[hawgsquatch]

I have been struggling with this a lot lately.

I am going to start dating soon. I think it is time that I started to see who is available and what they have to share with and gain from me.

I want to do this biblically, as I tried the worldly method and it has taken me four years to get over that debacle.

So, biblically I should be trying to find that forever someone to spend my life with in marriage.

But what exactly is marriage. I had the legally defined one and that did not work out. I was entered into a contract where anyone can violate the contract for any reason without consequence or obligation.

All I can see biblically is that a marriage is one man and one woman living in covenant with the lord. They did not have county clerks and special interest groups back then.

I also do not think I need a governmental sanction for my "marriage" to be valid. They change the definition frequently on political grounds so much that I think they have invalidated the institution as it stands.

For my peace of mind, what should my relationships look like?

I think, I think that if I stay out of the sack with someone until fully committed before God with the attitude that this is a one time deal and no quitting, I am fulfilling my obligations.

What do you folks think?

 

[dizzy]

Even during biblical times, they had a ceremony of some sorts. What it looked like, I cannot say other than the first one where God brought Eve to Adam. But, it involved more than just living together. Jesus attended a wedding. The woman at the well was living w/a guy w/out being married. And, in this day and age, a wedding ceremony protects your spouse in the event of a divorce.

http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/marriagecovenan.htm

http://www.bible.ca/marriage/ancien...nd-marriage-customs-ceremony-in-the-bible.htm

 

[gweny]

As a married woman, it seems silly to me that you are trying to figure this out without involving your proposed partner in the discussion? It's great to know what you want, but perhaps it's more about the journey and less about the destination?

 

[Laura Zone 5]

I have been struggling with this a lot lately.

I am going to start dating soon. I think it is time that I started to see who is available and what they have to share with and gain from me.

I want to do this biblically, as I tried the worldly method and it has taken me four years to get over that debacle.

So, biblically I should be trying to find that forever someone to spend my life with in marriage.

But what exactly is marriage. I had the legally defined one and that did not work out. I was entered into a contract where anyone can violate the contract for any reason without consequence or obligation.

All I can see biblically is that a marriage is one man and one woman living in covenant with the lord. They did not have county clerks and special interest groups back then.

I also do not think I need a governmental sanction for my "marriage" to be valid. They change the definition frequently on political grounds so much that I think they have invalidated the institution as it stands.

For my peace of mind, what should my relationships look like?

I think, I think that if I stay out of the sack with someone until fully committed before God with the attitude that this is a one time deal and no quitting, I am fulfilling my obligations.

What do you folks think?

Scripture says that God set 'governors' to maintain the laws of the land; and that we are to follow them.
To be 'legally married' it requires a licenses provided by the state.
To give and receive benefits (medical, etc) you must be married as the state deems "married" or no bennys for you.

Jesus' first Miracle, was at a wedding ceremony..........so.......

*Married means a man and a woman have committed in their minds and hearts that the "two will become one".
*Those two go to the courthouse and adhere to the laws of their state to become 'married'.
*A ceremony is preformed (an outward public expression to let the world know the two are now one).
*The two consummate the married, and become 'one'.

Anything short of that is not what Scriptures demand.

All that God has asked of us, has been fulfilled.

 

[Terri in WV]

I am not versed in the bible, but I think your relationship should be what you and your partner would be comfortable with.

 

[WindowOrMirror]

I believe that the first six or seven verses in Romans 13 make it clear that we are to follow the laws of the land. Marriage... the license... is common and often required, so we do that as Christians.

R

 

[elkhound]

get yourself a strongs concordance and look at scripture from its original language of Hebrew meaning....be prepared to be amazed at what certain words mean and scripture really says.




on line lexicon


http://eliyah.com/lexicon.html

 

[FarmboyBill]

REMEMBER THO, In all the instances quoted above, It is/was assumed that the marriage would be consummated on that first night. Even up till near now, I don't think that a marriage is legally binding until it has been consummated, so, IF he does like he says, and has no, bennys until hes decided shes the right one, whether hes living with her or not, Its not considered to be breaking any law, NOR, likely any scriptural law.

The woman at the well, was either so hot to trot that the above didn't apply, OR she was so god looking that the 6 guys couldn't wait to open Pandoras box lol.

 

[rkintn]

Marriage is much too complex to try and put in a neat little box. It is different for every couple. I will say that our resident relationship guru, Oxankle, seems to have a pretty good handle on it. I think his latest post in the We Are Not Alone thread is a pretty good answer for you




Mean people suck.

 

[simi-steading]

You should ask Jim and Tammy or Mrs. Swaggart how those biblical marriages work out..

Marriage isn't about religion or a government nod... They are about finding someone who has you as their best interest, and you finding them to be your best interest.. Friends for life works much better than trying to follow other's written "rules"

 

[Oxankle]

I'm no bible freak, but the bible contains the time-tested rules for life. Depart from them and you'll have a harder time of it than those who follow the rules.

Hawgsquatch is on the right track. Marriage, a lawful marriage under the laws of church and state, is a commitment to the spouse, to the community, to kin and to any children that come of the marriage.

