Went to visit dh's family aka trip to hades (vent)

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Zipporah, Jan 2, 2007.

  1. Zipporah

    Zipporah Well-Known Member

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    I am so glad to be home. :) We went to see dh's mom and cousin/sis.Sis wanted us to stay in her summer house on the beach with MIL so we did.It's a very nice place except MIL had the heat on 82 and would not allow us to turn it off.She was cold.She had on two sets of long handles and sweats every day. :shrug: Dd was sweating and wouldn't sleep.We opened our bedroom windows and got a little relief as it was in the 70's at night.Mil wanted to eat at the most high price restaurants she could find and when dh told her couldn't afford it she became sullen. :grump: We went to one over priced restaurant and ate dinner and she told dh that is what she wanted to eat every day of his stay that her stomach couldn't handle cheap food and only high price restaurants have good food. :shrug: She complained bitterly the whole time we were there.If I live to a hundred I hope I never become so bitter and grumpy.She talked to dh as if he was stupid calling him uneducated, because she said quote "he didn't go to college".Dh went to college,has a BS and is working on his Masters.I don't understand why she refuses to acknowledge this. We're eating breakfast and she announces to everyone he's uneducated.I quickly spoke up and said that's not true and she goes "oh when did he finish" as if she doesn't believe he's finished.She kept saying dh will have trouble getting a job because "he's uneducated" This just makes me mad.I had to hear how smart sil was and everyone else in her family as though mine were dumb hicks.My younger son wants to be a doctor and she said it was because her family had smarts and he had gotten it from that that side. My grandfather was a doctor and his father before him and several others in our family,but I guess they were dumb doctors. I let it go.No sense arguing with her.She is always right. :rolleyes: She refused to take a bath the entire visit. :nono: Why one can only imagine.There was a walk in shower with two seat built in so even though she is old she could have got into it with ease.Instead she kept powdering herself. :hand: At night she grease herself with lard ! :eek: :shrug: There must be some mental illness that causes this behavior.My oldest dd son said lets roll her flour when she greased herself before bed.With the heat she should be done by morning.LOL. I told him that was what the powder was for. :D On the bright side she gave dd a set of glass ware for her hope chest that her mother bought in 1902.I thought it was very nice in her and it will be very meaningful to dd one day.I asked her to write dd a note to put with it for when she's grown, telling about how it came into the family.I am so glad to be home.Dh turns into a grump when he's around her and takes it out on me and oldest son. After we left we went by my family's.I'll write about it later as dd is calling now for her mommy.
     
  2. largentdepoche

    largentdepoche Well-Known Member

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    Dear Lord, sounds like hanging around my MIL. I love the woman but I thank the Lord there is a door that seperates us in the same house LOL!

    Hubby gets riley when he's around his family also, they bring out the "bachelor" in him for sure.

    It's trips like this that make you really value your own home and privacy :).

    Kat
     

  3. Judy in IN

    Judy in IN Well-Known Member Supporter

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    WOW! I would say that you more than paid for the glassware.

    I think I'd rather buy it at an Antique dealers--no mental anguish...

    I, on the other hand, had a WONDERFUL Holiday season because of my new resolution.

    I do not waste my precious time on negative, nasty, manipulative people.

    It makes life GREAT!
     
  4. fantasymaker

    fantasymaker Well-Known Member

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    A the reason a man is to have but one wife!
     
  5. donsgal

    donsgal Nohoa Homestead

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    Zippoah, I wonder why she is such an unhappy person that she acts this way? Obviously she has some serious issues that she is trying to deal with (and not dealing with them very well, apparently). You're a very compassionate soul to be able to put up with such terrible behavior. My guess is that she feels that he "took her daughter" away from her and she is now trying to make him (and everybody else) pay for it. There is definitely some underlying hostility there.

    Thank goodness it isn't every day huh???

    donsgal
     
  6. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

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    Why in the world does she grease herself up with lard? That is downright disgusting! And not to bathe for an entire week? The smell must have been unbearable with the thermostat set so high. Ughh. God bless you for putting up with it. I won't even let my MIL in my house and haven't stepped foot in hers for 20 years. I won't tolerate the way she talks about me in front of my kids, so I don't go anywhere where the children or I have to hear her whining about how DH would be so much better off if he would just go back to the broomstick lady who left him and DD when she was an infant. (she is now 22-MIL does NOT give up when she wants something)
     
  7. wyld thang

    wyld thang God Smacked Jesus Freak Supporter

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    I told my sis the other day, I wish I had a MIL that would make potholders and stuff like that for me, and the other day sis gave me a package from her MIL to me, with two potholders and a BEAUTIFUL tea/flour sack towel with an embroidered red chicken!! What a sweetie!

    My MIL does the hot house thing too, drapes all drawn, dark dark dark in the house(talk abotu getting SAD!)
     
  8. RoseGarden

    RoseGarden Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like maybe there's a bit of dementia going on here? Has she had a stroke or heart disease, anything that could account for such behavior?

    Of course some times such behavior is not medical in nature, but rather just how some people are. My father is a very spiteful man who has to control everything, all the time...
     
