Raising little boys. Suggestions please.

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by sancraft, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. sancraft

    sancraft Well-Known Member

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    I'm getting custody of my great neice and nephew. He's 20 months and she's 5 yrs. old. Well, I've raised 2 girls, so I think I can handle that, but I've never raised a boy. A good friend lived with us from the time her son was a year old until he was 10 yrs. old. But I was still together with my ex DH then and the boy spent a good deal of time with him. Now that same boy is having major problems with no man around and a mom who really isn't a good parent.

    I know he'll need lots of love, respect, frequent deposits into his love bank (hugs), structure, routine, knowledge of the Lord, education (home and school if we go the school route), good food, creative outlets, and the freedom to discover who he is.

    I don't oppose spanking, but only as a last alternative. I only spanked my girls a few times growing up and they have turned out great. But myfriend's son...Good Lord, that boy has always tested the water. Grounding, punishments, spanking... He was just so head strong. My little fellow seems to have a more gentle spirit, but he's very boy, rough and tumble.

    Do I need to do anything differently with him than I do with the girl? I don't want to stymie him, but do want to channel him in a positive direction. I want him to grow up into a self-directed, kind, loving, virtuous man. I want him to be able to lead his family in His light.
     
  2. suzfromWi

    suzfromWi Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Sounds to me like you,ll do just fine....God Bless
     

  3. marvella

    marvella Well-Known Member

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    you've got a good level head and i am sure you'll do a great job.

    boys are a bit rowdier, and they like to pick on their sisters just to get a rise out of them. just raise him with the same values you did your daughters and he will turn out great.

    don't worry about him being raised in a housefull of women. my son was the only male in the house for many years, and he turned out great. he is well-liked by everyone, has a great sense of humor, works hard, and is a great parent. turns out now is he raising his two daughters as a single parent. this guy is always surrounded by women. he also enjoys all kinds of sports and is pretty darn handy with tools too. he is all man, 6'2" and 230#, so please don't let people tell you being raised by women will make a boy a sissy.

    what it did do for him is make him lots more understanding of women minds and bodies and how they work. PMS mood swings don't faze him a bit. LOL!!

    best of luck to you!
     
  4. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

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    Just remember there is one fundamental difference between boys and girls: A girl will (usually ) not try to fly from the roof because she might fall and break her neck. A boy will think "maybe i won't" and try it anyway. Let him get dirty, let him climb and be a boy. Most times, boys let you know what they need pretty early. It's the teen years , when they clam up and don't talk to anyone but their peers you really need to worry about. Until then, just roll with the flow and have fun with him. Prepare for bugs, toads, snakes and mud. Some days I thought the mud would never end. But my boys were always fun to play with and usually quite happy.
     
  5. Shygal

    Shygal Unreality star Supporter

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    Boys are easier than girls, I found. My one girl is harder than the 3 boys put together.

    Just be a good role model, and keep doing what you are doing. And I think sometimes people forget that boys arent always as tough on the inside as they like to act on the outside. They need the hugs and cuddles and tears wiped away and all that just as much as girls do. Even if they roll the eyes afterwards and tell you they arent a baby. :rolleyes:
     
  6. QBVII

    QBVII Well-Known Member

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    Well, my little guy is only 9 years old so he's not finished yet.
    But I think it's important to raise a boy with respect for him as a man - what I mean is, acknowledge him as a male and acknowledge his capabilities, especially the things you want him to grow in and develop. I brag on my little man when he displays characteristics like being protective, and doing for others. Like if Momma doesn't want to kill a spider and he does it, then I brag on him. When my husband is out of town working, I tell him on the phone that my little guy "has everything under control" where he can hear me.........that sort of thing.
    I think it's important for a boy to be raised with a sense of his masculinity, especially today.
     
  7. mpillow

    mpillow Well-Known Member Supporter

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    The book "Raising Boys"....I've not read the whole thing but some excerpts...
     
  8. coalroadcabin

    coalroadcabin Well-Known Member

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    I raised a son and a daughter and I don't remember any real difference in the way I disciplined them. My son was pretty active but so was my daughter. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
     
  9. floramum

    floramum Well-Known Member

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    You Mind Find Tnhermit's Thread On "remember When Boys Were Boys" Of Value-
    I Just Bumped It For You.