Shacking up is just a longer version of a one night stand. Because such unions impose costs and consequences that impact the whole community some states had common law marriages that imposed duties and benefits on those who had long-term shack-ups. As Hawgsquatch notes, marriage nowadays is treated pretty casually and most states no longer recognize common law unions, laws that were principally for the protection of women and children. So much for the feminist movement.

Worse, so many people move from one six-week stand to another there are whole armies of men and women out there who have bad habits, are cynical and disillusioned, totally unfit for any marriage. Men who have self-defeating habits, who treat women as objects, women who are bitter and distrusting, past their prime with nothing to show for it other than perhaps somebody's child or two. Nine times out of then those people will deny that anything they've done has contributed to their misery.

 

[homefire2007]

I think I'm going to just keep attending the church I always have. The stars, moon, river and trees are a spiritual experience for me. My late husband and I were married by a JP. To us it was just as holy as having it sanctified by a church. People have to do what is best for them and the belief system they put their faith in.

 

[summerdaze]

I don't think I would absolutely need a license and be married in the legal sense, although I agree that there should be some sort of ceremony. Could be real simple with our very closest loved ones. I would very much want to feel married, and I believe that God and my loved ones would all be in agreement. I wouldn't be shacking up beforehand. The only thing that would be different for me, is that the state didn't have a hand in it in any way.

But that also means you wouldn't have all the same rights as a legally married couple. A well thought out living will might help with some things.

 

[tambo]

If I EVER get married again, which that will never happen again in my life, I would make sure I have a prenup. If I've ever learned anything, I've learned that. (Y'all can put me in whatever category you want, I don't care.) Prud, afraid of commitment what ever I will sport it with pride.)

Marriage to me is 100% given on both sides working for a common goal. I didn't have this in either of my marriages. We had love and that was about it. It didn't mean we could live a life together.

 

[AngieM2]

engagement - a private commitment (meant to be permanent) to each other.

Marriage - the public affirmation of the private commitment to each other.

 

[Oxankle]

Marriage in a church is not a necessity; that only adds a layer of solemnity to the ceremony and is significant only to those who have religious beliefs. Marriage by a JP, a traveling minister or a drive-by in Vegas, so long as it is legally sanctioned, affords all the protections of law to both spouses.

Keeping the marriage together is the important part to society. Think about it; think of the extra costs to the courts, the welfare system and the families that break-ups entail. Society has a real interest in keeping marriages solid.

Now; the news today carried a bit about men being happy in marriage---the key was to keep the wife happy. It boils down to "If Mama ain't happy NOBODY'S happy".

 

[littlejoe]

The laws of our land are as corrupt as the lawmakers who make them, so I wouldn't put a lot of stock in them! They change them every day, to suit whims. I think (but not sure) if someone shares the same address as you, you are considered married if it comes to separation? Of no matter, though.

IMO, marriage isn't of mans laws. It's more about you and who you are, and the partner you've selected. it's commitment to death do part or some unforgivable sin...it's made in your heart, and in your mind. D.... if I want govt interference, or even church interferance! There's a wide variety of churches and doctrines anymore.

It is between me, her, and God!!!

I wouldn't shack up with someone. If I had someone I felt truly committed to, I would make that promise in my heart and soul. There is nothing higher! A ring isn't even a fair representation of that promise...and is actually nothing!

Would I take part in such a gesture? more than likely, I would. What we have to offer...it true...has no valuation in this world. Marriage by law has no meaning to me, if it's not by everything you posses. And not meaning worldly possessions.

 

[hawgsquatch]

Thanks everyone,

My pastor says the same as you LittleJoe, Oxankle I respect your side as well.

I have decided that I am open to marriage as certified by the government but only with a pre-nup that spells out exactly what is going where and how. If we can't come to terms on that, then there really is no point in furthering it. I am not going to have any more biological children so that is a mute point.

I was actually trying to figure out what people were talking about with legal protections for a spouse and other that SSI I was at a loss. I don't get SSI because I have a pension backed by a public corporation and that is transferrable to either a spouse or my children at my choice. All of my insurances and property will transfer to my kids as well. That's the cool thing about having no property and no wealth. All of my wealth is tied up in education, so when I am gone the only tangible evidence of it will be carried by the people I shared it with. The government cannot tax it either.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Laura Zone 5]

Now; the news today carried a bit about men being happy in marriage---the key was to keep the wife happy. It boils down to "If Mama ain't happy NOBODY'S happy".

I have heard the greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother in front of them.....

 

[Vahomesteaders]

Hi The key is finding the person God has for you. He loves the wedding ceremony. That's why he related us to a wedding ceremony. Truth be told is very hard to find women today who will wait until marriage for sex or who will give that kind of commitment. They are there but few and far between. My suggestion would be find a Mennonite girl. They will work just as hard as you on the farm and marriage is very important as is keeping a Christ centered marriage and life long commitment. At least that's what the ones around here do. I got lucky and my wife became friends with some and they made a big impression on her. And while we don't live like they do so far as dress and modern conviences we do live as close to them spiritually and in our commitment to each other and God. That's what marriage is about. Having a loving committed relationship surrounded by Christ and hard work both on the farm and in relationship. Because they all take work.