[TxMex]

This is pretty sad actually. Over 50% of Americans are now single.

I was recently sitting in a Denny's on Saturday morning in a large metropolitan location and noticed something odd. There were a lot of men with children. I mean enough that it was noticeable. Then it hit me. These were all Dad's that had their kids for weekend visitation. I even helped out a Dad that was kind of desperate when he sent his 3 yr old daughter into the ladies room and she didn't come out. She was having trouble reaching the sink and was just standing there when I went in to check on her.

It makes you wonder....why? What has so changed in our society since when we were kids that our societal makeup has changed this drastically?

I think a lot of it is that we are spoiled brats. Looking at folks younger than myself I only see this getting worse. We have been given or have assumed the attitude that we are to consider ourselves first. Do what feels good. Grab as much as you can for yourself and to heck with anyone else.

Article where I got the statistic from: http://dailysignal.com/2014/09/11/m...arried/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social

 

[moonwolf]

Why do you think it's 'sad' ?
It is merely a current statistic. A numbers game based on
Evolved societal norms about the demographics.
Whether more singles at this time, or not makes little
difference about life choices.

It may seem 'Sad' that more divorce brings more singles
into the demographic, but that doesn't necessarily mean
that those singles regret not being married.

 

[TxMex]

You have a point Moonwolf.

If you read the article it states that 75 percent of Americans would like to be married. So, apparently, many of those folks are not happy being single.

From a societal stand point marriage is preferable. In general, things are more stable with committed relationships. Statistically more well balanced children are raised to adulthood in stable 2 parent households.

The article states that statistically married people live longer, are happier and more prosperous than single people (apparently they didn't include my ex in the survey).

My statement about it being sad stems from this being a symptom of societal breakdown. There are many other symptoms as well of course.

 

[frogmammy]

Stats I read (quite!) some time ago said that married men were happier and lived longer than single men. Also said that single women were happier and lived longer than married women.

I guess this means men should marry each other?

Mon (I think they're already doing that in California!)

 

[moonwolf]

Stats are what they are.
Gauging individual happiness might influence some because of
the numbers, but it's up to each individual to constitute
what happiness is to them.
Abraham Lincoln famously stated something to the effect
that you are happy if you want to be. Nothing can MAKE
you happy, and that includes your state of being single or
married. If marriage ENHANCES someone's state of happiness
I might beleive that as much as I'll believe single people
can be happy IF they want to be.

 

[viggie]

We've made ourselves the victims of our own disposable society. Families, spouses, children, unborn children, lifelong commitments...all disposable. Trashed the moment they become inconvenient. We're teaching the next generations they mean no more than a paper coffee cup. Now that's truly frightening.

 

[bostonlesley]

Year ago, when many of you were learning how to tie your shoes, we women in our late 20's on up started to be told that we "deserved" to be happy ALL THE TIME..the solution, of course, to any unhappiness was to get a divorce,and go and "find" yourself..

Are you married and bored? Get a divorce..
Are you married and want more/better sex? Get a divorce..
Are you married and in a rut? Get a divorce..

The message went further..."You don't need a man in your life..it is preferable to get a job, make your own $, have your children in day care, be fulfilled, be a modern woman...blah de blah de blah.."

The "Feminist Movement" was news headlines several times a week...Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Bella Abzug, etc. said that women who enjoyed being wives and mothers were misguided slaves...enter the world of "person" vs man or woman...things went so far in a unisex direction that there was even a concentrated effort for years to have "manhole" covers changed to "person covers"...seriously...

and so society began to believe that marriage was nonessential, and archaic...the last straw for the American family ( now we're into my own opinions) was "no-fault divorce"...I have literally lost count of how many MEN that I personally have known over the last 30 years have awakened one morning to find their spouse and children gone, a summons for divorce hearing in the mail, and dumped so quickly into some serious poverty it made heads spin. You lose your family, your home, your savings and in many cases, your retirement pension, all because "I don't want to be married anymore."

No wonder the number of people marrying is at an all time low...who wants to risk everything they've worked for for years ...all it takes is "I'm bored" to ruin your life...

 

[doingitmyself]

Leslie that was very well said and i think very accurate. But I believe both sexes are equally to blame.

 

[Classof66]

Viggie, Add pets to that list.

 

[FarmboyBill]

Coluldnt have said it better Leslie.

