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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
These last two months have been hard on us, I lost a wonderful MIL, and FIL a month later, and well it's been so hard, I find myself driving hear a song that reminds me of something and start crying.
Last night my DD7 was crying when she was taking a shower I said whats wrong? She says i'm thinking of Grandma and Grandpa and all the fun things we did together.. I hate she has to go through this.
My DD17 keeps alot inside, but last night she came up to me and said it was a really hard day and she kept thinking of Gma and Gpa, and she actually sat on my lap and cried.. It's so hard, we tell both of them that were here for them if they ever need to talk. We're going to miss them sooo much!!
But i'm wondering if there are any good books out there to read.
 

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"On Death and Dying" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross - dreary title, uplifting and easy-to-read text. I have found it infinitely helpful in all sorts of 'grief and loss' situations - death, job loss, relationship break-up, bad news, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks everyone I appreciate your ideas.
Rose I mentioned your idea to DH and he thinks it's a good idea he said we can take some old photos out and do that :)
 

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The Grace In Dying by Kathleen Dowling Singh

Kathleen Dowling Singh, Ph.D., has experience in both transpersonal psychology and many spiritual traditions. She works with dying people in a large hospice in Florida and regularly addresses audiences on death, dying, and the hospice movement.
 

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C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed

Has one of my favorite quotes about grief.

"no one ever told me about the laziness of grief. Except at my job - where the machine seems to run on writing but even reading a letter is too much. Even shaving. What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth? They say an unhappy man wants distractions - something to take him out of himself. Only as a dog-tired man wants an extra blanket on a cold night; he'd rather lie there shivering than get up and find one. It's easy to see why the lonely become untidy; finally, dirty and disgusting."
 

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"Praying Our Good-byes," by Joyce Rupp.

I don't know her "story," but I got the feeling that she had certainly experienced her share of grief.

A couple of thoughts from the books:

Life is a continuous series of "hello's" and "good-by's." People are always coming and going in our lives. Most of the time the "visits" are short and superficial. The ones that hurt the most are the ones that mean the most to us.

"I stopped asking, 'Why did this happen?' Now I ask, 'Who will walk with me through this?'"

My father was a chaplain for many years.......he said, "Grief is the price we pay for loving."
 

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I second what Rose said...

In your particular situation, Becca, I think the most important thing is to share memories, talk about your loved ones with the girls often. Maybe spend some time making a memory book with pictures, stories and the like for them to look at? Along the way while you make such a thing or even just look at pictures, you'll remember all sorts of things you might not have thought of yet...while sad, it's wonderful to talk about those memories--they even bring smiles.

In the case of adults in grief, I second 'A Grief Observed' and add 'Motherless Daughters' to the list.

Hugs to you and yours.

~~
 

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The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is a great book for younger children such as your 7 yo, but probably a bit too basic for your 17 yo. I can't remember who the author is. Very sorry for your losses.

Debbie
 

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I don't know about the book question, but I can tell you what helped me tremendously. When my father died and the funeral was over, my DH went back to work and I was here all alone. I took a walk thru the woods, grieving in my own way and the idea hit me to create a memorial garden in his honor.

I spent the next couple of months planning how I'd make the garden, what I would plant, etc. This gave me a creative outlet to focus on and still deal with his death. To this day, that garden still brings me peace. And it's not uncommon for me to be out there and tell him I still miss him, thank him for his sacrifices for me, or just tell him how thankful I am that he was my Father.

Maybe this is a project your whole family could do in your MIL & FIL's memory.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Good idea Shepard, My FIL loved to garden, he had one in the back yard he was so proud of it.. He had tomatoes and cucumbers, and we always had them for supper it was always enjoyable. radishes also. :)
Thanks everyone I'm going to look into these books.
 

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I just thought I'd share something we have done. I bought two special candle holders that I replace with candles as needed (tapers). At dinner we light them and say a prayer for their Grandfather and their Uncle. My 12 year old is very emotional so she'll sometimes just light them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Morningstar, I read that on a webstie, I'm going to get 2 candles and light them on Christmas for both of them and say a prayer!
 

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I wish there was some magic formula to help your daughters and the rest of your family through this but there's not. "A Grief Observed" as mentioned before would be good for the adults, maybe even your 17 year old. Not sure about for a child, my daughter still grieves over my brother who died 6 years ago more so than any of the other family members that we've lost. She was 6 when he passed away and remembers him, my son was 4 and doesn't really.
 

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Morningstar, I read that on a webstie, I'm going to get 2 candles and light them on Christmas for both of them and say a prayer!
I thought I made that up, lol. Actually they did that at Courageous Kids, every week one of us lit a candle in memory of our loved one. I liked the idea so much I got the two candle holders. Sometimes just getting through the day, week, year is enough but having something concrete to do is nice for everyone.
 

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Remember them daily, and don't be afraid to laugh over things. Quite often, when one of the kids does or says something really funny, we blame it on either Dave, Teresa, Grandma or Grandpa. For instance, when Tommy says something that catches me off guard, I'll roll my eyes up and say "All right 'Resa, don't give him any ideas!" We always make note of things that Grandpa would have found funny, or things that would have made Dave proud.

The four of them are still a part of our lives this way, and we really enjoy their memories.
 
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