  9. anniew

    anniew keep it simple and honest Supporter

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    Sometimes I am just soooo grateful to be single. When I was married over 30 years ago, I got along fine with my in-laws, but if I didn't, I'd have not put myself in that position of having to live with them for several days...hint!!!

    I do believe that we do not have to associate with people who bring us "down," whether family or friends. You may be a considerate person for putting up with this stuff, but give yourself a break and realize that some people are just not nice and don't deserve your company. A quickie 2 hour visit once in awhile should be enough for close family members who have issues, but others need not be catered to.

    Your headstone shouldn't read, "She was a nice woman who spent endless hours tolerating her in-laws." Use the energy for positive things.
    Ann
     
  10. Zipporah

    Zipporah Well-Known Member

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    Yes the smell was a bit much especially in the car with the heat on. :hand: She truly believes that lard will keep wrinkles away.Maybe it does,she looks good,just don't smell her. :rolleyes: The powder ...ahem...I think is to try and mask the not bathing. I imagine there is a bit of dementia taking hold,but SIL will not hear of it and she takes charge of everything and to be honest I'm glad she does as MIL is quite a handful.Very spoiled and demanding.I'm glad I'm home.
    It's my MIL and yes she believes I took her ds from her.She says he'd stayed with her if not for me.Never mind he didn't live with her before we married. :shrug: He went to live with his dad after his parents divorced and then on his own.Like I said though she has always been a bit odd.

    LOL
     
  11. uncle Will in In.

    uncle Will in In. Well-Known Member Supporter

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    There a saying that fish and company stink on the third day! If you ever get the strength to go again, stay in a motel, and make a couple visits with them, then move on. There has to be better things to do in the area. If not just return home. It don't sound like she was enjoying you guys any more than you were enjoying her. Why prolong the misery?
     
  12. Country Lady

    Country Lady Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I made the decision early in my younger days not to spend long periods of time with relatives that brought me down, whether my family or his, for santity sake. I felt that I had a home and a responsibility to my immediate family to keep it a sane, pleasant place, and if I was always upset with irritating relatives I couldn't do that.
     
  13. goatlady

    goatlady Well-Known Member Supporter

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    sounds to me like the woman is having some severe memory problems, not just being grumby and nasty - early Alzheimer's certainly early dementia what with not bathing and not remembering educational levels, etc. The lard and powder is most likely wht HER mom did, but I'll bet in moderation. She most likely needs some help.
     
  14. nodak3

    nodak3 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Sounds like my mom the final years of her life. Just some thoughts, however: lard is much gentler on the skin than anything you can buy. Old people often have very sensitive, very dry skin. Bathing and using "modern" skin products often means bleeding sores for them. As to the heat, as people age they become less able to tolerate both extreme heat (above 90 degrees) and cold. If you don't like the accomodations, may I suggest a motel room? As to the personality issues, it does sound like something is going on. With my mom it was anoxia due to copd. With my MIL it turned out to be a blocked carotid artery. I would be much less ticked off and much more concerned for her health.
     
  15. Zipporah

    Zipporah Well-Known Member

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    I'm not really ticked off,just glad to be home.I'd loved to stayed in an hotel,but it wasn't my call and I just had to make the best of it.I have trouble knowing when to be concerned about her behavior as it as always been odd to say the lest and nasty when it comes me and the children. She knows dh's education level,but won't recognize it.We haven't seen her in years and was hoping she'd change,but that wasn't case.Doubt we'll go back.
    yep...LOL
    I think she needs help,but last time dh and I tried that SIL quickly took over.Seems her mental health is not to be questioned and to do so will get you exiled to say the least so it's hands off for Dh. She has mental issues but they are ignored and that's sad. For one thing she abuses Rx drugs. That's another story though.
     
  16. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

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    sounds like exile might be a good thing :rolleyes: My own mother has a problem with prescription drugs and treats me mucht he same as your mil treats you. I simply do not go around the woman unless I have to.
     
  17. big rockpile

    big rockpile If I need a Shelter

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    Thanks for reminding me why I don't want to ytravel with my Inlaws.

    big rockpile
     
  18. Bink

    Bink Well-Known Member

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    I am so lucky to have my mother-in-law. I'll have to be sure and tell her.
     
  19. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    Be the bigger person and the better adult and choose to not allow what a cranky, mean spirited, older woman thinks to be nothing more then the thoughts of cranky, mean spirited older woman.

    For the sake of your husband and your children, use her as an example of how to have compassion and understanding for others.

    After all YOU know your husbands educational level, and you know it's not a well balanced mother who would wish for her child to forfeit his own happiness and well being over her insecurities.

    Also, if you feel she is in anyway being neglected and abused, it's best to voice your thoughts to your husband, and let him decided for himself if something more needs to be done.


    Hugs
    Marlene
     
  20. Buffy in Dallas

    Buffy in Dallas Well-Known Member Supporter

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    >MIL had the heat on 82 and would not allow us to turn it off. She was cold. She had on two sets of long handles and sweats every day.<

    Sounds like a serious thyroid issue to me.