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I'm particularly interested in answers from folks that waited to start a family until they were uh "more mature" i.e. over the age of 35.

I was 39 when I had my daughter and 41 when I had my son. I was sure I was finished having kids, but my daugther has been incessantly talking about getting a "baby brother and a baby sister". She is quite detailed about what she expects and has been talking about it for over a month now. To the point that her father and I are actually starting to entertain the idea of more. Twins run in my family and given my "advanced maternal age" status (I'll be 43 in Sept) twins are definatley in the equation. If I did get preggers again it would mean a 3rd c-section and that of course along with the increased risk for disablities are factors we have to carefully consider.

My biggest question/concern is how do you deal with 3 or more little ones? As parents we would be out numbered!! How do you give individual attention to them all, and still get anything done around the homestead? I'm having trouble enough getting anything done outside as it is. Financially it would be a stetch, since I would have to quit the part-time (work at home) job I have, but I'm sure we could figure out something.
 

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I am the proud mom of 3 sons. The 2 youngest are twins. They are all adults now but I have to tell you that the twins were much easier to take care of than my single birth child. By easier I mean that they played together instead of clinging to me and wanting to be picked up and carried all the time as my oldest did. when newborn I wore one of those baby slings across my chest and went about the work sometimes carrying one child in my left arm at the same time.
The twins were full term (38 weeks, normal vaginal delivery, 6lbs.9ozs. and 5lbs.1.5ozs.) and did not have any developmental problems that sometimes occur with pre-term multiples.I was 30 yrs. at the time of their birth.
All 3 boy's are close but the twins have a special bond and still share much even tho they no longer live in the same houehold.
I hope this helps.
 

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I had my first one at 27, then 30, 32 and 37, all girls. The tough part is dealing with hormonal teenage girls while going through menopause. I have to back away and put myself on time-out quite often.

I did not have the energy to be the active, really fun mom for the last one like I'd been for the first one. It takes me weeks to recuperate from doing "cool Mom" stuff for the kids. Health problems and pain keep me pinned down a lot, I am too tired to be on the go all the time. I am 49 with DDs 17 and 12.
 
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Wags said:
My biggest question/concern is how do you deal with 3 or more little ones? As parents we would be out numbered!! How do you give individual attention to them all, and still get anything done around the homestead? I'm having trouble enough getting anything done outside as it is. Financially it would be a stetch, since I would have to quit the part-time (work at home) job I have, but I'm sure we could figure out something.
start having kids at 20 years old so you have enough energy to work 18 hour days for months at a tiime.
 

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I had my first DS when I was 28, the next DS when I was 32 and the next when I was 36. Dealing with the three boys is easy. The oldest helps with the youngest.

However, I homeschool so my biggest challenge is trying to do school with all three of them but besides that the rest is easy.
 

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I had my first daughter at age 19. Four more kids followed in quick succession - over about 12 years. There were hard times and there were impossible times. During the hard times, you just keep going and don't stop. During the impossible times, you regroup and decide what is most important at that moment. I think having kids together helps you focus and prioritize your life. It is only hard when you try to do too much. You will recognize it when you start gritting your teeth at night..... :)

Then, after my (first) youngest was 11 - we had one more. I was 40 yrs old. I am more tired and don't have the "fun' I used to. After a houseful - this little guy will be almost an only child in experience. BUT - he also has the advantage of experienced parents- the kind that don't get upset at every little thing; the kind that know what is important for a kid to learn and do and what is age-appropriate. It is a trade off. I import playmates and they can go home if things get stressful. Works for me!

My MIL had her last one at age 46. I don't think he was hurt one little bit either. ( her last one is younger than my 3 oldest)
 

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By the time you have the third, your oldest will be in kidnergarden or first grade. By the time you have the third, the second will be three or four. If you do it now, your kids will be close enough in age to hang out together, but not best closest buddies; and the oldest will be able to be some help around the house. You can read storybooks while nursing the baby (positive association with mom nursing the baby), and work out giving individual attention to each child. As long as you know what you are in for, you can formulate a plan. You know you want to be able to give each child individual attention, so you can, for instance do laundry while the baby is sleeping, and have one of the older kids "help" you (time for talking about whatever is going on, time for him to read to you,...)