 

[moonwolf]

We've made ourselves the victims of our own disposable society. Families, spouses, children, unborn children, lifelong commitments...all disposable. Trashed the moment they become inconvenient. We're teaching the next generations they mean no more than a paper coffee cup. Now that's truly frightening.

It is more and more obvious how our free societies monetize
and idolize. All around us it's just too easy to get distracted
enough to break down relationships.
My ex spouse after long term union simply found her distraction
to another man and lifestyle. After that, the disunion becomes
merely a process about 'who gets what'. I am glad that I
was able to buy out the homestead share she had and
continue being true to myself. Not that this has much to
add to the topic at hand, but my point is that it's not worth
dwelling on marriage or being single. I look to what a person
'IS' , and one must concern themselves with compatibility
in order to spend their lives together in a holy deadlock
determined by worthless vows and a legal document.

I have a neighbour who married after living together 2 0
Years. They did the ceremony and party for their family
and friends convenience. Their grown son did the same.
Maybe that's the way to do it?

 

[bostonlesley]

Leslie that was very well said and i think very accurate. But I believe both sexes are equally to blame.

It's just my world....I work mostly with other women..many of whom either date or have married a guy who has been divorced..since they're all much younger than myself, they have small children...every day I hear how hard it is for them to purchase a home or a car or put money away while paying huge chunks of child support as well as still paying the mortgage on a home where the ex and children live along with the boy friend...ouch.

 

[Oxankle]

Actually, the feminist movement freed men, not women. True, nowadays men sometimes have to pay child support, but men can also get free sex just about anywhere they choose. No need to marry--as Leslie points out, marriage now puts men at a disadvantage.

Why would a young man marry when he can get all the milk he wants without buying the cow? As a matter of fact, he can keep a cow for a few years and while he is still in his prime ditch the old one and get a much younger and more sprightly cow.

Only religion, convention and love argue for marriage, and loving a woman in this day and age is really a risk. Gloria Steinem did not do women any favors. Most of you single women out there will never again be married. You may shack up, but marriage?

How many of you seriously think you'll marry again?

If you are past 30, how many available, solvent, and worthwhile (unselfish, not boozers or druggies, and willing to bring his money home to mama) men are out there for you?

 

[rkintn]

Actually, the feminist movement freed men, not women. True, nowadays men sometimes have to pay child support, but men can also get free sex just about anywhere they choose. No need to marry--as Leslie points out, marriage now puts men at a disadvantage.

Why would a young man marry when he can get all the milk he wants without buying the cow? As a matter of fact, he can keep a cow for a few years and while he is still in his prime ditch the old one and get a much younger and more sprightly cow.

Only religion, convention and love argue for marriage, and loving a woman in this day and age is really a risk. Gloria Steinem did not do women any favors. Most of you single women out there will never again be married. You may shack up, but marriage?

How many of you seriously think you'll marry again?

I have no intention of ever marrying again. Why would I? I doubt that I'd even shack up. I like my space and my time to myself and not answering to anyone buy myself. Why would I risk giving all that up for a guy who only wants a few squeezes of milk before he's off to find the next heifer?

Looks like everyone loses. :/

 

[homefire2007]

The feminist movement was just fine by me. My mother was on the frontlines of it and I am better for it. Not to mention extremely proud of her. She raised four children alone working back-breaking jobs and hours men were better paid for. The way she saw it, she should be paid the same wages a man was. Nothing more, nothing less. She wasn't interested in finding herself..she just wanted a roof, food and a wage she could raise her children on.

One size does not fit all. Perhaps men and women are struggling to find their equilibrium at this time. Maybe it is more about ethics, integrity, personal responsibility and putting the hard work that involves into our spouses, children and community. As a child, we look to the adults in our lives for guidance and direction. If the adults don't have a clue...we are lost. The world is hard enough.

 

[TxMex]

How many of you seriously think you'll marry again?

If you are past 30, how many available, solvent, and worthwhile (unselfish, not boozers or druggies, and willing to bring his money home to mama) men are out there for you?

Thank you Oxankle. Guess I'll just go pour myself into a bottle of tequilla now. :buds:

 

[sustainabilly]

...The article states that statistically married people live longer, are happier and more prosperous than single people (apparently they didn't include my ex in the survey)...

How does one become statistically married? Must you be demographically well endowed? Close to the median age? Maybe you have to profess a belief in antinatalism? Is it even legal? Or can any ol' socioeconomically challenged fella get in on this...:hrm:? The only time I ever got married it was in front of a justice of the peace...:drum: Just sayin.

