[moopups]

They have too much room, they are trying to train you to cater to them. This is a problem that is surfacing too much.

This is a problem that is making this country less than it once was. You can be the correcting factor. As a matter fact its in the requirements. Stop listening to the 'experts', their salary is based on how effective they are, a misjudged awareness. Drop the hammer and get real.

Immature persons cannot run this place, mature people have to gain re-control, or your off springs will fail completely. As in starve, be dominated, subjects of the new world order (notice the lack of capitalization and lack of respect for such an organization), its your choice.

(Hint, the world leaders are members, including - you know who).

 

[trixiwick]

Oooh, moopups, you hit on something I've been thinking about lately. It does seem clear to me that a lot of parents anymore make their children the center of their lives, and this did not used to be the case. Parents once understood their responsibility to their children in long-term generalities (a stable marriage, a grounding in faith, an education, money in the bank, food on the table) but not in moment-to-moment servitude. Nowadays, too many parents see "making the children happy" as a mandate to satisfy every momentary whim and desire their kid has, and the household life then revolves around them and their interests and moods. That's nuts.

Used to be that adults and their desires are what counted, and that's what made it worthwhile to be an adult. Unsurprisingly, since children and their desires have climbed atop the roost, adults now no longer want to be adults - they want to stay children. Predictable results ensue.

Sigh.

 

[JJ Grandits]

I'd love to answer but my daughter wants the computer.

 

[moopups]

JJG, whos in charge in your house?

 

[bumpus]

.
Children are trying to control everything, and the parents are giving them the chance to succeed which is how they control the parents but they can't take care of themselves.

Many of these parents were raised the same way and it is getting worse and worse.
Some children even hit there parents and they get by with it because the parents let them.

That is what is happening and the parent are not raising there children the TV, Psycho doctors, and some false religious followings are even destroying the minds of children.

It does not take a village to raise a child it takes a parent that knows how.
Then you won't have rebellious children, that are not being controlled.

The village can't even raise there own children they just let them run wild, with no supervision.


Children won't be back talking parents, and getting by with it.

Love does not mean you give them everything they want.

That is why they won't work.

Children learn how to manipulate parent to get what they want. They whine and say PLEASE until the parent gives in and lets the child have it's own way.

They are afraid they will hurt the little kids feelings.

Better hurt today that sorry down the road in life.

Children at 18 still act like little kids that never grew up, and have no responsibility, and could care less.

When tough times come ( and they will ) they fall apart.

Train up a child in the way they should go.

Don't train up a child in the way they want to go, which is happening to day.

With no discipline you have the mess that is going on today.


bumpus
.

 

[JJ Grandits]

Only kidding! If any of my children tried to treat me like a doormat they All know it would not fare well for them. I think half the problem is people being over reactive. "Billy's teacher sent a note home and now he's scarred for life and I'm a bad mother, what can I do?" Give me a break.

 

[bumpus]

I'd love to answer but my daughter wants the computer.

Teach her to be patient, or do with out.

You bought the computer

bumpus
.

 

[Oggie]

It's important to break your children's spirit early on.

Then you can mold them into what you want them to be.

 

[bumpus]

.
Children have been given so much in life and everything that they want, and not made to earn anything for themselves.

That is why they do not want to have or raise any children of there own, because they don't want to be deprived of what they want in life which is just fun and games.

To them a child would be an add problem to the expenses and take from there give me, give me, I want, life style that Mon and Dad gave them.

Children are not in there budget, and are just a drag on there future.


bumpus
.

 

[JJ Grandits]

Please define breaking their spirit? Is respecting and obeying their parents breaking their spirit? If the spirit of a child is to be a self centered, spoiled little brat who expects the world to be at his/her beck and call for their own pleasure then guess what? Somethings getting broken. I am not their buddy or their best friend or thier slave, I'm their father. My job is to do the best I can to turn them into responsible adults.

 

[Ezrandi]

Im so sad I lost my post..

