When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. You're a Jerk Part 1 Well, I was sitting at my desk taking a break when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I dialed the number and reached some fellow a man who answered saying, âhello.â âthis is Patrick,â I politely said, âand could I please speak to Robin Redd?â he slammed the phone down on me! I canât believe how rude some people can be. well, I tracked down Robin and gave her a call I had transposed two digits that was all. after talking to Robin I was still mad as thunder at the guy on the phone so I redialed his number. I dialed 842-9842. the same man answered in a harsh baritone. I yelled, âyouâre a jerk!â and hung up the phone. next to his number I wrote the word âjerk,â put it in a desk drawer and went back to work. every couple of weeks on a really bad day I would call him up and wait for him to say that surly, âhello,â and then Iâd yell, 'youâre a jerk!â it made me feel swell. Iâd call 842-9842. later in the year I worried about Caller ID. Iâd have to stop calling disappointing for me. I stewed and I stormed âtil I knew just how to go. I dialed his number and heard him say, âhello.â (disguised voice) âIâm with Pacific Bell. my name is Frank Burgess. are you familiar with our Caller ID service?â he screamed, âno!â hung up. my god, he went berserk! I called him back and said, âthatâs because, youâre a jerk!â 842-9842. I told you this story to help you keep your wits. If something really bothers you take care of it! dial 842-9842. You're a Jerk Part 2 The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of her parking space. I thought that she was never gonna leave so that I could take her place. I backed up a little, and then a little more, to give her big car plenty of room. âgreat,â I thought, âsheâs finally leaving. Iâll be in there pretty soon.â all of a sudden, this black Camaro, like a comet from outer space came flying up on her other side and grabbed my parking place. I honked my horn and I honked it again, while under my breath I cursed, âyou canât do that, buddy!â I yelled at him, ââcause I was here first?â this guy climbed out of his Camaro pretending I was a tree. he walked towards the mall eyes straight ahead completely ignoring me. I thought, âthis guyâs a jerk, too.â in his carâs window was a sign that said, âFOR SALE.â I wrote down his number for future reference on a piece of junk mail. a few days later, I was sitting at home taking a break from work. I had just finished calling 842-9842 and yelling, âyouâre a jerk!â 842-9842. itâs real easy to call the jerk now since I put his number on my speed dial. then I found a phone number. I knew what I could do the guy with the Camaro Iâd call this guy too. three rings later a man answered the phone, âIâm calling about the black Camaro that you own.â âwhere can I see it?â âitâs parked in front 802 West 4th Street,â he said with a grunt. I asked him his name. he answered, âDon Malone.â âwell, Don, youâre a jerk!â and I slammed down the phone! 802 West 4th Street. Yeah, 802 West 4th Street. after I hung up with a chuckle and a smile I added Donâs number to my list on speed dial. for a month or two my problems seemed small âcause when things went wrong I had two jerks I could call. Iâd call them at 2. Iâd call them at 4. when theyâd go to bed Iâd call them some more. Iâd call all the time and just as a lark I even taught my dog to hit the speed dial and bark. 842-9842. and now thereâs Don Malone at 802 West 4th Street. after months of calling and hanging up the phone it became an obligation not the thrill I had known. gave the problem some thought came up with a plan dialed Jerk #1 and when I heard the man I yelled, âyouâre a jerk!â but didnât hang up. when he said, âhey, you!â I responded, âyup!â âstop calling me!â he growled his voice got really low - I waited just a second and answered him â âno!â he said, âwhatâs your name, pal?â I answered, âDon Malone â 802 West 4th Street â and Iâm calling from home.â âmy black Camaroâs parked in front right on the street. come on over, jerk â I think we gotta meet.â âIâm coming to get you, right now â Don.â âlike Iâm really scared of you! youâre a jerk!â I added â then hung up and called Jerkâ¦numberâ¦2. when he answered the phone I said, âhello, Jerk!â I couldnât help it I started to smirk. âIâll kick your butt!â he said. âwell, hereâs your chance, clown. Iâm coming right over!â and I set the phone down. â¦..I called the police, âtell your cops on the beatâ¦. a big fightâs goinâ down at 802 West 4th Streetâ¦ packed a quick picnic. needed something to eat. drove down to West 4th and parked across the street. 10 police cars, attack dogs, a helicopter, and a swat team all around. they had those 2 guys cuffed and down. that fall I received a letter. could hardly believe my eyes. I was called for jury duty it was those same two guys! I was the jury foreman. our justice system works. we found the defendantsâ¦guilty and a couple of jerksâ¦ 842-9842. thatâs area code 405.