[Beast24]

I wrote a short story, just a spur of the moment thing, and people said that I should continue writing. What do you guys think? Here is the story below, please pardon any grammatical errors, or anything of that sort.


One day, there was a man named Bob. Bob wasn't a very tall man, but he sure had alot of heart at whatever he did.I just so happened, that Bob was wrestling at a very prestigious college, at the weight of 215 lbs. All through out his college career, he lost only twice to the same person. Bigy McBiggerson. On the first chance meeting, Bob was wrestling against Biggy his freshman year. As soon as the Ref blew the whistle, the duo were locked at the heads. Biggy manuvered a duck under on Bob, and before Bob knew it, he was flat on his stomach, Biggy getting the only points scored for hip control. Bob fought hard all throughout the match, but it just wasnt enough, Bigee was just to skilled an athlete for Bob. Bob used that loss to push him forward in his wrestling. The next time Bob and Bigy met, they were at an All-American wrestling tournament. Bob pulled a low single on Bigy, and got hip control, catching Bigy off of his guard. Bigy knew he had to score, and he relied on pure adrenaline and skill to reverse the position on Bob for the win. Bob tried and tried to work his way back up, but he just couldn't. After the match, Bigy took bob to the side. "That was a hell of a match, you might even beat me," was all he could say. The weird thing was, was that Bob had a feeling that they might never meet again. As Bob and Bigy went to the airport to get back home, they couldn't help but think,"What an amazing athlete that guy was!" Bob's flight was smooth, but something was lingering in the back of his mind. As soon as Bob was back on the ground, he kept overhearing people saying,"yeah, right after take off, it just blew up". Then he heard,"Flight 96". "Oh my god! That was Bigy's flight!" He just sat down on a bench and cried.He stayed there all night until he wreslting coach came and found him. When Bob looked into his coaches eyes, and the coach into his tear stained face, they had an equal understanding of how eachother felt. One had lost a freind, opponent, while the other had lost a nephew. Bobs coach was Johnny McBiggerson. Bigy's family had personally asked Bob to speak at his funeral, because they had heard so much about him from Bigy himself, and from Johnny McBiggerson. When the time came, Bob came to the alter, and said," Bigy was an amazing athlete, freind, son and nephew. What we don't know about life is that every moment, it is the end for some, the beginning for many, and no matter what we do, we all go by so fast. We have to stay strong with our morals, love our families, and live to the fullest, because you never know what is going to happen when. In the end, all we have in love." And with that, he took his seat, folded his hands and started praying.

Thanks

 

[Tracy Rimmer]

I'm going to assume you're younger, because it reads that way. If I'm wrong, forgive me -- either way, good for you for posting something you've written! That takes a lot of courage.

I'll give you a few pointers and you can take them or leave them, but I do this for a living, so if you're interested in what you'd be told if you submitted this to a periodical for publication, this is it.

First of all, you're obviously writing what you know. Good. Character development, a very important part of any fiction piece, is imperative. I would suggest this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Characters-Viewpoint-Elements-Fiction-Writing/dp/0898799279/ref=sr_1_1/104-9328251-4683914?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184818840&sr=8-1

...to help you with that. Develop that skill if you intend to write fiction in future, even if only for your own amusement. Your characters here are flat, while the theme of the story demands depth, seems to be indicating that it's there -- but isn't delivering.

You need to really look at your grammar. No one would read this if it were submitted to a periodical in this format -- editors do NOT have a whole lot of time, and "first view" often decides whether something will be read or immediately rejected, no matter how good the story. If you really don't have good grammar skills, and feel that you can't get them, have someone pre-edit your work for you who does. If something comes in and doesn't even have paragraph breaks, I can guarantee you -- no matter how good the story -- it will *NOT* be read.

Flesh out the characters, and flesh out the story. Lead, don't push. Paint a picture with words for your readers to visualize, don't tell them EVERYTHING, make them WORK for it, but not so hard that they give up before they get there. You want them to be transfixed by the story, not frustrated by it, or worse -- bored. If you tell them every detail, rather than painting the image for them to see themselves, it won't hold their attention.

Write. Write and write some more. Write every chance you get, and practice, practice, practice. Write about everything you see, everything you've seen, everything you experience. Keep a journal and commit to writing in it every day. Like everything else, writing is a skill that gets better with practice.

And no matter what, don't let anyone criticize you for writing. Ever.

 

[Beast24]

Alright, thanks for the tips