?

Mon

When they refuse to help themselves.

 

[moonwolf]

Raeven,
You have the closest perspective about this to what I also
perceive.
I don't care that people like me , or not. I'm not in this life
to win personality contests.
Needy people that I know around me have an agenda. They
generally went to take advantage of a situation at the cost of
someone else.
I don't believe I've had a needy disposition, at least not since
my 'needy ' childhood. If I feel a need for something from
someone, I feel a need for paying them back in some form.
I say this from experience helping someone I work with, even
giving them stuff and get nothing in return. I dont expect it,
but I can tell who is someone that 'takes' all the time.
I believe in mutuality and not 'one sidedness'.

I surprised my manager at work that I'm close to. His boss
I found through my workplace spy network that when he came
new to the area that his impression was the managers were
needy and not so much self reliant. I agree, because I see it
now. Those who are needy always want more and more by
taking a piece out of someone for their own selfish benefit.

As for the clingy types..... I just want them to get away from me.
Unless I might have reason to save them from some peril.
If they were not thankful after that , I consider them needy.
After a while I tend to ignore needy people, usually from
sheer boredom of their tactics.

 

[bostonlesley]

But, at which point does it become chronic?

Mon

For me, that would be someone complaining about something incessantly and taking no actions to change the situation

 

[Paumon]

Something that has always intrigued me about human
nature is the sense of neediness that some people impose
on us. Also, the. 'In your face' attitude we get confronted
with. Though that may be a separate topic.
Personally, I'm the type of person could do without
either trait. I find also , and this comes mostly from those I
work around, that those are 'needy ' or 'clingy ' don't believe
that they are.
What's your feeling on this?

Most of the needy people I've encountered have been chronic complainers and drama queens who rarely have anything good to say about anything else. They have all been manipulators. As Raeven said, they'll suck the life out of you.

Online they're not too hard to spot and are easier to ignore. In person I've found it sometimes takes longer to recognize what they are because they usually start off being friendly to get acquainted and they seem like they're okay. Then after you've become acquainted the negativity and chronic complaining creeps in to every conversation and you realize you're dealing with a manipulator who isn't really interested in you or what you have to say.

I think the "in your face" attitude most often is an essential part of the needy person's modus operandi. They have to get in your face otherwise they would never get any of the attention that they want to monopolize for themselves.

I agree with you that they don't believe they're being clingy and needy, I don't think they recognize that in themselves. I do think that they recognize that they're manipulators but they don't recognize why it is that they have had to become manipulators. I think they're lonely people who have created a vicious circle of lonliness for themselves by being negative and not recognizing that the negativity and complaining is what chases other people away.

I do feel sorry for them in their lonliness but there's not much I can do or want to do about it. I can be friendly and chatty with them for very short periods, such as if I meet them in passing on the sidewalk or at the grocery store, chat for a few minutes then excuse myself. But I can never find it within me to want to get to know them better and be a friend.

 

[CajunSunshine]

Needy, whiny people don't last long in my world. I don't have the temperament. I'm full of tough love. They find a different victim to suck the energy out of relatively soon.

^^^ This.

To the best of my ability I will gladly help someone who is in need because of unfortunate circumstances beyond their control. On the other hand, there are those who are chronically needy, often because of habitual poor planning or outright laziness.

Einstein once said that the most valuable word anyone has ever said to him was “no”. He said this gave him the motivation to do things better for himself, and to be the self-starter he was famous for. I am not bashful about telling unmotivated / lazy people “no”. If it is deserved, I'll offer self-help suggestions. This also saves me the headache of having repeat the “no” word time after time...

The habitual poor planners get a free ticket only a time or two. After that they soon learn that a lack of prior planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part.




.

 

[WhyNot]

But, at which point does it become chronic?

Mon

Here is a good gauge Mon, taken from my life:

People who need help that you help say things like, "Thank you so much for helping me. It was the lift I needed and now things are getting better."

Needy-clingy people, without taking any aforementioned advice,"Now I need you to do this or that and this other thing is falling apart."

These people need therapists, not a kind hand to help them through one rough time. THEY CREATE their rough times and a lot of the time they don't KNOW what a real rough time is.

At my current job there was one woman who was needy. I helped her and realized shortly after I could not help her, she wasn't using my advice. Everything was a problem. The day I came back from a day off during the week and she was actually seriously upset with me. "Where were you yesterday? I needed you, I had this happen with a customer and then this other thing happened and how could you take a day off like that?"

Seriously? She was let go soon after.

I'm not a person's emotional tampon. Making their anxiety or inability to cope my problem doesn't work for me.

Like Rae, I also thought that it went without saying that of course we would help friends, loved ones and actual people who need help. These are not the definition of needy clingy people that suck out your spirit. I help everyone though, sometimes that help comes in the form of not helping because that is what they really need....people to STOP bailing them out.

 

[Ardie/WI]

But, at which point does it become chronic?

Mon

That's when you and everyone surrounding the needy whiner hear the same "Woe Is Me" theme changes over and over and over.

 

[newfieannie]

I put up with that some for sure from my friend! everyone else had dropped her but we were related through marriage. she had more distructive relationships then you could shake a stick at and I had to listen to it all. I had started saying no when she came down with cancer. what can a person do at a time like that. for me it was everything I could do for those last 9 months. I'm glad I did because the others all kept away even then. ~Georgia

 

[homefire2007]

Boy have I done more than I should have with friends in that department. My family and peace of mind comes first, if I can help in a healthy way I will.