Rules For A Happy Thanksgiving!

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Jan Doling, Nov 22, 2006.

  1. Jan Doling

    Jan Doling Well-Known Member

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    THE 10 RULES FOR THE BUFFET LINE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER
    (Print and post this on the front door ASAP!)

    1. If you are allergic to anything, get the ingredients before the
    buffet table is set. Don't wait until you are in line and ask what
    everything is on the dang table! You will get punched in the head for that!

    2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your azz down until
    someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you
    to be independent. Nibble on them dang pecans and walnuts to hold you over.

    3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, keep them in the basement
    and bring their food down there. Tell them that they are not allowed
    upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
    stories about their mommas and papas. If they bring their azz
    upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I
    will break a foot off in it!

    4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We
    do not care what you are thankful for at the buffet table. Save that
    talk for somebody who gives a dang. The time limit for the prayer is
    one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you
    will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be
    swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

    5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you
    don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy azz home and
    not to come next year!

    6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
    plate in my good Tupperware knowing dang well that I will never see
    it again! If you touch my Stuff, I will shoot you!! Hands down!

    7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
    house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
    SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

    8. Don't not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
    This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call
    every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll
    call, your child will put outside until you come and get him or her.
    After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant azz!!

    9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your azz home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED THE HECK OUT AT 5pm.
    You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

    10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
    kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
    You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
    appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There
    will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his
    greedy azz family, we know have a credit card machine! So VISA and
    MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR
    ACCESS CARDS YET!


    HAPPY THANKSGIVING
     
  2. Maura

    Maura Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You have several rules that I would like to incorporate into our family traditions.
     

  3. dagwood

    dagwood Well-Known Member

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    Hey Jan that sounds just great! I really can't utilize that plan tho cuz I'd be spending the day with the pooch if I did. Don't hurt to dream tho.....LOL!
     
  4. Lilandra

    Lilandra talk little, listen much

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    rule #11 --- Come on time, there will be no reheating ANYTHING... you are late, its gone, so sorry... the food is cold, oh so sorry but it was hot and tasty an hour ago, ya should of been here earlier.


    thanks for the rules!
    :)
     
  5. Queen Bee

    Queen Bee Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I love number 7!!! It never fails to happen....dh and I purchase, cook, and bring/serve the turkey ( one 23 # whole turkey, four 6.5lb. breasts-this yr.), 6 pans of dressing, mac-n-cheese, deviled eggs, gravy--Every yr.and this yr. I am also making the buscuits..........After dinner, They look like vultures after road kill! They actually have boxes of plastic bowls, paper plates and baggies that they bring in after they eat. Many yrs. they take every last drop of the turkey, dressing and gravy. Last year, I didn't even have enough for a turkey sandwich left...
     
  6. Jen H

    Jen H Well-Known Member

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    I like rule #11!!!!! There's nothing more annoying than sitting there politely looking at a table piled high with hot, tasty food and having to wait on the one person who is late. (and it's always the same person who's late)
     
  7. Spotted Crow

    Spotted Crow Well-Known Member

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    Those were so good!!!
    Thanks for the laugh