Should They Know The Truth

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by big rockpile, Dec 14, 2006.

  1. big rockpile

    big rockpile If I need a Shelter

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    My Inlaws took my nephews away from my SIL when they was young by tricking her.

    I know you are saying how did they do this? Well my SIL came from California to visit them.She got ready to leave.She had to fill her Van up with Gas.So she left the Kids with her Parents,while she run into town.

    She came back.They told her to go back home she wasn't getting her kids.Well she went and got the Sheriff.They told her to go home and get a Lawyer.She came to my house got me,I went over to my Inlaws,told them to give her Kids back.They told me they wasn't going to and to get off their property.

    Well my SIL did as the Sheriff told her.But soon as she crossed State Line,my Inlaws went up Filed Charges on her for abandoning her kids.

    They went to Court got Custody,while my SIL was in the Hospital in California so she couldn't get to Court.

    Now the thing is I hear my MIL telling my nephews all the time how their Mother didn't want them.So they hate their Mom.

    Its been over 15 years.Should I tell these Guys the truth? I'm not really sure they would believe me.

    Believe it or not but she tried the same thing with me and my wife and our kids.Then she has guts enough complaining about raising her Grandkids. :flame:

    big rockpile
     
  2. Cheryl in SD

    Cheryl in SD Living in the Hills Supporter

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    How old are they? Would your SIL want you to?

    I guess at this point I would wait until they are old enough (18) that they can contact their mom if they want to. I would also get the facts & any documentation to support it you can & let them see the truth.

    What does your wife say?
     

  3. big rockpile

    big rockpile If I need a Shelter

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    Well they are in their 20's.They know where their Mom is.

    I don't know I just feel it is sad.

    big rockpile
     
  4. Pony

    Pony Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Dang.

    I guess the question is, if it was you, would you want to know?

    Pony!
     
  5. big rockpile

    big rockpile If I need a Shelter

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    Well we didn't talk to my Inlaws for years after that.Then they show up on our door step like nothing ever happened.

    Everything seems cool the way things are right now.But it just gripes me everytime my MIL openes her mouth on the subject.

    If I did say anything I know it would cause trouble.

    big rockpile
     
  6. frazzlehead

    frazzlehead AppleJackCreek Supporter

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    If they found out later, from someone else, that you'd known all along and not told them, would they feel like you betrayed them, or like you protected them?

    If it was me, I'd want to hear your point of view - I'd probably not believe it, having been told I was abandoned (I mean, who'd believe their grandparents would STEAL them and get away with it??) but it might get them thinking.

    Besides, do you care if you cause 'trouble' with the inlaws? Doesn't sound like they're high on your list of people to impress. :)
     
  7. Reptyle

    Reptyle Well-Known Member

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    I do believe someone would have to die in that situation, had it been my kids...If someone other than me is gonna raise them anyway, it certainly wouldn't be the people who stole them...
     
  8. seedspreader

    seedspreader AFKA ZealYouthGuy

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    If she had a decent lawyer they would have rescheduled the hearing knowing she was in the hospital.
     
  9. big rockpile

    big rockpile If I need a Shelter

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    I don't know for sure.But she is deaf and I get the feeling that lots of important things got lost in the translation of things.I know I've talked with her and have things really get messed up because of the way me or her misunderstood something.

    I know me and her went to my Inlaws Lawyers office and he wouldn't talk where she could read his lips and I was having trouble,getting some things he said through to her.

    big rockpile
     
  10. suburbanite

    suburbanite Well-Known Member

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    You should tell them.

    I'm going to tell my parents about this story; there's some kids in my family who need to be 'stolen'.
     
  11. culpeper

    culpeper Well-Known Member

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    That woman is the personification of Evil! I cannot believe your legal system could uphold such actions as she took!

    Yes, of course the children should know the truth. They probably have their suspicions anyway.

    My heart goes out to their mother.

    You know something? I couldn't BEAR to have anything to do with a person like that! I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire.
     
  12. tamsam

    tamsam Well-Known Member

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    TELL THE KIDS. If I were you I would not have allowed my mil back in my house for any reason. I did have my grandson removed from his mother and adopted him but it was under entirely different circumstances. He has always known the truth and we never told him any thing bad about her, only that she was confused. Now he is 20 and visits with his mother all the time. She was always allowed to stay in contact with him. Please tell them. Good luck Sam
     
  13. SignMaker

    SignMaker Well-Known Member

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    Good GOD!

    That is a horrible story Big Rockpile!
    I am sorry that your MIL put you in such a awkward postion.

