This is going to be strange, I think

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by hoofinitnorth, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. hoofinitnorth

    hoofinitnorth Well-Known Member

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    My father-in-law passed away recently and while the in-laws have always been generous, often putting my husband in his father's discarded clothes, I think it is going to be strange when my husband goes down to pick up his dad's complete wardrobe.

    My mother-in-law spoke with my husband a few days ago and wondered when he plans to come down to clean out the closets as it is getting difficult for her to look at the clothes thinking Cal might still be coming home when she knows full well he isn't. (This is really the first sign I've seen of her letting people know she is letting it sink in and his absence is hurting her. Of cocurse she cried but she's terribly independant and wants help from no one so this was a big change to hear from her.)

    Anyway, we're ALL having a hard time with Cal's passing and I'm not sure my husband could bear to wear many of his clothes or that I could stand to see him in them, especially this soon. *sigh*
     
  2. FiddleKat

    FiddleKat Mother,Artist, Author Supporter

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    When my mom passed away, it will be two years this coming April. One of the first things my dad did with the help of one of my older brothers was to get rid of all my moms clothes. He did this the first two weeks after her passing. I think if he postponed doing it, it only would have been worse for him in the long run. So it would be good if your husband can go and help her do this. I don't think it would be a good idea for her to do this alone.
    Being the only daughter my dad asked me if I wanted my moms clothes. I said no, one because my mom had a different style of clothing than I have and two, I thought it was to "freaky" to wear my moms clothes now that she was gone. I felt it would be like a constant reminder that she was gone. I know that she is gone and won't be coming back. But it was just something strange about the thought of wearing her clothes.
     

  3. caroline00

    caroline00 Well-Known Member

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    well, as a gift to your MIL, go box them up and take them home. You dont have to open the boxes right away... when your husband needs the clothes, consider it a gift and honor to have them :)

    I'm sorry for your loss... it isnt easy to get over....
     
  4. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    Maybe after a bit, you could make a quilt out of some of the shirts/pants to remember his by without having to wear the clothes.

    Angie
     
  5. morrowsmowers

    morrowsmowers Well-Known Member

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    When my dad passed away in July we had to spend days cleaning out his mobile home -- boxes and boxes of papers and stuff and closets full of clothes. We went through all of the clothes and found only one item that was my size -- he was wearing 3x and 4x large sizes. The one item I found was a yellow knit vest for dress occassions -- not something I would normally every buy or wear but it was a good item and very expensive so I kept it. Have never had the change to wear it but it is there if the time comes. We donated all of his other clothes to charity in his area.

    Ken in Glassboro, NJ :)
     
  6. hoofinitnorth

    hoofinitnorth Well-Known Member

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    My husband's father always made it clear he wanted my husband to have his clothes and other certain things so it would be insulting not to accept them. We do plan to go help her get them boxed up soon and get them out of the house (or at least moved to another building on-site if we can't get them all here right away). Thankfully my husband had very similar sizing, build, & taste so the clothes are going to "fit" in more ways than one (except for the suits, lol). It's just sad and very hard.
     
  7. hoofinitnorth

    hoofinitnorth Well-Known Member

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    When we were there for the funeral my husband put on his dad's coat, hat, boots, and gloves to work outdoors for a bit. It was nothing out of the ordinary, but it sure made me sad to look at. It made him sad to wear them too, for the first time ever since he knows they weren't simply a gift, they will be his as a gift of death.
     
  8. susieM

    susieM Well-Known Member

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    I love it when people give me clothes. It reminds me of the giver....a wearable hug.
     
  9. Fla Gal

    Fla Gal Bunny Poo Monger Supporter

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    Aw Susie, you reminded me of when my Grandmother passed. The evening I learned of her passing, I finally shed tears when I had my head on the feather pillow she gave me and was in bed under the quilt she made me.

    It was the only wearable hug I ever got in my life. I felt secure and warm in that hug. It was a feeling of lots of love from Grandma.

    hoofinitnorth, as Angie suggested, maybe you could make a quilt out of those clothes and give it to your husband as a gift to remember his father by. He would probably feel surrounded by his father's love when he's falling asleep under it.
     
