Homesteading Forum banner
1 - 20 of 56 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
247 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have to be honest. I am having trouble with this Mom. A few years ago her spoiled daughter was very mean to my dd. It was classic, she handed out birthday invites to all the girls at church in front of my DD and then looked at DD and said "you don't get one!". I asked about it, two other girls said it was true. I called the girls mother and she went balastic on me, saying that my DD was lieing.

I wrote the lady off. Fast forward to today, this girls is still spoiled and has absolutely no friends. But, when this girl does rude things, NOBODY calls her or her parents on it. This mom has cried and asked for prayer tons of time because her daughter "was done wrong", but nobody will tell her the truth.
This spoiled girl has called girls names, and has really treated many girls very badly. She always goes for the new girl at church, becomes buddy buddy with her then stabs her in the back.

Why don't we as parents at least try to talk to other parents? Isn't this part of being responsible? And, what if we saw another child doing something illegal, shouldn't we at least try to get the parents then? Today, this Mom wants to be friends with me, I want no part of it.

Tell me, what do you think?

a1
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,476 Posts
a1cowmilker said:
Why don't we as parents at least try to talk to other parents? Isn't this part of being responsible? And, what if we saw another child doing something illegal, shouldn't we at least try to get the parents then?
Tell me, what do you think?

a1
I think you answered your own question here:
I called the girls mother and she went balastic on me, saying that my DD was lieing.
 

·
Accidental Farmer
Joined
·
14,837 Posts
If someone was messin' with my kid (When I have em) I would definitely let the parent know. I'd be adult about it and not get angry and yell or anything, but see if we could somehow work it out between the kids--I think a lot of people are afraid to get in other peoples cases, and just want to let the kids work it out for themselves, but if there is some serious bullying going on, parents SHOULD get involved.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,037 Posts
My "three question response".....
1. Is what she doing a danger physically to herself or someone else?
2. Is what she doing a danger to her property or somone elses?
3. Is what she doing illegal?

Any "yes" answer means Yes you speak out/report
A "no" answer means it's none of your business...........
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,289 Posts
I would teach my child to take care of herself/himself in a situation like this.

You can't prevent all unfairness in a child's life....when they grow up the unfairness continues and they need to know how to deal with it. They will not be invited to every birthday party that's celebrated around them throughout their life.

Calling parents and tattling on their children is not something that I would do....unless they were doing physical harm to others.
 

·
Halfway, OR & Wagoner, OK
Joined
·
3,306 Posts
It happens to all kids. I can remember my daughter and her boyfriend being left out on high school things because they were considered "prudes" because they didn't drink.

They also got passed over for some high school honors because they weren't "somebodies".

Hey, I told them the truth: I don't care if you're the biggest deal to ever hit this town--in the big world, you're still a no=body.

It all evened out in the end--the boy was voted KING of his graduating class at homecoming. And my daughter, well, you can't argue with excellence--it speaks for itself.

These things happen, it all comes out in the wash. Tell your daughter to watch what happens to this spoiled rotten girl. She will never grow up happy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,534 Posts
PinkBat said:
I would teach my child to take care of herself/himself in a situation like this.

You can't prevent all unfairness in a child's life....when they grow up the unfairness continues and they need to know how to deal with it. They will not be invited to every birthday party that's celebrated around them throughout their life.

Calling parents and tattling on their children is not something that I would do....unless they were doing physical harm to others.

I agree with you, but i also understand the moms point of view, to boldly look the girl in the face in front of other kids and say your not invited to my party is down right mean.. This girls mom must be totally blind to how her daughter is acting. I'm not sure how i would handle that either, i would want her to fight her own battles, but i would probably be mad enough to want to say something too..
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,808 Posts
I will freely call your kid a spoiled evil brat to your face, my life is to short to deal with your defective children or your lack of parenting skills.

tell mom? heck, tell everyone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,582 Posts
I don't think it is your business. I would teach my child how to deal with this situation.
 

·
Suburban Homesteader
Joined
·
2,558 Posts
When I was a kid, I was constantly teased by a large group of kids at school. No physical harm was done; my clothing was made fun of, I was the butt of lots of fat jokes, etc. In 6th grade we had a gift exchange in class, the guy who was my partner bought me this ugly pink stuffed pig. It was so bad that my folks had me transferred to another school. But guess what? I still was fat and dressed funny, and the problems just picked up at the new school with different kids.

My folks bit their tongues and let me handle it my own way. If I was upset because of something someone said, they gave me sympathy and hugs and explained that the person who was being mean was probably a very unhappy boy or girl who could only feel better about him/herself by trying to make others feel bad. I developed a very thick skin and an attitude that I don't care WHAT other people think of me. Peer pressure? Nope, didn't even know what that was.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,316 Posts
comfortablynumb said:
I will freely call your kid a spoiled evil brat to your face, my life is to short to deal with your defective children or your lack of parenting skills.

tell mom? heck, tell everyone.
This would be me, too!!! The older I get the less I tolerate. I didn't allow my daughter to act up in public, nor is my granddaughter allowed to do the same, so why should I tolerate it from anyone else's child? And yes, I have spoken up in public to their face and called them on the child's behavior and their own.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,794 Posts
PinkBat said:
I would teach my child to take care of herself/himself in a situation like this.

You can't prevent all unfairness in a child's life....when they grow up the unfairness continues and they need to know how to deal with it. They will not be invited to every birthday party that's celebrated around them throughout their life.

Calling parents and tattling on their children is not something that I would do....unless they were doing physical harm to others.
I think my own opinion lies between this answer and comfortably numbs.

Let your kid and all the other kids figure out how to handle life, including peers, adults, authority figures, bad teachers, everything. That's life. teach your children how to deal with it gracefully.

