Still learning to parent

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Cheryl in SD, Dec 11, 2006.

  1. Cheryl in SD

    Cheryl in SD Living in the Hills Supporter

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    I was reminded about the differences betweem mom's styles & dad's & what girls & boys want from them this weekend.

    My ds came upstairs fussing (ok, howling like a stuck pig) and dh & I went to check him out. He finally told us what happened. He was milking the goat, something he actually likes to do, and the goat kicked him. We tried to see an injury, but there wasn't even a spot.

    I opened my mouth to say, "Melissa, would you go finish the milking?" When dh spoke up, "Son, you aren't bleeding, quit complaining, take it like a man and go get the job done."

    I was horrified, but my ds stopped howling, stared at dh, turned and went to do it. I was still fuming 10 minutes later about my dh's lack of sensitivity when ds showed up SINGING, & whistling a Christmas song. I started to fuss over him & he informed me that nothing hurt!!! No bruise or anything. and went to wrestle with Dad.

    Now how did dh know that??? Dh told me that once he knew that ds wasn't hurt he figured it was just his frustration with the goat coming out & he needed to learn that frustration was not an excuse to quit on the job.

    Then we had a good conversation on what kids need from each parent. I sure do love my guy!
     
  2. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    Interesting!

    I've always tried to use a similar style. You know, especially when kids are little, they look to parents to find out whether or not they should even be upset about those minor boo-boos. Ever see a kid fall down and look at mom to gauge her reaction? If she rushes over with her arms out, the kid will start wailing. If she just says "oops, get back up," he will.

    Just today my 8 year old son came inside whining about a little scratch on his shin. Yes, it was bleeding, but so? It was a *little* scratch. I told him to clean it, put some Neosporin on and put on a Band-Aid. You'd have thought, from his reaction, that he'd broken his leg and I told him I didn't care. He wasn't crying, but he sure was acting helpless.

    Now, in our house, DAD is the enabler when it comes to milking the illnesses and boo-boos. Every sniffle is pneumonia. Every cut might require an ER trip and stitches. Every bruise might require X-rays.

    Unfortunately, he's rarely willing to be the one actually *treating* the illnesses or taking the kids to the ER. Funny how that works, eh?

    I stood my ground. What was the worst thing that could happen if poor little DS didn't put on the ointment and a band-aid? He'd get a scab and life would progress. So after the boy made a show of how sad it was that mommy wasn't going to baby him anymore...and how hard it was (gasp, sniffle) getting older...and a few complaints about how his sister bosses him around thrown in for good measure...he put on the band-aid and about 10 minutes later was in the living room wrestling a dog.
     

  3. midwsthomestead

    midwsthomestead joy seeker

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    Yep, oftentimes, just a lit'l acknowledgement that they got hurt n twill be fine is all that's needed. It's our job as parents to learn to figure out what's needed when--too bad the wee ones don't come with manuals! :rolleyes:

    ~~
     
  4. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    Kids are soooo smart -- they just seem to know it's an act of love for mom to baby them a little, and an act of love from dad to make 'em a little tougher :)

    Hugs
    marlene
     
  5. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

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    I don't think that is necessarily a gender thing. As I, the mom, would tell the boys to suck it up and go back outside. If there is no blood, I might give the booboo a quick rub and send them on their way.

    When DS 7 fell off his bike yesterday and was crying it was DH that was giving him a hug. Of cause if DS didn't throw himself off his bike while it is moving he wouldn't get a booboo. He's figured out how to ride the new bike but not the stopping part. :shrug:
     
  6. michiganfarmer

    michiganfarmer Max Supporter

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    My wife gets mad at me for telling the kids to suck it up, and quit crying. I think kids are looking to us for information about whether or not the injury is serious, and feel better just with the knowledge either way.
     
  7. Tracy Rimmer

    Tracy Rimmer CF, Classroom & Books Mod Supporter

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    I might be heartless, but around here, there'd better be blood (lots of it), gravel (imbedded), or flames if they come crying. My boys know that hugs are free and abundant, and we say "I love you" to each other several times daily (and mean it), but when it comes to physical ailments, I refuse to raise the type of man (or woman, if I had had girls) who lets something like a bump or scratch turn into a Worker's Compensation issue. If you're sick, go to bed, but don't whine about it.

    My kids are pretty good, too. My youngest will sometimes come to me with a problem, like a hangnail or something, that "hurts". I can relate, and offer the Germoline and a bandaid. But pointing at a non-existent injury and wailing doesn't achieve much around here. Hurt pride can't be cured with a bandaid anyhow -- you have to get back out there and do what you meant to do in the first place, and do it right. Satisfaction in a job well done cures most pride issues.

    Parenting certainly is a learning process. I would never have thought that I wouldn't be a "gushy" kind of mother, but I'm raising my boys to be strong and independent, and I've seen too many examples of pampered mama's boys to allow that to happen to my kids.
     
  8. roadless

    roadless Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Tracy, I like your approach..it doesn't sound heartless to me ...it sounds like common sense!
     
  9. Dente deLion

    Dente deLion Well-Known Member

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    Yesterday DS and I were checking out of a store when I dropped something and he went to pick it up for me. I cautioned him to watch his head as he stood up, but of course, whammo, right into the counter. He looked startled for just a sec and looked at me. I smiled and said, "Bonk!" and he started giggling. The cashier kept saying, "Are you alright? Are you sure you're alright?" DS said, "It doesn't hurt, it wasn't a real bad bonk." And I said, "Don't worry, he has a skull of steel. It comes standard on boys."
     
  10. gccrook

    gccrook Well-Known Member

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    Anymore, my kids (13 and 14) don't even let us know when they have injured themselves. They just fix it and go on. Sometimes I find out several days later, because they did not do a good job of taking care of it. I usually encourage them to at least let us know when they have injured themselves. I suppose I was pretty uncaring as they were little and they now don't take injuries very seroiusly unless it incapacitates them to some degree. I actually saw my youngest take waht looked like a nasty spill from his bike the other day, and hollered at him to see if he was alright. He jumped back up and went on.