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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok. Here's my situation. My husband and I have 3 beautiful little girls. (for about another week. Mystery baby coming soon!) Ages 9, 7 and 3. My 9 year old is great at getting ready for school on time. She is very organized and rarely needs reminding of what needs to be done next. On the other hand, my 7 year old relies on reminders and is very disorganized. She has been put on the bus in PJ's because she was not ready on time. (worked great by the way!)
Anyway, she does well when I use a reward system to encourage her to do better. Actually, all three like this system! (surprise, surprise) I want to set up a chart for my 7 year old where she can earn a sticker every time she gets herself ready for school, swimming lessons, etc without relying on my constant reminders. After earning so many stickers she will gain a privilage. She also needs this system to help her gain self esteem, which is a problem we have been struggling with. (its hard having a big sister who does everything right!) My question is, is it wrong or unfair of me to have this chart system for just one child? My 9 year old doesn't need it, though I know she will want on, and my 3 year old will most certainly want one to. I would love my 7 year old to have something that is just for herself, is that wrong?And what if the other two start acting up just to get their own charts?
 

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I would give them all a chart, but maybe personalize the amount of stickers required for the special privilige. We use a chore chart for our kids (9 and 10) and it works really well for them to have a visual reminder of what needs to be done.
 

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Is older sister really doing everything right? Does she ever gloat or rub little sister's nose in her accomplishments? If so, maybe her chart would deal with being kind, and considerate, rather thatn getting ready for school on time. Just an idea.
 

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I'd say do charts on an as-needed basis. Your children are never going to get all the same perks, the same rewards, the same birthday presents, etc. because Life Isn't Fair. It's never to early to teach them this.

Do what you need to do for as long as it works. I like the other ideas, too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for the advice! And yes, older sister does all her CHORES right. But she can have a tendency to gloat IF she can get away with it. The only problem I have with all of them having a chart is, my 7 year old compares herself to her sisters. And she will not have as many stickers as her sisters, that is a given. Things are harder for her, and when she sees her sister doing better than herself, she shuts down and stops trying. Even if there is no gloating, bragging, etc. ( We don't allow that, not to say it doesn't happen)
I like the idea of my 9 year old having different goals, that may actually work...
 

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Start everyone out with a chart, but at some point you can omit it. For instance, at age ten there is no more chart. With a new baby coming soon, DD #2 could build up quite a bit of confidence if she had some responsibility for the baby. For instance, a girl who can change a diaper gets a small increase in her allowance. A girl who can read the 3 year old a story so Mom can take care of the baby, gets praised and appreciated. I can see the middle girl taking more responsibility for the 3 year old because the 3 year old, "can't understand how demanding an infant is".
 
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Why don't you ask the older sister to help you make the chart and organise it. Ask her how she thinks she might be able to earn rewards? What about learning and cooking meals? Doing the laundry? Looking after her siblings while you nap?

Rose :)
Ditto this idea :)
 

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I say use the chart for all but have different goals. There is no reason why you can't have a long term goal for your oldest daughter to work toward. If you can manage the time away the reward can be one on one time with mom somewhere outside of the home.
 

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...And she will not have as many stickers as her sisters, that is a given....
Make the older girls' chart tougher so they DO haev similar stickers- 9 yos have to do more to get a sticker than 7 yos!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
All great ideas! And my oldest will LOVE time away for some one on one. And reading to the 3 year old is great too. It will help build a bond between themselves (much needed in my house of chaos) AND strengthen their reading skills. I knew you all would have come up with some great advice, my baby brain has taken over lately...
 
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