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After reading some of the posts pertaining to our children and their decision making, I started thinking about the differences between my relationship with my parents and with my children. Also in my upbringing and that of my children.

My upbringing was not consistent. My parents divorced when I was almost 7. We moved from IL to PA. I was not told my parents were no longer together. I was told my Mom went shopping. She never returned. We got phonecalls from her after awhile and birthday and christmas gifts.

My older brother and I were raised by my Dad who brought in an old babysitter from IL to stay with us. She stayed in my room. Eventually they married and they had a son.

I was Daddy's girl. Big brother eventually moved to TX with my Mother. I moved in with my Mom for a year when I was 13. I didn't like it and moved back.

I had problems with school and with ppl sometimes(I didn't get in trouble). I was over emotional. As a teen in the early 80's. I smoked cigarettes I experimented with some drugs. I drank underage. I thought my parents were stupid and knew nothing. I rarely got caught doing anything wrong. I felt I couldn't talk to my parents. I did however miss out on the promiscuousness(sp) of the time. Tho I lost my virginity way too young, I realized it and didn't do anything again until I was deepley in love with my now DH. I quit doing drugs as a senior in High School. I just out grew it.

Now my children. Oldest 1st. My DS 16, isn't very social, doesn't do great in school, doesn't get into any trouble, isn't an athlete. He has a great open relationship with me, Has a wonderful sense of humor, Gets along well with adults and children, has a great repore(sp) with animals, is sensative and feels for others, and is very helpful to me. I think he is a great kid!!! Would like to see him and his father have a better relationship than DH had with his father.


Second, my DD 15. Knows it all. Does pretty descent in school. Has lots of friends AND lots of enemies. Belongs to a few after school activities. Has a close relationship with me. Drives her Daddy crazy. Her friends love me and talk to me about things they don't feel comfortable talking to their parents about. They all call me MOM and DD loves that. DD is hard headed, driven, VERY over emotional. Has a definate mind of her own. Hates to do things she asked to do, it always ends up being a big deal about nothing. Though she is harder to
deal with, I think she is pretty great too!!!!!!!

I like the fact that my kids feel very comfortable opening up to me. Allowing me to be part of their lives but know if asked I give motherly advise as I am not their friend I am their mother. I wish I had that kind of relationship with my parents.

Is it just the time period grew up and am raising my kids in? Or is it something else?

Is it the fact that my children haven't had to move during their childhood?

Or is it the fact that they never had to endure a divorse?

Of course that is not all the details of my growing up But some of the significant things.

What about the differences in your relationship with your children and your relationship with your parents when you were teens?
 

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Discussion Starter #2
also wanted to add. I am totally honest with my kids about my underage drinking and drug use as a teen. Also about the smoking as I still smoke. They have seen me try to quit and how rough it is. I tell them the problems caused by these things I did. The stupid things I did while under the influence. Time will tell if this was a good thing or not. But I think it was a good thing to do?
 

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trappmountain said:
Or is it the fact that they never had to endure a divorse?
I think divorce does terrible things to a child in most cases. I was a victim of divorce when my parents split and my brothers and I were used as pawns betweens our parents. It destroys your self confidence. During this time I went from a very out going happy kid with straight A's in high school to a D student who distrusted the world.

I too have been divorced. It was not something I wanted but learned that you can't control what others do or want and they can file for divorce and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I believe God created the divine institution of marriage between right man and right woman to last a life time.

I take full responsibility for my life as an adult but wish I could have grown up with loving, protecting, nuturing parents as a child.... I would have been a much different adult.

In spite of (or because of) it all and with God's help I now have a pretty good relationship with both of my parents. I have raised my 2 daughters and they both turned out well...one is a ER RN and the other a SAHM (soon to be mom of 5 as she is preg. with triplets !).
I also have 2 sons from my second marriage and I cherish each and every day with them...being an older mom does have it's advantages....I hope I have learned from my mistakes in life and my greatest hope is with God's help they will become confident, God-loving men.
 
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