Pat
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,228 Posts
You did try telling the mother once about her DD's bad behavior and look how she reacted. I doubt you are the only one who's told her about her daughter's snotty behavior.

Now she wants to be friends with you? Be honest and direct and in her face. "I don't wish to be friends with you because the nuts don't fall far from the tree."
 

·
In Memorium
Joined
·
15,516 Posts
Laura said:
You did try telling the mother once about her DD's bad behavior and look how she reacted. I doubt you are the only one who's told her about her daughter's snotty behavior.

Now she wants to be friends with you? Be honest and direct and in her face. "I don't wish to be friends with you because the nuts don't fall far from the tree."
I agree. At least that's how I'd handle the mother's attempts at friendship.

As for the nasty daughter of the woman, teach your DD that that girl is a very unhappy person and her opinion isn't worth anything.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
746 Posts
comfortablynumb said:
I will freely call your kid a spoiled evil brat to your face, my life is to short to deal with your defective children or your lack of parenting skills.

tell mom? heck, tell everyone.
I'm beginning to like this guy.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,031 Posts
I guess I'd deal with it differently depending on circumstances. My sister was the "victim" of a girl in her class for years. The brat would tell the other girls that if they played with my ds she wouldn't like them and they caved. This brat always had several bully buddies to back her up and they made my sister's life miserable. To this day ds lacks in self confidence, is ackward in social situations, always thinks others don't like her, etc. This same brat decided to try it on me when she was an 8th grader and I was a freshman (the same age but a lot smaller than her). She quickly found out that I was a VERY different temperment. I didn't hit her but I backed her into a corner with my fist in her face while her buddies ran for cover. I suggested that she might want to leave me alone and my sister too.

When one girl started calling my dd n****er in kindergarton, I went first to the teacher then to the principal. When they did nothing to stop it, I told dd next time A calls you that clobber her. I also told the teacher and principal that since they wouldn't deal with it I didn't want any trouble for dd when she did. I felt sorry for A because at that age she obviously was repeating what she heard at home, but it needed to stop. DD got her point across with one blow. Normally I don't encourage fighting, but I also believe a person has the right to defend themselves.

If the girls just see each other at church, and the rest of the kids are not joining in the torment, then I think I'd leave it to the kids. If it is affecting your dd's life in a negative way, I'd act. Maybe talk to the pastor first and ask his suggestions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
My daughter had learning difficulties stemming from ADHD as she grew up. Over the years there were many children who liked to bait her. I told her that "There were more horses rear ends than horses in this life and you can't fool the little black flies. They were just showing off their lack of intelligence in their behavior and to not let it bother her as it was their problem in life and not hers." Seems it must have done some good as she is a resilient, well adjusted young woman today of 30 and accepts herself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
In junior high my daughter encountered a girl like this. I think there were deep psychological issues as well with that child. No one liked the girl...so I made my daughter invite her to her birthday party...much to my daughter's chagrin. The party went well...no major dust ups. That Monday, when my daughter came home from school she said the girl had been twice as mean to her than before. They had even been into a scuffle leaving them both in the office for the day.

I walked over to the girl's mothers house...first the girl shut the door in my face. You all pretty know me on this board by now...that was not going to fly. So I stood there beating and banging on the door until the mother came to the door herself. I asked her what the heck the problem was that her daughter had attacked my daughter after we had gone out of our way to be nice to her. The mother showed me her arm and said.

"She beats me up too."

I could not believe it!! This kid was 12.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
23,906 Posts
I've done a bit of work in the area of bullying, and it is very important for the adults to take a stand and educate their children on how to deal with the bullying behavior.

It's all about accountability.

Do not tolerate bullying -- ever. Some people say, "Ignore it," but that only gives tacit approval of the bullying. "Let the kids handle it." :nono: No way! The kids need to be taught how to deal with this.

Adults in positions of authority need to be held accountable, too. If your child is being bullied in school, the staff/teachers/principals are all obligated BY LAW to make sure your child is in a physically and emotionally safe environment. If they do not provide that, you need to keep moving up the food chain until you get satisfaction.

If your child is the bully, if your child is the bullied, if your child is a witness to bullying -- it WILL have an effect on your child.

Oh, and BTW... It's not necessarily true that bullies are unhappy people. Many bullies totally get their jollies by being cruel. They are often successful students, and go on to be successful in the eyes of the world. They need to be held accountable for their actions.

http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/

Pony!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
Pony said:
I've done a bit of work in the area of bullying, and it is very important for the adults to take a stand and educate their children on how to deal with the bullying behavior.

It's all about accountability.

Do not tolerate bullying -- ever. Some people say, "Ignore it," but that only gives tacit approval of the bullying. "Let the kids handle it." :nono: No way! The kids need to be taught how to deal with this.

Adults in positions of authority need to be held accountable, too. If your child is being bullied in school, the staff/teachers/principals are all obligated BY LAW to make sure your child is in a physically and emotionally safe environment. If they do not provide that, you need to keep moving up the food chain until you get satisfaction.



If your child is the bully, if your child is the bullied, if your child is a witness to bullying -- it WILL have an effect on your child.

Oh, and BTW... It's not necessarily true that bullies are unhappy people. Many bullies totally get their jollies by being cruel. They are often successful students, and go on to be successful in the eyes of the world. They need to be held accountable for their actions.

http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/

Pony!



From what I have heard...and read...Bush was quite the bully in school. In life you can pretty much tell who was a bully in school and who was not. I do not mean to make generalizations...so if it don't apply, let it fly, but many people in managerial positions...CEO's...etc were bullies..that is how they get to the top. Meek and humble....mail room clerk.
 
1 - 20 of 56 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top