Im not going to sit and retype it from memory.. so Im just going to summarize.

Children deserve the right to be heard (as long as they are speaking in a respectful manner),
They deserve the right to freedoms, (as long as they dont infringe on anyone elses freedoms)
They deserve the right to have a hand in their own destiny, especially since that is what Childhood is.. a chance for them to practice making descisions in a safe envirorment.

I Don't believe that the old way is correct.. Might makes Right, You'll do it because I said so, etc...

I also don't believe that the New way is correct.. Whining makes right, You'll do it because you want to...

There has to be boundaries.. There has to be Freedom, There has to be consequences, and There has to be love!


there's my 2 cents worth..

 

[mwhit]

I agree! My children do not run the show. I make sure they have necessities, but I don't wait on them or give in to their whims and I'm always consistent. Sometimes it's hard, but it is in their best interest to make rules and stick to them. Of course, DH doesn't undermine me either-- I wouldn't stand for that.

I've read some posts here that make me want to scream WHO IS THE GROWN-UP?? Mothers shouldn't sit and cry when their kids act up. Mothers (and fathers) need to make their children understand that the world doesn't revolve around them. Parents should work to make sure their children are productive members of society-- not little sniveling brats who expect everything handed to them.

It would be a cold day in you know where that my children gave me orders or I went to school and yelled at teachers for expecting my child to behave like a human. Parents seem to think they need to fight every little battle for their kids-- I'm so amazed when I hear about a child being upset with a friend over something silly and the parents feel the need to call the other parents and discuss it?? That just causes more problems for the poor kid and teaches them that mommy will make everything better all the time.

My sister is a perfect example of this-- her girls are horrid. Her 7 year old goes into screaming tantrums and instead of dealing with it she cries or calls me?? I've had to go to her house and spank the little brats behind, bring her here and make her sit on my couch. She knows better than to hit, kick, scream or bite at me... the problem is that my sister isn't consistent, she lets the girls tell her what to do and they are only 4 and 7. I've told her she better get a grip, be a grown-up and make them mind or she's going to have major problems down the road. Doesn't seem to sink in though...

Michelle

 

[chickenmommy]

A certain amount of fear of ones parents (disappointing them, embarrassing them, angering them) goes a long way. Fear of getting beaten should never enter the equation, but fear of losing privileges, fear of losing prized possessions for a specified amount of time, and fear of the parents not being as loving and nice (as in "I don't even want to look at you for an hour!") until they get over the indiscretion, should be part of a child's life. It gives them incentive to do well.

 

[Oggie]

Please define breaking their spirit? Is respecting and obeying their parents breaking their spirit? If the spirit of a child is to be a self centered, spoiled little brat who expects the world to be at his/her beck and call for their own pleasure then guess what? Somethings getting broken. I am not their buddy or their best friend or thier slave, I'm their father. My job is to do the best I can to turn them into responsible adults.

Sorry, it was sort of a joke (and sort of not).

I though I'd type two sentences that pretty much summarize the heavy-handed "my way or the highway" parenting that some of us grew up with.

It's impossible to condense what good parenting is into a few sentences, or even a book, for that matter. The most important aspect is commitment. That is, the commitment to spend the time teaching your children how to behave and relate to the world, and also the commitment to spend the time learning just how to do that. Let's not forget, it's a learning experience for children and parents.

Our children are well-behaved most of the time. That's probably because we're well-behaved most of the time. We allow them to explore life and who they are while, at the same time, setting age-appropriate boundaries. We are, after all the adults in this relationship. But we are also still learning with each new situation. My wife is better than I am at doing the research and reading about parenting. We work together most of the time, waiting for "teachable moments" and deciding how they will be handled. For me, it's something that has to be examined every day. And it is work. I thing that few people are born with some inert parenting gene that kicks in when they have a child.

