what would you do if this happened to your child?

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Star In N.C., Sep 20, 2005.

  1. Star In N.C.

    Star In N.C. Well-Known Member

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    I have a problem and I hope you can help me.

    My daughter's vice principle called today to tell me that my daughter was throwing food at breakfast and the kid that she throw it at hit her on the arm and then chased her up the hall to her class room and hit her in the back in front of her classmates. He then told me they disciplined the boy who hit her and now they are taking action against her. If he found out that she actually throw it at him. He wanted me to find out what really happened.

    I asked my daughter how her day at school was and she told me that she pretended to throw a muffin wrapper at the boy but did not actual throw anything at him. Then he hit her and she ran for the classroom to get help so he would not hit her again then he hit her in the back as she got to her classroom where the principal and her teachers and her classmate seen him hit her again and she was taking to the office for an hour then she was allowed to go eat lunch then she went about her day as usual.

    So I called the school back asked about talking the vice principal to let him know what was going on. I then told back the story she told me. He then told me to tell my child if she had not pretended to thump a piece of paper at the boy there would have not been a problem at all. It would not have snow balled into the mess and the boy would not have gotten into any trouble but since my daughter so meanly pretended to thumb this heavy wrapper at the kid now this boy was in trouble for physically hitting my daughter not once but twice.

    Now I am going to ask my homesteading family what you would do? :help:
     
  2. ChiliPalmer

    ChiliPalmer Well-Known Member

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    Ask him about his insurance policy, because now she's got this big bruise and she's scared to go back to school... may need to see a therapist...

    Realistically, I'd tell him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine and remove her on grounds that the school doesn't have the means nor inclination to handle violent children. The above is solely because I think he's being a moron and I'd love to see the look on his face if I said that to him. Ha.
     

  3. vegascowgirl

    vegascowgirl Try Me

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    You might not like hearing this, but I doubt that she was "just pretending" to throw the wrapper. I can remember times when I threw things and and didn't completely fess up to it (I wasn't actually trying to hit anyone, I was aiming for the trash can...yeah right) . However, the fact is no matter what story is told, something happened. I have to wonder why the boy lashed back so harshly. I wonder if some long term teasing has been going on...maybe she likes this boy and teases him for attention? Then again the boy may just have an anger problem.
    What would I do? hmm tough question. Kids are going to be kids, but sometimes we do need to run interference unfortunately.
    I would talk to her and let her know that throwing things (or pretending to) is not a good idea. I would try to ask about the boy and get an idea of what she really thinks of him. You can then get an idea if maybe he has been teasing her (the thrown wrapper may have been retaliation), or if she has been teasing him which lead to this last straw encounter.
    Remember we all want to think that our kids "just wouldn't do that"...but unfortunately kids do. If you have a sneaking suspition that your child is becoming a "mean girl" this is the time to nip it.
    In the long run I wouldn't worry too much about the whole thing. chances are in a week or two the kids will be playing together on the playground without any problems at all.
    NOW, take a deep breath, it's not the end of the world.
     
  4. GrannyG

    GrannyG Well-Known Member

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    She needs to know the rules in the cafeteria, and that her behavior was inappropriate. It is amazing what kids do, when they are away from home. We had a similar situation in our cafeteria, but it escalated to the point that a child was stabbed with a fork in the chest. She is certainly not allowed to throw food wrappers at home, so she needs to act in like manner. They should both be punished by having to sit by the teacher for a week, one on each side.I know you don't want to hear that the vice principal is right, but he is.She probably feels bad about the incident, and needs to apologize to the boy and he needs to apologize to her for hitting her, and needs a lecture on not hitting, regardless of how mad he was at her.
     
  5. Star In N.C.

    Star In N.C. Well-Known Member

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    Well the young boy we are talking about got expelled from school 2 years ago because he hit a teacher and threatened her with a knife.

    He also hit the principal in the arm as he was running to hit my child in the back.

    My daughter told me that he called her a fat butt so she was thinking about throwing it but didn't because I would ground her if she did. And I would have if she had the teacher that was watching over the kids did not see my daughter throw the wrapper even though she was right beside my daughter. This is also what the vice principal said on the second phone call.
     