You won't have the energy of a twenty year old, but you don't have it now anyway.
 

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Go for it!! It sounds like your whole family will be in bliss with the birth of a new little one.

My mother had my sister when she was 41. Even though the Down's Syndrome test came back positive, she is very negative. If you are worried about any problems with the baby I would suggest not having any testing done except maybe an ultrasound just to see if there are multiple babies.

Sounds like now is the perfect time for your family. Good Luck.
 

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Thank you for asking this. We have been wondering this ourselves (have almost 3yr old boy and 9mo girl). We are about 75% sure we'll stick with the two but haven't made my "neutering" appt. yet because we aren't positive.
Our main fear is how do you give each child the appropriate amount of attention they deserve? Right now it's fairly easy to do so while accomplishing other things.
The other thing we fear is that these two are so wonderful and easy to raise....... we jokingly say we're sure to pay for it if we have another one! :p
 

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Wags, don't do it.

1) the gap between 1 and 2 isn't bad in a 2 parent household. The gap between 1 and 3 kids is *huge* and a lot of people can't handle the load.
2) medical risks to yourself
3) paying for college for 3 kids when your 60?
4) the world is already overpopulated
5) if your kid wants to learn about how things grow up then get a pet.
6) I can't rationally figure out why but having another kid just because a kid wants an additional sibling (when they already have one) just strikes me in the gut as a stupid reason to have a kid. Sorry but there you have it.
 

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hmmm... I was younger than that, and mine are 4 years apart. I was 24, 28 and 32 when they came along. I was healthy as a horse. For us, the real shocker was the difference between no children and having one. After that, it was as easy as falling off a log. The house never was neat again (and I clean swept each time I had a baby, getting simpler each time), and we haven't slept in 21 years. While you have one more kid than adults in the family, with three, the older ones help. They too have hands, and they too can help. My fondest memories are of my oldest reading to the younger two while I cooked dinner each evening.

We were better parents the third time around, and he is pure joy in every sense of the word. I can only imagine what I'd have missed had we not had him.

At this point, 46, we have one in medical school $$$$$$$$$, one heading to college in August$$$$$$$$$$$, soon will have three kids driving$$$$$$$$$$$$$. What I'm saying here, is if you stress over money, think long and hard. If you have good financial sense and manage well, it'll be tough, but you can do it. You don't spoil your kids and you teach them to work hard.

My youngest one night, when I was tucking him into bed, said "mom, johnny said that I was an accident.... that all third children are accidents? am I an accident?" My very honest answer was that we planned to have 4 or 5, so no, he was definatley not an accident. He wanted to know when 4 and 5 were expected and I told him, that his daddy, who needed to be medicated everytime "I" had a baby just couldn't take it anymore... ; ) He was indeed planned from before our marriage, which is why he's exactly 4 years younger than his brother and 8 years younger than his sis.

I'll tell you what someone told me... It's your life and your choice... but I've never known anyone who at the end of their life, with their children all standing around to say "man, I wish I hadn't had all you kids"....
 

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suburbanite said:
Wags, don't do it.

1) the gap between 1 and 2 isn't bad in a 2 parent household. The gap between 1 and 3 kids is *huge* and a lot of people can't handle the load.
2) medical risks to yourself
3) paying for college for 3 kids when your 60?
4) the world is already overpopulated
5) if your kid wants to learn about how things grow up then get a pet.
6) I can't rationally figure out why but having another kid just because a kid wants an additional sibling (when they already have one) just strikes me in the gut as a stupid reason to have a kid. Sorry but there you have it.
For all of these reasons, I'd suggest DO IT!!

Life is a one-time deal...make the most of it. I've got 3 kids, and we have a Blast! Ages 18, 8 and 6. One wife, one marriage, one family. HAPPY!!!

I'm gonna use a little bandwidth now...to Prove my Point:















 

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I didn't start having them late, but can comment on the time thing. I have found having 7 that they play together & entertain each other without needing to cling to me for mommy time all the time. I take turns taking them with me to the store so they get individual time with there. I am the middle kid out of 11 & I could not imagine growing up with only 1 other sibling. I never felt like I was missing out on anyting & always felt loved by my parents. Just because you have more than 2 kids doesn't mean you won't find the time to spend with them. I could not imagine my life without any of mine.
 