But I'm afraid that most people put more thought into buying a car than by what methods they will use to raise their children. So, they either choose the way they were raised (which may or may not be good) or they ignore the children and hope that they will just grow up.

 

[Ardie/WI]

Oh Mitch, you hit on something that I think about often!

The young people out here in the country are, for the most part, hard working, well mannered, honest, kind children. They are brought up well.

But, I read horror stories here and in other forums and I shake my head in disbelief. If you or I would have done half of the stuff parents complain about, we'd have been dead!

Granted, your mother and mine were 100% nutcases, but somewhere along the line we learned self discipline and respect.

 

[Anita in NC]

Parents just need to get a back bone. We aren't there to be our kids best friend. We are there to teach them what they need to know to succeed in life.

When the boys, DS11, 7 and 3, don't seem very willing to do their chores I just tell them, "no work, no food." Just like in real life. Works every time here.

When the boys don't want to clean their room I offer to do it for them, which means everything is going in the trash - never to been cleaned up again, they always clean it up themselves - even the 3 year old.

When I say this is your punishment, I mean it.

My kids are very hard working, respectful and independent.

 

[Hip_Shot_Hanna]

Well said Mitch.

My pediatrician told me a long time ago (very long time as my oldest is now almost 32)

That the child needs to learn to fit into the parents home life.

Note, he didn't say that the parents need to learn to change their whole life to revolve around the child!

Of course a child changes one's lifestyle - BUT. The child should not become the parent's sole reason for living.

Too many people treat their children as pets or toys - no responsibility is assigned to them.

 

[gardenmom]

When my dgd (age 7) throws one of her very dramatic, frequent fits, I have heard my dil ask, "What can I do to make you happy"?. ARRRRRRGH!!!!!! This drives me NUTS.
Then dil will call me and ask for advice in dealing with the kids - ages 7 and 3. I have learned that she is not going to follow that advice so why bother?
When dgd is with me, she is sweet tempered and well behaved. Once or twice she has started to throw a fit; I give her "the look" and calmly say, "No fits" Works every time because she knows I don't threaten or negotiate ( or count to three). I try to let her see the joy I feel in her presence and how much I enjoy teaching her how to behave, but as 7 she has to learn to fit into the family's life not the other way around.
This home is NOT a democracy!

 

[Melissa]

Well I have always told my kids that I own the air they breathe and not to ever forget it!

 

[bumpus]

A certain amount of fear of ones parents (disappointing them, embarrassing them, angering them) goes a long way. Fear of getting beaten should never enter the equation, but fear of losing privileges, fear of losing prized possessions for a specified amount of time, and fear of the parents not being as loving and nice (as in "I don't even want to look at you for an hour!") until they get over the indiscretion, should be part of a child's life. It gives them incentive to do well.

I don't believe any of that would have worked for use 3 kids or most of the kids in our neighborhood either.

Fear of getting beaten should never enter the equation

We all got whippings that was the only thing that got our attention and made us mind.

but fear of losing privileges,

Did not have much of that, did not consider work as a privilege and they were not going to stop that as punishment either.

fear of losing prized possessions for a specified amount of time,

Did not mean much we weren't using them anyway.

fear of the parents not being as loving and nice (as in "I don't even want to look at you for an hour!") until they get over the indiscretion, should be part of a child's life. It gives them incentive to do well

This was an every day thing almost.
Dad was gone to work all day and we were in school and did not see Mom so what is one or two more hours if we got by with doing wrong. It would have ment nothing.

Never would have worked.

It gives them incentive to do well

Don't see how any of that does any good.

Unless the company they go to work for says get out of my sight for an hour while I think about it as your punishment for being late for work every day.

Think they will get a raise and better position with the company that way ?

Oh by the way when Mom or Dad said to do something they did not
stand there and count 1 ---- 2 ---- 3 --- we knew to move, and do what we were told and not stand around and just think about it, and do it when we felt like either.

We learned early in life when the belt came off
it was already to late just ... get ready ! ! !


bumpus
.