  6. Jeff54321

    Jeff54321 Well-Known Member

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    Is there anyone here that did not throw a piece of paper (or pretend to) at some time during their school years? Why is it that the things kids do, and have done for all of history, are now being treated like criminal acts?

    Somewhere along the line our sense of what is truly important, and what is not, has become very misaligned. I say back your child 100% for having done nothing beyond a trivial childhood act.

    Jeff
     
  7. Star In N.C.

    Star In N.C. Well-Known Member

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  8. pcdreams

    pcdreams Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Jeff. Its totally senseless for your daughter to be blamed for someone elses behavior. I'd tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine.

    If I ever had a kid, (he/she) would be homeschooled...
     
  9. Star In N.C.

    Star In N.C. Well-Known Member

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    That is what I am thinking about doing is homeschooling her.
     
  10. comfortablynumb

    comfortablynumb Well-Known Member

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    breakfast.. at school?

    I'm behind the times...
     
  11. james dilley

    james dilley Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Have A meeting with the boys parents At school. and tell them you are pressing charges .If he touches your girl one more time. or give her A ball bat and let her catch the boy alone and let her beat the he** out of him..
     
  12. Snowdancer

    Snowdancer Well-Known Member

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    Request a meeting of your daughter and the boy as well as the school officials and his parents. That send the message that you take this seriously; with both the school and his parents.

    Ask each kid to give thier version of the story. Watch for signs of lying on either kids part! Sometimes when everyone is together-her side vs his side is told somewhere in the middle lies the full truth.

    Before everyone hangs the kid high; it would be helpful to know if there may be more that has gone on previously between those two as far as taunts or other altercations. Both genders seem to know how to push the others hot buttons-sometimes they just don't realize it may cause retaliation.

    We are only hearing one side and at that it's second hand from the principal; no offense Star(I've been there too), just that there could be more to this than just what you daughter has said so far. Remember, she already said she knew she'd be grounded for certain actions so I get the sense that she may not want to admit too much since she doesn't want to lose her priviledges.

    I don't know your daughter or the boy; I just think seeing how both act when they're together and have to tell their recollections & explain their actions may be the fairest way to get to the bottom of all of this.
    It shows concern for your child, a desire for the truth and also shows the school that you're not one of those moms that believes their child couldn't possibly do something wrong.
     
  13. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Yes you are way behind. I worked in a school cafeteria back in the middle 80s and we served breakfast WAYYYY back then.
     
  14. starjj

    starjj Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Well since I work in the cafeteria at a local school I can see where the vice principal is coming from. "Pretending" to throw something can quickly get out of hand. I am not saying the boy didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't be punished but your daughter needs to take some responsibility also. That said the punishment should fit the "crime". What she did was very minor and she is NOT responsible for this boy's actions since he is clearly out of hand if he reacts in this manner. I would request a meeting with your daughter, the vice principal, and yourself. I would not include his parents or him since I would bet they would try to make it look like your daughter caused the whole problem and make it look like his reactions were "normal". I got a real eye opener when I started working in the cafeteria. I am still shocked by how tightly the children are controlled. Boy we sure got away with more mischief in my day. Not to worry CN I was surprised too that they serve breakfast too and our lunches are very tasty not the old mystery meat meals of "back then".
     
  15. Quint

    Quint Well-Known Member

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    I'm with comfortablynumb I've never heard of such a thing and I graduated in 90.

    Why the heck would they serve breakfast at school? Don't kids eat that before they come to school? What's next supper? Heck why even send them home just let them stay at school and let the state totally care for them. Pretty soon they'll just cut to the chase and expect people to just sign their kids over to the state at birth. Anyway that's beside the point.


    First, any little boy who hits a little girl deserves to get his hide tanned. Boys just don't hit girls no matter what the provocation. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had smacked a little girl when I was in school.

    Second if it were my daughter I'd tell her to knock off the crap in the lunchroom or she can go without breakfast or dinner and if I hear about any more shenanigans at school she'll be eating all of her meals standing up.

