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aka RamblinRoseRanc :)
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Discussion Starter #1
Eeeep.
We MAY be asked to relocated for dh's job.
The logistics of moving all the farm critters doesn't bother me.
Nor does renting the house out....a dear friend and her family want to rent the house and would welcome any farm animals I leave behind. I am positive they would care for any barn/garage cats we leave on duty. :)
The move would be to Bowling Green, Ky. and we would rent first, of course. Dh has seen a lot of the area around there and says there is TONS of farmland and such....he's been up there Monday-Thursday since May.
It'd be a great opportunity to have more land and be more rural (and get the hell away from my damned neighbors!)....not to mention, see my husband more than three days a week.
Here're my issues:
We moved to NM in 2009 and came back to TN in 2010. While Dh, our oldest daughter and I ADORED it, the younger two (now 14 & 16) hated it. In retrospect, I think it was because it was SO different from TN....the climate, the landscape, the people, the food....just everything. BG, being five hours away in a neighboring state won't be such a culture shock, hopefully.
My 14 year old daughter is a social butterfly and can make friends anywhere, anytime. My 16 year old son is introverted and last week, nervously told me that he was bi-sexual. As BG is a college town and an international refugee area, I would think it would be more progressive and accepting than where we are in TN.
I'm sure if asked they'd both say they want to stay here....after all they were born and raised here except for the almost year in NM.
My mother. She has COPD and less than a month after we moved to NM in 09 they discovered a brain tumor. It's an ogliodendroglioma ....which is a big word that means permanent, unable to completely remove and a management issue, really. They did surgery and removed as much as they could and she was on very frequent MRIs to monitor it's growth. March of 2013 the tumor suddenly swelled and.....well......my brother and I were scared that Mom would NEVER live alone again. My bro just wasn't emotionally strong enough to care for her so she came here and with meds, home health and my own brand of rehab she went home several months later. If anything like that ever happens again and we're not here.....she'd have to come to wherever we are. She isn't old...she'll be 67 in December. I know our NM move was hard on her, that's for sure.
I don't want to mentally wreck my family......but my husband works danged hard for us.... I think if they ask him to relocate, then we should support him and make it as easy as possible for him. Heck....he supports me, himself, our two teenagers, our twenty something daughter, her fiancé and their five month old son....they pay their personal bills and contribute a small amount to the house and help out a little .....but by and large he supports them.
I'm torn, y'all....just torn. Thoughts?
 

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I don't want to mentally wreck my family......but my husband works danged hard for us.... I think if they ask him to relocate, then we should support him and make it as easy as possible for him
This.....when all is said and done, who do you lay down next to at the end of the day. You and your husband come first. jmho
 

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I agree with everything the others have said. Your marriage comes first, and the kids will be gone in a few years, or at least old enough to move out if they want to, lol. It could be a very positive experience for your family and hopefully won't be like NM since the cultural differences won't be there.

I'd approach the kids and your mother with a totally positive attitude, make it sound like it's so lucky you get to move to be with hubby/dad and how great that will be. Tell your son how much easier his life could be in a progressive college town setting, especially if he's been getting any flack from the kids where you are now. Your daughter sounds like she'll adjust very easily, even though she may protest in the beginning.

Just don't put it to them as a choice...lay it out as a decision that you and your husband have made or are making and point out all the positives you can think of. If they have any special interests, such as dance, art, sports, etc., look into the options there ahead of time so you can point those out when you tell them. Make it sound like fun and something to look forward to, an adventure of sorts. There's no need to share your own doubts with them, which will only make them doubt too. You and your husband should share those with each other and decide if the positives outweigh the negatives and then present a united front.

As for your mom, I think all parents are reluctant to be reliant on their kids, but also understand that if that does come to pass they will just have to adjust to their lifestyle or be willing to go into a skilled nursing facility. Put it to her as a positive too, how much easier it will be once you and hubby are together to share responsibilities, how much better the budget will be not having to have two living residences, etc.

It's all in how you present it, just be a good "sales person", lol. :)
 

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I agree with all the above posters and, if I understand what you wrote correctly, I agree with what you really want to do! Also, clapping for how accepting you are with your son: I think that is a great gift you are giving him, to be loved unconditionally. Good luck with whatever you decide.
 

