What would you do?? leadership

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by us4davis, Jan 22, 2007.

  1. us4davis

    us4davis Mommicked Mom

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    OK were to begin!!! I have been a leader to a particular youth organization for 8 years (3 clubs having over 60 kids total and speciality topic group) before that I have been a leader in Girl Scouts and to a church youth group( which I am still the leader) for over 17 years. I have 2 girls age 16 1/2 and 12 1/2. The girls are very active in the first organization as it has alot to offer them, Leadership, Learning, Public Speaking, Teaching, Animal Care....etc. This organization has a county agent, county director, district director, and state director. The county agent DOES NOT like me because I ask questions and/or I go to the state office for answers. Because of our mutual feelings I stepped down as a leader. I became tired of the constant behind your back attitude. I have been to the county director and for some reason he refuses to do anything about it. I have been to the district director who listens and gives the county a hard time but then I get a talking to about doing the proper chain of command.
    This is an example of what has been happening for 2 years now:
    The county agent added points to a childs entry after all forms were turned in. This child then won the award. I questioned if that was the right thing to teach the kids that you can add points to one form but not to the rest!!!! The reply came back from the county agent that ONLY 5 points were added!!!! I don't care if 1/100 of a point was added it was WRONG!!! NO ONE else had the opportunity to add anything.
    I believe in this organization, my girls have grown so much!!! It just happens to have some people who are looking to move up the ladder instead of what it should be about. THE KIDS!!!!!
    I live 2hrs away from the surrounding counties in all directions. My oldest has done alot at the state level this year but we are about 3-4hrs away from there.

    After 5 monthes of not being a hands on leader, I want to get the 3-4 kids together that had training to teach a speciality topic and have them teach in the county. I have to have the agents approval first and the agent has said that I will never be a leader in this county again:flame:. I have NEVER had anyone talk negative about my leadership until now!!!!
    What would you do?????
     
  2. Grandmotherbear

    Grandmotherbear Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You can go over the county agent head to the state...you can let it go...teach the girls and see if there is another local leader somewhere who will "comp" them and sign off on the learning that was under you- ...you can bolt to a new organization.
    4h- Boy Scouts allow 14yrold plus girls in the venture program-girl scouts-campfire youth-surely there is some way to wiggle this.
    I know what you mean. I did so much for my son's boy scout troop after he grew up and district leadership stood by while a new power hungry mother dedicated herself to chasing me totally out of the troop :Bawling:
     

  3. electronrider

    electronrider Well-Known Member

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    Time to move on. At this opint in time you are changing from working within an organisation to help better your children, to fighting an organisation to better your children. There are many many many ways to creatively channel a child's energies and abilities. Find another and move on.
     
  4. Country Lady

    Country Lady Well-Known Member Supporter

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    At the present time, we're going through some strife with an organization also. I've come to realize, anytime you're involved with people, there's always going to be control freaks. It just make me want to withdraw from anything sometimes. Arrrrgh!!
     
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Well-Known Member

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    Sorry but sounds like you don't like the other person either. Never works well or at least in my experience to question what the boss says and really never works to go over their heads. If the person is doing something seriously wrong you have to go to those in charge above them but in eight years if the top people thought he was wrong he would not still be there.
    Go to another organazation offer your skills and move on. Best of luck, there are not enough youth leaders. Thank you.
     
  6. indypartridge

    indypartridge Well-Known Member Supporter

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    It sounds like you are very stressed and worked up about this - not good for you or your girls. What would I do? First, I'd back off from any kind of leadership roles in the group. It doesn't sound like a battle worth fighting. Then I'd have a long discussion with my kids, asking what THEY want to do - at 16 and 12 they are both old enough to understand what all has been going on, and they should be able to have significant input regarding the activities they want to participate in. Tell them you won't be a leader, but they are welcome to participate if they want to. Tell them what you said here: that there are good things about the organization, that it has a lot to offer, BUT they will also have to deal with a certain amount of favoritism and politics. That's gonna be true of just about any organization in any county in any state. Often you have to put up with a certain amount of politics and unfairness, but if the good outweighs the bad, then it can still be a good experience.
     
  7. WindowOrMirror

    WindowOrMirror ..where do YOU look? Supporter

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    Go to the top - if you feel that taking this to the mat is the right thing to do - but, I'd ask yourself what you're doing it for. Your girls have 1.5 and 5.5 years left in this organization respectively, and that can be a LONG time if mom's made enemies and not carried it all the way through. If you DO carry it all the way through, you may have to leave anyhow.

    These organization are staffed by warm bodies. When the state leadership level finds someone who is willing, and they then do the job for a time (many years sometimes), the leadership will do nothing (read: nothing but resist you) to change that person out, because they are willing. The "risk" to them of discipline and standards is far too high compared to the "benefit" of having the same person there day after day after miseerable day.

    Just my 40.02,

    R
     
  8. Auric

    Auric Registered Doofus

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    Lose the scouts, and join 4-H. The kids are the leaders.
     
