Ok, I just can't help myself........... Farmer goes into the implement dealer and tells the dealer that he needs a milking machine. The dealer tells him that he is out of his mind, he only has one cow, and the expense would be more than the cow was worth, and that the money would be better spent on a new tractor. Farmer tells the dealer that he doesn't care, and he wants a milking machine. The dealer says, listen, you would need to install airlines, electyical, milk lines, a bulk tank and cooler, filters, and a cleaning system, and it would cost a ton, and you would get much more value out of a new tractor. Farmer tells him that he don't care, he wants a milking machine. Now the dealer, being a member of the comunity and an extremely ethical person, tells the farmer that he would not feel right profiting from such a transaction, and will in fact not sell the farmer a milking machine, unless the farmer can provide a good reason why he really needs a milking machine.
The farmer says..." Well, I was milkin' the old girl this morning, and she kicked the bucket over. Thinks I, I'll fix the old bag, and I ties her hind leg back to a post. I sits down, and comences to milk agin, and (darned if I know how) she manages to kick the bucket over with her other foot. Thinks I, I'll fix her good, and I tie her other leg back. I sits down, and starts to milk, and danged if the old wench starts swinging her crap encrusted tail in my face. I gets aholt of the tail and tie a twine string around it, set a bucket upside down, stood on it and ties her tail up to a floor joist above her. After all this activity, nature called, and standing behind the cow on the bucket as I was, I just whipped it out, and started to do my business. About that time, my wife walked into the barn.................IF YOU CAN CONVINCE HER I WAS MILKING THAT COW I'LL BUY YOUR DAMNED TRACTOR!"