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You gotta do what you gotta do to pay the bills.

I mean what is the alternative to not relocating? Could he lose his job?
 

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aka RamblinRoseRanc :)
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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks y'all... I greatly appreciate y'all weighin' in.
So far my son hasn't caught any flack but he is pretty introverted and very mature for his age so he doesn't have much in common with other guys his age. I didn't either, at his age but I was FAR from an introvert!
I'd already decided this was a 'no choice' thing and have been talking it up to my son (haven't mentioned it to my youngest nor my mom yet...I think I know where Jenna got her drama tendencies from...it skipped a generation! So I figure no need to get them going if nothing comes of it, kwim?) and promised many scouting trips.
My mother....she's......it's hard to explain. I refer to it as the Kentucky mentality. It's prevalent in the teeny area I am from up in the SE part of the state. There your children side with the parent over their spouse and moving out of the house usually means moving no more than a few miles away and for the most part it means having a mobile home set on the same property as your parents.
Case in point....when my father passed away, DH and I had been married two years and had a two year old daughter. My family in KY got ANGRY with me because I did not leave my husband to move back in with my mother.
My brother? Lives in a single wide with his family on a piece of property mom and dad bought that adjoins her backyard.
And it's not just my family...it's rampant up there. So the apron strings are quite a bit tighter than most. And the expectations of staying rightthere are higher. Of course, I don't subscribe to that and never will, but it does make listening to and knowing the hurt is there a bit harder.
As far as the job.....he has been commuting up there since May, leaving here Monday morning and getting home late Thursday night- it's a five hour drive. The position has just become concrete and that is why he suspects they'll ask him to relocate. So no, he wouldn't lose his job but it would look better to the company (with this promotion he's pretty high ranking already) if he does.....not to mention the fact he won't be driving 10 hours to and from the area (he drives around the area too) and we'll have him home every night.
On the behavior thing....going to NM our son became even more introverted, our then teenaged introvert became more extroverted and even though our extroverted youngest daughter made friends like crazy, there were some big behavioral issues with her. Nothing dangerous, just drama inducing. I reallllly hope to avoid that this time if we do go.
 

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Your kids are going to go through stages no matter if you move or not. Learning to adjust and roll with the punches will be great for their future. Like everyone said, just keep it on the positive and don't let them make a bigger deal out of this than needs be. As for your mom, you are an adult and your family comes first. If she wants your help she will have to do it on your terms. She can be happy about it or keep it to herself. Life goes pretty quick and you don't want your husband spending that many days away from the family and that drive would wear anyone out. Once you get moved and everyone is together, I suspect everyone will be very happy.
 

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Life just won't be neat. Either everyone wants the same two drumsticks on the turkey or no one wants them at all. I have no advice as it all hinges on what you think is important.
I will say that moving is hard on kids as they are trying to figure out what is what with the extra variable of having to figure out their new location. They don't know if their issues are because they haven't got it right or they haven't figured the new rules. The fear of faux pas is much intensified.
But also seeing their parents sacrifice for provide for them is also a value. They won't appreciate it so much now but will later when they have that example to reference when their own problems loom large.
I'm a bit puzzled with why your brother , who lives right there, can't take on your mother's care.
 
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aka RamblinRoseRanc :)
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Discussion Starter #12
Where I Want To;
Yeeeeaah. My brother is a really sweet guy who worries about EVERYTHING and doesn't have the uh....intestinal fortitude to stand up to anyone in the family, over anything. Mom did move in with him as soon as she came out of the rehab center but he was a nervous wreck the whole time and it was affecting his already poor health (he is on disability for several physical issues). So she came here, where I firmly, but gently took care of her and helped her heal.
I love him but he's just too danged soft. :)

No word so far on the possible move so we're still up in the air.....
 

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Ummm... 20-something daughter, fiance' and child? Your and dh's decision, absolutely, but imo if they are old enough to make a family, they are old enough to get busy and make their own living.
 

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aka RamblinRoseRanc :)
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Discussion Starter #14
Oh..the oldest daughter, fiance (disabled) and my grandson are happy to go wherever we go...it's the younger two that will be the problem. Btw.....if they ask him to relocate and we don't he would lose the promotion. Of course we'd go.
 
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