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Zone 7B
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My friend who, in the past, had made the comment about "when stuff hits the fan, we know where we'll be going!" (meaning my house) just moved into a 5 bedroom rental two months ago.... ($1500 a month (sharing with her BIL and niece but their portion is still $1100!!) First, last and a double deposit in order to get into it because of their credit.... (thank goodness for that stimulus check and DH overtime at +$28 hr)

She was absolutely jazzed about this new house... how they just LOVED it and couldn't wait for us to come over and see it all decorated for the holidays..... I have asked her about "Plan B" just in case something serious happened and was told "I am not going to worry about it, life is too short! He (her DH) is making the best money he has EVER made in his life and his job is secure because he works for the union! Nothing will happen! Just be happy for us!!" I WAS happy for her, but extremely concerned because of the economic downturn......

Well, you guessed it! Her DH got laid off two days before Thanksgiving INDEFINITELY! He and 79 other men got laid off (some have been there 5+ years) They are talking that they will only end up bringing back 10% of them next year and her DH is low man on the totem pole. (This job is with the local steel mill --- BIG $ employer in our area!)

She called me in a panic Sunday night........ Her DH will draw $489 a WEEK in unemployment but even that isn't enough to cover all their expenses (her DH was making almost $4000 a month and they were ALWAYS BROKE because of their debts).... I can sympathize with the difficulty of being unemployed at this time of year as it was the same for us several years ago, but their bad choices have been their own....

What could I say that I haven't already said (I've talked about prepping, about being frugal and about saving $$ but in one ear and out the other).... All I did say was I was sorry to hear that he was laid off....

In her next breath, she tells me of the great deals she got at JCP on black friday --- retailed $500 for about $200 (clothes for the kids---- because they NEEDED new ones! Her kids don't need a blessed thing! They are very ACCUSTOMED to new things!) They knew the Tuesday before Thanksgiving that he was laid off!!! Am I missing something???? She said that she also bought some high dollar Christmas gifts on BF because she NEEDED to be able to give her kids SOMETHING!! I almost bit through my tongue trying not to say something about the absurdity of it..... :(

I will not offer supplies or groceries, I will not offer any $$..... I will not feel sorry for their situation....
I WILL pray for them..... thats all I can do......

Some people will NEVER get it.........:bash: :bash:
 

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Some people just need to learn the hard way.

Learning to scrimp and save doesn't happen over night either. But it sounds as if you've given her plenty of advice in the past and she put a deaf ear to it.
 

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A few months living in cardboard boxes or under a bridge, might temper their wasteful ways...

I'm flying high now, but I'm putting most of it away, knowing good times don't last forever... haven't lost my frugality in the least (I feel guilty about even buying a cold drink during my work day... I could get my lunch paid for by my clients, but don't want to start any bad habits... and I consider eating out a bad habit...)

agree with you, I wouldn't 'enable' them, by helping them, at least financially...
 

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I would tell her to listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio....he has the plan...LOL
They might listen to him, because they obviously won't listen to Texastami. . . .

Texastami, when you said
I will not offer supplies or groceries, I will not offer any $$..... I will not feel sorry for their situation....
I WILL pray for them..... that's all I can do......
All I could think is, stick to your guns, because that is the right choice!
 

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Wow, at your control to keep you mouth shut. Helping her while she in in this mindset might only use up what ever you could do for her (if you wanted to) when she has her head screwed on.

Yes, it is hard to forgo Christmas presents but family and that includes kids in my books need to pull together during the hard times. Such choices on her part to spend money when the shelter bill is not covered for sure is more of a risk than many of us would be comfortable.
 

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There isn't anything you can say.

Just sit back and hope they come to their senses before they actually are sleeping in the car wondering how to feed themselves.
 

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Welcome to America!

I have helped family until it hurt so many times only to have the same thing happen.

We are a fat, lazy and stupid culture now.
 

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Well that is just sad but you know what...they will make it...if they want too! It will take awhile for all of us who are now accustom to getting everything we want!!

But life for us was not always this way. I remember the hard times Hubby and I grew up living life in hard times so hard we could not afford a coke. When we were both unemployed in 1981, I had just had my third child it was TG we would eat with hubbys family but as far as I was concerned Christmas could have been 6 months away still there was no way to buy for the babies. We lived in town that Christmas and every neighbor bought fruit and food and presents for our kids!!! It was soooo unexpected! It is a hard time I remember very fondly! It truly is better to give than to receive...unless it's your babies in need!
 

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Don't give them a thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some people do not learn from others mistakes: only from their own!
 

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Well that is just sad but you know what...they will make it...if they want too!
I agree! I think we tend to seriously underestimate people. One really can't predict how a person will respond when faced with a major crisis, especially a financial one during unnerving economic times as we are now experiencing. Sure, some people will fall apart permanently, but I wager to say the majority who experience major problems will ultimately realize that life goes on and so will they.
 

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In our house we say
Yagottawanna - you've got to want to.

Most people don't want to live frugally or responsibly. They will eithe learn or not as the time comes. It is frustrating to watch.
 

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Junkman
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You could say, "Golly, I might have been able to help you in the past, but due to unforseen circumstances, we can only provide for ourselves. But, I could help you figure out a new budget if you wanted." I had a neighbor say she could just not keep things on her shelf because money was so tight. Then the next breath she says they are eating at McD's or ordering pizzas. You are right to stick to "tough love." Jklady
 

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I think you should give her something.....

A "Yard Sale" sign. Tell her it's a great way to make extra cash because you don't have anything to give her except maybe some business at her yard sale.

:)
 

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You simply remind her that you've warned her that this could happen... and hope that she's watched your example.

Two years ago, during this time of year, my husband was laid off ( foo 11 months) actually. We had savings to fall back on, and did all the frugal things we've always done and made it through ok. Christmas was so simple and sweet. Each child got ONE gift and practical ones at that. We all made each other gifts. I knitted from my stash, as did the daughter. One son made wood carvings, husband made items of furniture (as he had the time). It was really, really nice.

A very close friend brought over some 'splurge' items between Christmas and New Years... I suspect they were clearanced after the holidays, but they were very much appreciated and very, very welcomed. I told him recently how much that had meant, at a time when we'd not splurged for months. We had a nice bottle of wine and chocolates and sausages and cheeses. We had a 'party' on New Years Eve with it and laughed and talked till morning.

The attitude of your friend will be brought to bear... if you're a kind friend, and I'd understand if you couldn't be, you'd wait until the 'crash' happens and then offer her a concise 'this is how I do it" written page of advice. You can't and shouldn't do more than that. Her children will learn some very important life lessons, and good ones if the parents are careful.

Take heart that your example has been a good one.

dawn
 
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