    That said, I vote for telling them as soon as you can. If your sister is not the evil person that MIL is making her out to be then defend her!

    Just my thoughts...
     
  14. EasyDay

    EasyDay Gimme a YAAAAY!

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    The kids are old enough to know the truth. Tell them.
    It can't be taken lightly because they will certainly feel like you've drop a bomb on them. They may even respond in denial, initially, because it goes against everything they've always been told.

    It isn't fair that they continue hating their mother for a lie, and it certainly isn't fair for the mother to BE hated for the lie.

    They're adults now. Let them decide how to handle it... but they definitely need to know the truth. It may answer a lot of questions that have been in their minds over the years. Frustration, anger, pain... but eventually PEACE. That's what's important.
     
  15. MorrisonCorner

    MorrisonCorner Mansfield, VT for 200 yrs

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    Wow. Being partially deaf myself I know that many people view deafness as a sign of mental incapacity and would think a deaf person incapable of raising children. Especially hearing children. This is, of course, utter nonsense, but when your SIL couldn't understand what the lawyers were saying it becomes very easy for someone to say "see.. she isn't bright enough..."

    I'm not sure I'd use the word "stole." I think I would, however, tell the children that their grandparents had an old fashioned and very misguided view of deafness and were afraid their daughter couldn't raise them the way they wanted them raised. So they took advantage of her disability. I would emphasize that they did this out of concern and love for their grandchildren, not because they're some sort of inhuman monsters.

    However, between you, me, and the world, since this is online, my guess, not knowing these people at all but knowing human nature, would be that they found raising a deaf daughter to be an unpleasant experience. For whatever reason they may have blamed themselves for a defective child, never bonded to her because she wasn't "perfect" and wanted the opportunity to have a "real child." So when the opportunity presented itself... they took it. If the children are deaf, I take it back (well, not the part about a deaf person being incompetent, but about their motives) but my guess is the kids are not deaf, and the grandparents wanted "real kids" to do over with, not the defective one they got the first time around.

    However they rationalized what they did they had to demonize the daughter to lessen their own feelings of guilt. They know very well what they did.. they manipulated the situation and their daughter's limitations to take her children from her. They must have known how wretched that would be for their daughter. And how would you explain to the kids what you'd done unless you demonized their mother? I'm thinking that explaining this might require some professional help, who can address the subtext of what the grandparents did without now demonizing the grandparents, who are the only parents these kids have ever known.

    Ok, so they (in my deaf-person opinion) messed up royally. They rejected their deaf daughter utterly, stole her children from her, raised them with a huge lie to justify what they'd done.. and worse, having repeated this lie for years have probably come to believe it. Now, however, comes the interesting part:

    Deafness is often inherited... it is indeed a genetic defect which skips around the generations. So it is quite likely that these children will have deaf children. If they'd been raised by their deaf mother they'd be in a much better position to cope. But, of course, they weren't. So the grandparents didn't just mess up the lives of their daughter and grandchildren, but may well have messed things up for their great grandchildren and great great grandchildren.

    I'm thinking I'd get in touch with any and all resources you can find on deaf culture and expose the kids to people who are, or understand, deafness so they can get a feel for both what their mother's life is like... and why their grandparents might have been motivated to take them away from her using any means necessary.
     
  16. the mama

    the mama loves all critters Supporter

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    All children need to be loved. These boys need to know that their mother loves them and did not abandon them. Even though their granparents stole them, that doesn't mean they were good parents to them. Emotional abuse also leaves scars. Teaching children to hate IS WRONG.
     
  17. TexasArtist

    TexasArtist Well-Known Member

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    Big Rock
    I say go for it. Tell them the truth. What if in five years their mom dies and they find out the real story and think about all those wasted years of not knowing their real mom all because of something such as this. I say tell them and let them make their own decision on it. If afterwards one of them or both decide they still want nothing to do with her then so be it but at least they will know.
     
  18. patnewmex

    patnewmex Jane of all trades

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    They have a right to know NOW, not at some magical age of supposed maturity. They should know how their mother feels and has felt about them and they should know that she loves them and WANTED THEM! That is such a basic thing you wonder why this has been kept from them for ANY length of time!!!????

    Pat
     
  19. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    Is there paperwork you could give them to read that shows the legal dealings? Then answer their questions?

    Angie
     
  20. A'sta at Hofstead

    A'sta at Hofstead Turkey Wrangler

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    tel them, tell them, tell them. This will help them in every way. Going through life thinking you were abandoned has to be hard, self esteem would be lowered I would think. They have the right to know.