 

[CountryWannabe]

The message went further..."You don't need a man in your life..it is preferable to get a job, make your own $, have your children in day care, be fulfilled, be a modern woman...blah de blah de blah.."

When I was young (just about the time the earth started cooling) a woman was reliant on a man for everything she had or did. When I was in high school the boys education was geared towards making them ready to be doctors and lawyers and such (I had a scholarship to a semi-private HS populated by the rich and influential) and the girls were taught to be the wives of doctors and lawyers and such. I was not allowed to take science classes because that was "really not necessary". I did take a lot of "Domestic Science" classes, though :bored:. If I had a housekeeper I would know how to organize her day and (to be truthful) I still know how to manage a family budget.

When I left school I was educated for one thing. Being a wife and mother. Yay me!! Never mind that I was considered intelligent. My grades were always high, well above many of those future doctors and lawyers. The only openings in professional offices were for typists or (if you were really heading for old-maidship) secretaries. Salaries were laughable because it was thought that women only needed "pin money". Enough to keep her in baubles till she got married. If she wanted to make any sizeable purchase or even open a bank account she needed the signature (i.e. approval) of her father or her husband. It was stultifying and it was wrong.

The "Feminist Movement" was news headlines several times a week...Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Bella Abzug, etc. said that women who enjoyed being wives and mothers were misguided slaves...

My grandmother enjoyed being a wife and mother. But her husband treated her like an intelligent human being, rather than as the chief cook and bottle washer/bedwarmer. That was unusual in my experience. Mostly wives were expected to be seen and not heard. Domestic violence was hush-hush and the general thinking was that when it occurred she must have deserved it. It was legal for a man to beat his wife as long as he used a stick no bigger around than his thumb. Whilst I agree that the extremists were rather over the top, that was necessary at the time to shake up the apathy. Women were pretty brainwashed into thinking that the life they had was all there was. They were to make their husbands lives comfortable and to look presentable when company came. Remember the old song "Stay young and beautiful"? It goes on to say "It's your DUTY to be beautiful. Stay young and beautiful if you want to be loved" We've come a long way, baby.

and so society began to believe that marriage was nonessential, and archaic...the last straw for the American family ( now we're into my own opinions) was "no-fault divorce"...I have literally lost count of how many MEN that I personally have known over the last 30 years have awakened one morning to find their spouse and children gone, a summons for divorce hearing in the mail, and dumped so quickly into some serious poverty it made heads spin. You lose your family, your home, your savings and in many cases, your retirement pension, all because "I don't want to be married anymore."

I remember the days when one could not get a divorce other than on the grounds of **severe** spousal abuse (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?), intractable mental illness (had to have been institutionalized for ??5 years) or, I believe, infidelity. I would rather have the no-fault divorce than have to wait till I have been beaten almost to death or watch my spouse parade a string of infidelities before me before being able to file. If I could afford the lawyer, that is. Remember that women did not have their own money. Unless they secretly stashed bits away from the housekeeping.

No wonder the number of people marrying is at an all time low...who wants to risk everything they've worked for for years ...all it takes is "I'm bored" to ruin your life...

I prefer to think of it as that nowadays a person does not need to marry simply for stability. I have been married for coming up to 36 years now, to a man I love and to whom I **want** to be married. We are not forced to remain together by money or by law. Either one of us could up and leave and the other would be able to cope financially (women can plan their own finances now). We are together by mutual choice and mutual respect. However, it takes a certain maturity to realize that marriage isn't about "happy ever after" with no thought, care or effort. It's about a lot of hard work on the part of both partners. All the fairy tales and most films end at the marriage, when that is really the beginning. Until then you are carried along by roses and bluebirds, with the help of a few hormones. After the ceremony you realize there is nothing romantic about washing stinky socks or cleaning the house. Every. Single. Day. If that is all I had, I would be divorced by this afternoon.

Mary

 

[Terri]

Human society can be complicated: Both Bostonleslie and Countrywannabe are correct!

 

[doingitmyself]

Honestly, i think the biggest problem is a lot of younger men and women don't even respect themselves. They are like pouty children trying to have an adult relationship. They get some of this here, then go for some of that there. Very nearly like a honey bee collecting nectar. These younger wishy washy me me's change their minds every three days if they are off the meds.