moonwolf said:
It's unfair to judge a couple or single person and say they aren't a family, or hold family values of interest to them and perhaps hold a broader view of relationship with their fellow human beings and nature. Selfishness can exist through many forms of greed whether someone procreates for children, or not.
Carla, it's kind of you to mention the reality that some people don't want children as a choice, or perhaps can't have them, or don't care to handle raising them. There are also too many people have kids that really didn't want them. That is a sad situation also.
I don't think anyone was saying that they weren't a family. We all have choices in life. Okay, I hope this doesn't start an argument, I know I tend to state things very strong sometimes, but here goes. This is what I believe is causing this problem.
Carla made a very good point, which, whether she noticed it or not, backed up what others had said. I have to say that MOST of the "categories" she listed are caused by selfishness. The first. She is right. Most people do not want kids. This is absolutely wrong, I firmly believe that. Whether you want to accept it or not, marrying is for ACCEPTING the gifts from God and procreating children & becoming as much like Jesus & His bride (the Church) as possible. As soon as you stray from this you are less of a family, though a family nonetheless. If you aren't open to God's gifts, there is something seriously wrong, after all, marriage is NOT just between the wife and husband, but it is threefold, including God. You can't not accept his gifts (UNLESS FOR A VERY GRAVE REASON), think how rude this would be in "real life!!!".
Second point she made: "Perhaps can't have them." Okay, this is probably going to be the one I get slammed for. Now, to start, I understand that there are alot of people who have trouble having kids. I also know that some of these are for natural reasons and are a huge hardship on couples. I sincerely wish they could, and I feel very bad for them. I have many close acquaintences that are in this boat. But I hate to say it, MOST are not for natural reasons, although they appear to be on the surface. How many of these women have used birth control, specifically the "Pill" during their lifetime, messing up their bodies? How many have had an abortion when younger, how many have drank like crazy, smoked, drugged themselves up, etc..., and probably one of the biggest, other than the pill, how many go after careers and worldly ideas of success, and put off marriage until they can "plan" it when they are older? Most of the women I know who can't have kids are older. I am sure most have used the pill while younger so they couldn't get pregnant. DID YOU HAPPEN TO NOTICE ALL THESE THINGS ARE SELFISH????? How many people didn't get married in College or High School because it wasn't accepted, how many women didn't even consider it, it wasn't in "THEIR" plans. What about God's plans? Now I realize, before you criticize me, that not everyone fits into the categories above. There are those who couldn't find a mate, or just naturally can't have kids. Like I said before, my heart goes out to them.
Third Point. Not caring to raise them. Obviously this is extremely selfish, once again. It's not a matter of what you want in life, it's a matter of what God wants. There is nothing greater than having children and passing on some of yourself to the next generation. Our purpose in life is not to live, but to try and become as holy as possible, so we can eventually reach heaven. Obviously only through God's grace, it is not us, although it is our choice from day to day.
Lastly, I would like to say, that not only does the selfishness not stop at having kids, but at the number of kids. I firmly believe that unless you have a GRAVE reason for not having more kids, you should try and have them. I believe birth control of any form, even if you are using Natural Family Planning to PREVENT kids, is wrong unless you have a very grave reason. I could go into all the reasons why, and if you want to know, I will, but suffice it to say that I believe this is God's will, and by the way, paying for your kids college, or them having the latest fashion, etc is NOT an opt-out. Kids can have some if not all the responsibility for this. My hubby did, and he is more successful than most people I know who got their way "payed"/paved for them.
I believe that the problem today is most people want to control things, if they do want alot of kids, they want to space them & plan for them, not just let things happen (with a little help from the hubby.
), they want to do this and that before they get married, they don't seem to ever leave this up to God COMPLETELY. I will never space my children unless I need so, I will never not accept a child from God unless I am in a VERY, VERY serious situation. Is it hard having 3 children in 3-1/2 years? (Obviously most would not be like this, every woman is different, I am just on one extreme side of the spectrum!) Yes, it is, but you know what, it is much easier than having to go out and work at a normal job, it is just another job option, if you want to look at it that way. Alot of people take care of 20 kids for their job during the day, why can't I??? I can say one thing, it is alot more rewarding than any other job I have held, and I was a nanny for a short while too.
Natalie 22 wife to
Dale 38 parents to
Rachel 2
Jacob 11 mo.
Baby -1-1/2 mo.
Can't wait!!!!!!!!!