    Mum
     
  10. dagwood

    dagwood Well-Known Member

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    If the little feller is up for it get him involved in both sports and the Boy Scouts. And it never hurts to tell a child you love them at least a dozen times a day. :)

    In this day and age the most precious gift we can give our kids is TIME. But you already knew that didn't ya? :D
     
  11. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

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    Lots of physical activity, and if you can swing it by the time he's 3, some kind of structured preschool/playgroup. Be prepared for a roudy little man. My son had stitches when he was 2 and a staple in his head when he was 5. having all that property will ensure both kids have a place to run, get them involved just like you did with your girls, you will do just fine.
     
  12. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    From you post I've come to the conclusion that you could be giving advise and have no need to ask for any :) Between you and your daughters examples I think the two new additions to your home are going to be just fine.

    Hugs
    Marlene
     
  13. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

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    OH! I should tell you, that little boys and sleepy teenage boys don't have very good aim. You will clean the bathroom in places you never knew could ever get dirty. :p
     
  14. Wendy

    Wendy Well-Known Member

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    A good male role model that will spend some time with him is important too.
     
  15. sancraft

    sancraft Well-Known Member

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    He's only 20 months now, but I plan to have him on a horse at 2 and in karate at 3. I just want to make sure I give him everything he needs. I really getting excited about having these little ones. He's rough and tumble, but he's also a hugger. I hugged him when I first saw him on Thanksgiving and he came to me at least every 10 minutes all day for a hug. We used to call hugs, deposits into your love bank. He definately wanted a surplus in his account. LOL
     
  16. dezeeuwgoats

    dezeeuwgoats Well-Known Member

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    I am raising three boys - currently ages 6, 10, and 12 - soon to be moving up a year, lol. I was an only child until age eight, with a sister born, and a brother two years later.

    My big surprise? Boys are very emotional. I had no idea. The drama in my household at times is a sight to behold. Passions can run high. The other surprise - they can be wrestling 'for fun', someone WILL cross the line, and then it is 'for real' - but if someone draws blood it is 'cool' and they come and show off to me.....??????That's not happened often, but boy was I confused! To come out to 'break something' up and have both excitedly giving me a blow by blow was weird. My household growing up was way more peaceful. My brother was quiet.

    I second Almostthere's opinion about the bathroom - ICK. Make sure you teach them as early as possible how to clean their own bathroom! It doesn't help their aim, but it helped my attitude, lol.

    Physical activity IS important, along with hard work. I mean, football is great, but sending my sons to work with their Dad has been a blessing. Nothing helps attitudes more, or makes them feel better about themselves than hard, physical labor. It is a great tool, if you accustom them to it young. Too old and I would see it as a battle of wills. Doing it alongside works best. A healthy attitude towards work is the foundation to being a happy provider for his future family.

    Around ten or eleven - remember that even if you can't see it yet, the hormones are starting to kick in. My oldest was especially moody - and is evening out now that he's nearly thirteen.

    Boys are wonderful! The dirt does wash off. The house eventually stays cleaner, longer. I agree with other posters here - sounds like you will do just fine! Good luck, and thanks for giving your niece and nephew a family and a home.

    niki
     
  17. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you are on the right track. You might not even need preschool. If he gets roudy, sometimes others(preschool, church nursery, playgroup) helps them redirect and learn to control themselves(and give you a break). Now that he knows you are safe and he gets hugs, he will do just fine.

    *Now I mentioned preschool because we didnt find out until our son was older that he was Autistic. I wish I had ignored the Dr sooner and found a program. He had one year of preschool, and he is looking at many more years of different therapies that could have been shortened had I found a program when I thought about it first. The one good thing about this is, now that we went thru a private evaluation, our Dr who told me nothing was wrong and boys will be boys and all that jazz is now studing Autism on his own and is actually helpfull now. So just so you don't think I'm antihomeschool and suggested a good preschool. I would love to hs and hope to get to do that some day.
     
  18. Alice In TX/MO

    Alice In TX/MO More dharma, less drama. Supporter

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    Ditto on male role model. He needs someone to spit and scratch with. :)
     
  19. okgoatgal2

    okgoatgal2 Well-Known Member

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    keep on giving hugs, look for the differences in his temperment, and keep on doing what you're doing. boys are generally less....volitile....than girls. but they are rowdier, most of the time.
     
  20. Hummingbird

    Hummingbird Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you are exactly on the right track. You've been given tons of good advice. Boys are a delight! A whole different critter - but I wouldn't trade my son for anything.

    One more bit I would add is that the Boy Scouts were another good influence in DS's life. His Scout leaders did expect discipline and structure and they did a LOT with the boys. It was a good thing for him. He's respectful and understands the chain of authority because of his different ranks that he achieved.

    God Bless you for your care of these children. Merry Christmas!