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As you know we are foster parents. We adopted our 13 year old son thru foster care. Our ds did very well for several years with his behavior. We where out of town around Christmas several hours south of our home eating at a restaurant. Not in the town our son was originally from. Our son started acting very strange refused to speak, eat or do anything. He had never done anything like this before. We asked if he wanted to leave he said yes.
So we got up paid our bill and walked out. On our way out I noticed an older couple looking at us. When we got our to our van I asked what was wrong and he said his bio grandparents where in the restaurant. At one point he and his sibs. had been adopted by the grandparnts later on it was found out that his grandparents where part of his abuse. So he was removed from the grandparents and TPR happend. A couple years after that was when he came to live with us. Anyway since the time that we ran into them our son has not been the same. We know he has been thru alot he goes to counsling and to a specialist this has been happening the entire time he has been in our care. However since we saw them his behavior has gotten completely out of control. We aren't sure what else to do. The therapist and Dr's have said they aren't sure what else anyone can do. He is becoming a danger to himself. So we are requesting prayer for our son and for us so that we know what to do for him.
 

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I have to agree with Heather. I have a 13yo ds and that is a tough age, period. I am praying for you here. I wish you the best.
 

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Wow, I'm so sorry this happened to your son. Thirteen is already a difficult age and to add this on top of it... Well, that little guy must really be suffering. I pray that God grants him serenity and closure.
 

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Big ((((((((HUGS)))))))) from us here in SW MO. You mention that he is becoming a danger to himself. That is so hard. You want the best for your child and hate the thought that he might need to be hospitalized for so many reasons... but let me encourage you that if he should need that, it is not so bad. For our family, it was one of the best things that ever happened for John. At the hospital he was safe and I didn't have to worry about whether I would go into his room in the morning and if he would be alive. They were also able to get John started on some medicines that I believe literally saved his life. I hope that your son comes out of this dark place soon, but if he doesn't just wanted to let you know that one of your fellow HT-ers has walked a similar road.
God bless you and yours
Deb
 
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Is he angry at them? If so, is there any way he can write them a letter and get it all out or do something like that? You don't have to mail the letter, but sometimes they hurt themselves when they have a lot of anger on the inside. If you can figure out how to get it out, then that could help. For some kids it's making a tape or a letter. For some it's learning martial arts.

13 is such a hard age. I'm so NOT looking forward to it.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thank you everyone. Ds has written a couple of letters he is very angrey with them.. He is more angry that he was split up from his brothers than anything else. We have been trying to find his brothers so that maybe if he has contact with them it would help. His brothers where adopted to different families before ds came to us.

Ds has traditional therapy , art therapy, and equine therapy. He really enjoys the equine therapy so we have talked about getting a horse but, we know nothing about them at all. We will have the space for one at our new house but, we have nothing fenced in yet and no barn. I also am not sure how wise it is to get a horse when we have no experience with them or any idea as to how much time and care that the horse would need. So I am looking into other options for horses maybe a place that boards them and cares for them.

I agree that if we had away to get the anger out he would be so much better off. Ds isn't what I would consider suicidal. It is more like he just isn't thinking about the consequences of his actions. Which has started within the last few months. For example He ran across four lanes of traffic without a moments thought about it. He easily could have been hit by a vehical. He said he did it because one of the kids on his football team dared him. This happened after football practice. I was talking with a couple of the other mom's. The kids where all just goofing around in front of us. I had no idea that he would just take off like that. When I confronted him he just said they dared me and I felt like it. He is doing these things on purpose. I know it is an attention thing to a degree but, he is really going to get hurt.
 

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The only thing I can think of is that he felt safe with you for a long time, and thought he'd never have to face his demons again, and then all of a sudden they were there in front of him, and now he feels like he'll never be safe from them again...that they can show up at any time.

I don't know what you could do to reassure him except to talk to him often about it and keep asserting that seeing them did not put him in danger and that he was with you and you would never let anything happen to him again.

This has got to be sheer torture for you...and the poor boy. I don't even want to know what kind of abuse he was subjected to.

(((((hugs)))))
 

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Prayers said. I'd talk to him a lot about it. Specifically, how he couldl/react if he saw them again. How he could take care of himself. How you could take care of him. What he could do if you weren't around. I could be wrong, but it sounds to me as if he feels unsafe and lots of old history is coming up. God bless him.
 

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You have my prayers and sympathy! Our foster daughters are going thru something similar. They told me of the abuse a month or so ago, and since then we've seen similar type behavior in the oldest. I don't have anything to help really, although the martial arts might be an idea. We had started the girls in this not too long before things came out. Afterwards, the oldest had a new intensity in class. It seems to have helped her a little bit.
 
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