  9. WindowOrMirror

    WindowOrMirror ..where do YOU look? Supporter

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    Okay... now I am chuckling...
     
  10. us4davis

    us4davis Mommicked Mom

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    Thanks guys for all of the imput!!
    It is one of the organizations that was listed from grandmabear. And the girls are under a different leader. I did sit down with the girls and we had a discussion about the effects this was having on our family. NOTHING is more important that!!!!:0: Living in a very rural area we do not have alot of programs for all kids that offer what this organization does. My oldest was awarded a national trip where she went to Atlanta, Georgia.
    I do not have any respect for this person. I have only listed one thing there are more! The county person shows us one side and the paid staff another side. The county person has only been in this position for 3 yrs. The first year was good, then the county person(paid staff) started telling us(volunteer leaders) who we could and could not talk to in the office (everyone there is suppose to be there for one reason THE KIDS!! Not for sure why the county person did not want to talk to anyone in the office????). I held off as long as I could before going over the county persons head to complain!
    Has it been worth it; YES and NO!!!
    My girls have become stronger people because of it, they now speak up for what they believe in. BUT it has been a very STRESSFUL 2yrs. I would like to work with the 3-4 kids and NOT as a club leader. I guess I will have to eat humble pie and stay quiet. The kids want to keep this team going and right now I am the only one trained to lead them.
     
  11. us4davis

    us4davis Mommicked Mom

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    Auric THAT IS THE PROBLEM!!!!!
     
  12. sullen

    sullen Question Answerer

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    Well at least it[s not as bad as it could be. I got news yesterday that someone has convinced the DA to take me to court. He recommended JAIL TIME!!!!!!!!!!! I have to pay a lawyer and go to court to defend myself over nothing.
    SO it could be a lot worse. People can stink. All the organizations I have worked with here have crazy people in them, people who push me around and out and lie about me. Thats why even DH wants to leave Maine. He is afraid our family will be destroyed.
    You guys can say its all me.....go ahead, join in on the hating. But I know the truth. God knows the truth. And people who lie about others will suffer at the end.
    Keep your head up.
     
  13. WindowOrMirror

    WindowOrMirror ..where do YOU look? Supporter

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    Sullen, I've - admittedly - not read all of your posts, but what (who) has gotten you into hot water?
     
  14. us4davis

    us4davis Mommicked Mom

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    Sullen sent you a pm.
     
  15. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    If I were you, I would resign my position, especially if it were a volunteer post. You, your daughters, and the rest of your family do not need that level of stress. I would, tell my daughters that my problem did not need to be their problem, and if they wished to be members of the organization, which has so much to offer them, I would do everything within my power to show my support for their choice.

    With my now freed up spare time, I would get as many books as I could find that could help me learn how to negotiate and work well with others.

    Hugs
    Marlene
     
  16. Auric

    Auric Registered Doofus

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    Don't confuse youth with immaturity, they don't always go together.
     
  17. us4davis

    us4davis Mommicked Mom

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    Auric
    I'm SORRY!!! I replied to soon.
    The problem is not with the youth but with the county person in that organization. We believe in the program 100%:HAPPY: . That is why I don't want to leave the program!!
     
  18. cricket

    cricket Well-Known Member

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    If it's the organization I think it is, this kind of crap is exactly why we don't participate in it. Others in other parts of the state say their programs are fabulous but ours is HORRID. Way too political and juvenile... And don't get me started on the scouts. They're worse!
     
  19. sullen

    sullen Question Answerer

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    Funny thing.....I have no idea. I still don't know these people. They just called the cops and told them I was trying to run them down with my DH's truck. Cop chose their side. I lose.
    This is separate from the situation with Cub scouts here, 60% of the adults in it are power hungry and I am not allowed in. Like they are god. I send DH over there. The ones who are not power hungry just let it slide. I would too but they schedule scout stuff when they know I can't send the boys. And tell me too bad. Wonderful. I was gonna be assistant cub master but the cub master left and the new cub master didn't want an assistant. The old cub master was soooooo glad to get away from them! He moved to New Hampshire, lucky dog.
    Then there is the parent teacher association's clique I am not allowed into. And the Playgroup clique that has pushed me out. Fabulous people.

    I have tried to find people I can talk to. Just isn't gonna happen. So I have resigned myself to suffer in silence until the day I can move away. If I don't end up in Jail first.
     
  20. sewtlm

    sewtlm Well-Known Member

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    If this is about 4-H you can change counties if you live close to the county line. You can only compete in one county/state per year.

    This year after fighting with the county fair 4-H horse superintendent and friends I gave my daughter a choice stay where we are or change to the adjoining county.
    She wanted to try one more year because her premium check would be different.
    I think we will go watch the other county fair and then decide this fall again.

    I wish that the rules from state to state were more consistant. If all state 4-H organizations used the same rules it would increase membership because no one would have to be confused or lose out at fair time.

    As a former record book judge I have added points to books because there was a missunderstanding about how some things are looked at. ( I have won the divisions in which I was judging so had national insight) I wouldn't have added points if they weren't deserved.