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I have 5 children, 4 of my own and one foster child. And 2 in heaven now as of last month. I too am of advanced maternal age (whooping 37 almost 38). I plan to have children until the Lord tells me I'm done. And we are all here handling the age gaps just fine. I would love to see some real hard concrete facts backing up the OP assertion that people can not handle the age gap in children. To me that sounds like hogwash and makes me wonder how many children those people have to base those comments on.
But I wanted to share what I have learned....
1.Going from one to two is alot harder than any other number. I hate to tell you but if your going to be a full time SAHM, your already outnumbered! *smile*
2.My 15 and 9 year old help with the younger ones (they do so lovingly and willingly as well!) so I can get things done. I have learned to do things at night when they sleep.
3.Organize, organize, organize! That has been the biggest help with me. I try to be prepared as much as I can. It helps when our best laid plans go awry. We have dinners in the freezer when we have had a very bad no good day. And so on. But don't expect to figure it out all at once.....everyday I learn more and more! :)
4.For one on one time, I usually will have a kitchen helper or errand helper. Those times we are alone and can talk.
5.As for c-sections, Ive had 2 and 2 natural births. I prefer the c-sections, LOL Yes, there is increased risk, but it is common these days. While I was being prepped they wheeled a woman next me whom just had her 8th c-section and healthly baby boy. :)
As for the common misconception posted above about OVERPOPULATION......let me assure you, its a myth. This world is actually very much staring down under population. There is much studies done to support this and there is an interesting book on the subject called, "The Empty Cradle" by Phillip Longman.
I agree with the OP, you would never look at that child (or children!) and think...."Geeze shouldnt have had you!" :)
God Bless,
Michele
 

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OK I was just going to say that you shouldn't be letting a child determine whether or not you are going to have more. The health risk is there not only for the baby/babies, but also for you. It doesn't sound like you are making the decision but letting everyone else do it for you. That being said....after seeing Boleyz perfect children and beautiful wife.....The world could sure use alot more love in it. I have twins and by the grace of the man above, I'm gaining two more very soon. They won't exactly be mine but I'll get to love them and help them grow. I love them already actually. So I guess if you love children and family then they are very lucky to have you as parents. If it were my decision I'd be having another. :)
 

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Hey, why does eveyone else get the redheaded kids?? I have red hair & was hoping for at least one red headed kid. No such luck. :( My last has the whitest hair of them all. Not sure where she gets it either.
 

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Boleyz, Michelle, I am coming to get the little redheads. I LOVE them.
:lonergr:


That is the only reason to have a third child. Maybe it would be a redhead.
Not really!

I had 3 in 5 years. I was 18 when I started, though. I found it very hard going from 2 to 3 kids. With 2, I had a hand for each one, an eye ball for each one, and a side of the brain for each one. With 3 kids, I felt like I turned the corner on manageable.

Having said that, I would have had a housefull. I just felt like after I had 3, I could have had 17 and it wouldn't have been much different.

Now I am 43 and I have full custody of my 18 month old grandson. We have discussed adopting another child to raise up with him, but I think I am too old and slow.

But MAYBE, if I could get one of those beautiful redheaded babies!!! No, probably not even then.
I enjoy mothering now in such a different way, but I don't know if I could do 3 again. Middle school and high school would do me in. 3 teenagers is as tough as it gets. I know, I did it!!!

Good luck, and you will make the correct decision.
 

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My aunt had 3 kids in 26 months and some odd days - the first two were born a year apart to the day. Cloth diapers and had to go to a laundrymat from the apartment. She says you learn LOL!! However, she was just shy of 20 when the 3rd one was born. Her sister (my other aunt) had 3 in 31 months, 2 & 3 being the twins. She was not quite 22 when the twins were born. Multiples run in the family, young ages and in the 40s. AND too many woman having babies at 46, 47, 48 so I said uh-uh. You need to look at all options, time to spend, money etc. Maybe a pet will be a better option for your daughter.
 

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5) if your kid wants to learn about how things grow up then get a pet.
That was my first thought, too -- GET HER A PUPPY!

LOL :)

P.S. Boleyz, all 3 of your kids are lovely and look very happy. Good job!
 
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