    There was probably guilt on both parties part but the little boy needs to learn that hitting girls is cowardly act and little girl needs to learn that throwing stuff and acting up in the lunchroom and then denying it isn't going to fly either. In my time (god do I feel old now) this would have never made it to the parents. The paper tosser would have ended up eating in the principle's office for a week and the boy would have ended up with detention. More importantly he would have taken a pretty good beating from his friends and classmates for hitting a girl.
     
  16. wy_white_wolf

    wy_white_wolf Just howling at the moon

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    But officer, I was only pretending to shoot him. I didn't know the gun was loaded.

    Would you accept the above excuse?
     
  17. Pony

    Pony STILL not Alice Supporter

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    Okay, there are three things going on here.

    1.) We don't throw things at others, pretend or otherwise. It seems your daughter has learned this lesson. You can reinforce that in whatever manner works best for your daughter.

    2.) WE DO NOT CHASE PEOPLE DOWN AND SOCK THEM -- NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID. I mean, if your daughter was beating the snot out of the kid, okay, he had a reason to defend himself. But to chase her through the school, HITTING THE PRINCIPAL IN THE PROCESS, and then to hit her in the back????!!! That is TOTALLY out of control and WAY out of line under the circumstances, even if she beaned him with her Little Debbie Snack Cake.

    3.) The grown-ups are blaming the boy's out-of-control rage on your daughter. How goofy is that? Your daughter is responsible for her contribution to the conflict, and that boy is responsible for his outrageous behavior. As long as he is taught that he can deflect the blame on to others, he will continue and escalate the behaviors.

    "Gee, Officer, she stuck her tongue out at me and called me a name, so I shot her. 10 or 15 times." (Sounds a lot like what that murderous hunter in WI used as a defense in court, doesn't it? And his family stood by, self-righteously defending him...)

    Pony!
     
  18. trappmountain

    trappmountain Well-Known Member

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    I think in todays society we do take things way to seriously that we used to take for granted. Kids fighting and bullying each other is wrong and always have been but they have always done it.

    I agree with Kentucky Guest and think this is the best way to handle this. I also think you have to let your daughter know that even pretending to throw the paper is wrong and can insight violence. Her safety is your first priority. Obviously if you know about his past violent history the school does also, so handling this in the above manner makes the most sence. It will also give you some insight as to what his parents are like. Do they believe they have a perfect son or could there be violence at home? Also might they be a good place to go if your daughter has any further trouble with their son? They may know he is having problems and are trying to deal with it (therapy etc.).
     
  19. Hovey Hollow

    Hovey Hollow formerly hovey1716

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    Quint,
    For many children, the food they get at school is the only food they get. It's sad, but hunger in children in the US still happens. I'm not sure if is parents who don't know how to balance their resouces, apathy, stupidity, greed or what. I really don't mean to hijack the tread to talk about the welfare system, but there are kids that go hungry in this country, in this day and age. Our old school system offered free breakfast and lunch even in the summer time, for this reason.

    Star, I'm not sure what to tell you about your daughter. I'm going through some of the same things with my son's shenanigans. If this is her first offense I think I would give her the benifit of the doubt, esp if it doesn't fit her personality. With my son, I'd be likely to believe it, but then it fits his personality to be goofing around, etc.
     
  20. okgoatgal2

    okgoatgal2 Well-Known Member

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    totally off post subject, but: Quint, breakfast is served at school because too many parents DON"T care and DON"T bother to feed their kids decent meals. candy bars and pop aren't a decent breakfast. at least they get some nutrition eating at school. also, many parents work an hr or so from home, and have to be at work early, so they just don't feed their kids-it is easier for the school to feed them. my kids often eat breakfast at school-i'm a teacher-because it is quite frankly easier for me to feed them at school than it is for me to get them fed and the kitchen cleaned before work.


    now, on the subject of the post, you should let your dd know the limits, and i think you have, all kids do things like this. if it were me, i'd let that principal or vp, whoever, know that my dd is NOT to be blamed for the actions of that other boy-i had to defend my oldest last yr b/c "her attitude and that chip on her shoulder is why the boys treat her that way"-they were calling her a ----, and a b****, and many other things, then started in on me-and they didn't know me, except as a teacher at the school. hard call letting them deal with things at school......