  10. Trevilians

    Trevilians Well-Known Member

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    When my grandmother passed away at 99, she had basically gone through all her money and didn't have anything left over to "give" to her family. However, we did go through her things and each of us took something as a "rememberance". The item I chose was one of her sweathers, so I could feel like I was getting a hug every time I wear it. It's one of my favorite pieces.
     
  11. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Roger's Dad has been gone a long time now and he still wears one of the jackets he was given. I think there is an old sweatshirt jacket somewhere too. It's okay with both of us.
     
  12. uncle Will in In.

    uncle Will in In. Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I get a feeling of being closer to my deceased brothers when I use anything that belonged to either of them. I wear my brothers watch and leather driving gloves every day. I carry ones pocket knife. It gives me a warm feeling to remember them regulary.
     
  13. Christine in OK

    Christine in OK Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My dad was never a snappy dresser. When I got married, I insisted he buy a new suit and not give me away in the manure-brown one he favored. I also insisted he get navy blue to bring out his eyes. He did, and it was beautiful on him - it is the suit we buried him in, and we actually used a tie that had been my husband's I gave daddy when we cleaned out Lance's closet.

    But not long after the funeral, we all met at my parent's house one day and helped my mom pack up to move out. She couldn't bear to stay there by herself, and there wasn't anyone who could continue to stay with her every night. Honestly, she needed to move - but back to the story. We all gathered in the bedroom and pulled out daddy's clothes one by one and as we were packing them we sorted through to see if there was anything any of us wanted to keep instead of donating. Almost every one of us took something - a favorite shirt, boots, a nice coat. But we laughed and cried and packed things away - it helped not only us kids, but mom too.

    It won't be easy, but if you can actually take the time to look through the things as you pack them away (if it's still too soon, just leave them packed for a couple of months), I think everyone will find a blessing and a "hug".
     
  14. OzarkHmsteaders

    OzarkHmsteaders HomesteadHopefuls

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    maybe you could take the clothes and in time, make a quilt out of them...
    then you would have a warm reminder of the closeness they shared.
    I'm sorry for your loss... Christine
     
  15. whiterock

    whiterock Well-Known Member Supporter

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    When my dad died, i was able to wear some of his clothes, mailny pants. I was much larger in the upper body. It made me feel good. Kinda felt like he was still around. Lost most of his stuff in the house fire, but still had some of his things in storage bldg. I have one of his work hats on the hat rack in my bedroom. A cattleman crease resistol, with imbedded grease stains where he held it while taking it off. I would fight over that old, dirty hat.
    Ed
     
  16. holleegee

    holleegee Well-Known Member

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    I saved my husbands grandpa's Hawaiian shirts and plan on making a quilt out of them someday. When my grandpa passed away we saved all of his ties and made grandma a tie quilt.
     
  17. tamsam

    tamsam Well-Known Member

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    When my dad passed mom wanted us to take his clothes out of the house. well none of my brothers wanted any of them so I ended up with all of them. A lot of them still had the tags on them as when he got shirts and things for christmas or birthdays he would hang them in his closet and not wear them until he wore out an item then would take one to replace it. I am basicly the same way. Well I felt honored to have his clothes and wear them as my dad was a great and loving man. Only problem was not remembering who gave him what. I tell you I got a lot of hugs from my sisters when they would see me in something they had given my dad. My dad passed in 1994 and I still have some of the jackets and a few hats of his and it still warms my heart to wear them. I hope your husband can enjoy his dads clothes as much as I did mine. It may also be good for his mom. Bless you and hope all goes well with moving them. Sam
     
  18. bugstabber

    bugstabber Chief cook & weed puller Supporter

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    If there's flannel or corduroy you could make teddy bears out of them, give them to other family members.
     
  19. hrslvrtrailridr

    hrslvrtrailridr Well-Known Member

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    Precious and dear are the memories and mementos left behind. Grief takes time. I find the difficult part is not so much the items, it's the sorting through all of it. I like having memories around of loved ones lost, never forgotten.
    sigh.
     
  20. Westwood

    Westwood Well-Known Member

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    When dad died, mom gave me the clothes of his that weren't too small for me to wear. He had a dress jacket, white/black/tiny red fleck tweed kind of thing I wore until it was nearly worn out. Still have the ceramic dog to park my watch, keys, etc. Of course I also inherited my grandfather's brass knuckles from him too. ;) Lots of little things I treasure that remind me of him every day.