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I just had a "seeing red" moment on another forum that has some spam problems. The normal spam is something that I just note, report, and move on, but this one got under my skin.

The spam was asking for donations so that the woman could have more expensive in-vitro fertilization attempts to create a child. I can understand the biological imperative to create a child, and the pressing desire that many people have, but if a couple cannot afford the costs to meet that desire how do they realistically plan to have the money to properly raise that child?

The idea of spamming for money to create a child who will likely require governmental assistance and charity, which either reduces the amount available to others or raises taxes, bugs me as completely self-centered and irresponsible. Am I over-reacting? Is this acceptable behavior?
 

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I think you're over-reacting. Why? Because it's doubtful that the spammers would use the money (if they're successful in getting it from gullible fools) for IVF. They are simply using the idea of a baby as a tool to pluck at the heart strings of stupid people who think having a baby is the sole purpose for living and the only way to find fulfillment. If you have to be angry for any reason, be angry at the spammers for tricking stupid people into giving up their money, and be angry at the stupid gullible people for falling for such an old trick.
 

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I think that odds are the story is made up. I would never send money to someone I do not know to a degree that I know their situation is true.

As for "if you cannot afford IVF, how do you expect being able to raise a child" ... I think that someone who cannot afford an IVF can still afford raising a child. I know someone who spent $100,000 on fertility treatments (fortunately they were successful). I think it is hardly fair to say that someone should have $100K in cash sitting around before they have a child. Now I think you should know that you can provide for your family if you bring children to this world, but you can do that by working and earning an income. We certainly did not have that much money on hand before we had kids but they are well provided for (they have a safe place to live, clothes to wear, proper nutrition and much much more but the rest of the stuff is not as important as the first three).
 

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Harry I'm with you! I wouldn't give a dime for somebody's IVF treatment, and there are much better causes for people to donate to if they have the money and the heart. It chaps my hide to see people spend those excessive amounts of money on extreme procedures to have "their own" child, when there are so many babies and children in foster care and up for adoption.
 

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It chaps my hide to see people spend those excessive amounts of money on extreme procedures to have "their own" child, when there are so many babies and children in foster care and up for adoption.
OTOH, I have seen people adopt older children out of foster care, and even infants, and have horrible experiences with the kids growing up to be mentally ill or addicted, just like their birth parents.

I can't really blame anyone for wanting to have their own biological baby, vs. taking a gamble on one coming from a family that is so dysfunctional that it chose (or was court-mandated) to give a child away to strangers. Sad but true. :(
 

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Harry I'm with you! I wouldn't give a dime for somebody's IVF treatment, and there are much better causes for people to donate to if they have the money and the heart. It chaps my hide to see people spend those excessive amounts of money on extreme procedures to have "their own" child, when there are so many babies and children in foster care and up for adoption.
No, there are not! 50 years ago that would have been true, but having tried to adopt in the past, there are usually waiting lists for any child excepting those who are over 13 *AND* who have serious problems, of the sort inexperienced parents would have trouble handling!

The last time I looked, it cost at least $30,000 to pay the fees to adopt a healthy baby. And that was 25 years ago!

We went through family services, which costs very little, but their children are rarely healthy. The kids are not healthy because they come from families that are not healthy, and some illnesses are inherited. Since I am an RN I figured that would not be a problem, but I can tell you, when I adopted 2 kids through them that the kid's health problems were a real challenge!

Even so, there is a waiting list for the kids that are adopted out through SRS. Potential parents have to show that they can deal with the kids health issues. One Mother -to- be had several deaf relatives, and she was approved to adopt a deaf child that she had already met. etc.
 

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OTOH, I have seen people adopt older children out of foster care, and even infants, and have horrible experiences with the kids growing up to be mentally ill or addicted, just like their birth parents.

I can't really blame anyone for wanting to have their own biological baby, vs. taking a gamble on one coming from a family that is so dysfunctional that it chose (or was court-mandated) to give a child away to strangers. Sad but true. :(
I don't blame them for wanting it, either. I blame them for refusing to accept the reality that they are not fertile.

Some of my family found out they both were sub-fertile when they tried to have a baby. They couldn't afford the IVF procedures, so they took the training to become foster parents. They were able to adopt one of their fosters, they had him since he was an infant. A happy family today. But even if they wouldn't have fallen in love with that child and adopted him, they made a difference for the better in the lives of other children. I consider that a lot more admirable than using up all those medical resources to meld their own egg and sperm.
 

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I don't blame them for wanting it, either. I blame them for refusing to accept the reality that they are not fertile.
But maybe they ARE fertile, with a little help from technology!

I know a couple who went the fertility-treatment route. Their first attempt resulted in a twin pregnancy and, sadly, a late-term miscarriage. They tried again, and this time had a healthy, beautiful set of twins, and girl and a boy. Cutest kids you ever saw!

The year the twins started kindergarten, the lady conceived naturally at age 40, which, needless to say, came as a total surprise! So now they have a younger son as well. :)

I'll add that I have great respect and admiration for people who take in foster and/or handicapped children, but not everyone is cut out for that sort of challenge, and I don't think they should be faulted for it.
 

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But maybe they ARE fertile, with a little help from technology!

I know a couple who went the fertility-treatment route. Their first attempt resulted in a twin pregnancy and, sadly, a late-term miscarriage. They tried again, and this time had a healthy, beautiful set of twins, and girl and a boy. Cutest kids you ever saw!

The year the twins started kindergarten, the lady conceived naturally at age 40, which, needless to say, came as a total surprise! So now they have a younger son as well. :)

I'll add that I have great respect and admiration for people who take in foster and/or handicapped children, but not everyone is cut out for that sort of challenge, and I don't think they should be faulted for it.
I'm guessing they didn't solicit money from others for the procedurez? If they have that good of insurance, or can afford it, fine. The OP was about a couple trying to get other people to pay for theirs.

Yep, every one is different. When they lost the late term twins, a lot of people wouldn't have had the heart to try again.

A lot of foster parents are angels in disguise. They provide a calm, safe, stable environment for kids whose lives have gone out of control. No, not everyone can do it, but the ones who can are amazing.
 

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I'm guessing they didn't solicit money from others for the procedurez? If they have that good of insurance, or can afford it, fine. The OP was about a couple trying to get other people to pay for theirs.
As long as they're asking for voluntary contributions, not expecting the government to pay for it, I have no problem with it.

There are entire sites devoted to "crowdfunding" which hook up people in need with benefactors.

If it makes someone feel good to give to a cause like that, who am I to tell them what they should do with their money? :shrug:
 

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I agree with Willow_girl on this one! It may be unusual, but it is not illegal, or unethical. It is like the change jars that businesses put on counters that say "injured uninsured volunteer fire fighter", or whatever.

People give because it pleases them to do so and because they want to, and in order to back the people around them. And, as more friendships develop between people who meet on-line, I expect to see more crowdfunding. More and more people have a large chunk of their social lives on-line

My kid brother responded to a crowdfunded ad, and he was very pleased. He told me about the young man he sent money too, and how regrettably his business had not worked out, and how the gent had sent his some packets of heirloom seeds in a cloth bag as a way of saying "thank you". DB gave me a packet of the heirloom eggplant seeds, as he does not like eggplants and I sometimes do.

I thought that crowdfunding was tacky, at first, but people are having fun with this, and can make contact with like-minded people this way.

I one gave a textbook on farming to a young woman who was just starting out, because I wanted too, and this is no different.
 

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I don't blame them for wanting it, either. I blame them for refusing to accept the reality that they are not fertile.

Some of my family found out they both were sub-fertile when they tried to have a baby. They couldn't afford the IVF procedures, so they took the training to become foster parents. They were able to adopt one of their fosters, they had him since he was an infant. A happy family today. But even if they wouldn't have fallen in love with that child and adopted him, they made a difference for the better in the lives of other children. I consider that a lot more admirable than using up all those medical resources to meld their own egg and sperm.
Do you blame someone with a congenital disease for seeking treatment rather than just accepting a shorter life or disability as just a reality? Infertility is no different than anything else that can be treated by modern medicine.
 

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It's a fine line between what people really "want" to do with their money, and what they are manipulated into giving. The old tug at the heartstrings...which loosens up the purse strings.

They are, in essence, begging for the money for the IVF procedure. It's the electronic version of standing on the street corner with a sign, is it not?
 
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Do you blame someone with a congenital disease for seeking treatment rather than just accepting a shorter life or disability as just a reality? Infertility is no different than anything else that can be treated by modern medicine.
Yes, infertility is different than a disease or condition. It doesn't threaten your life.
 
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