old friend,only freind

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by tamatik, Nov 19, 2006.

  1. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    This mite be long..I,ll try to be brief.15 yrs ago I moved to this town.about the same time another moved couple moved to town.i put an ad in the paper looking for someone to show me how to fish here..(ocean)A couple answered and we were best buds ever since.We(him and I) fished and visited and just hung out..all the time.He did handywork,renos and such.One day his wife is fishing and meets this woman from another country and strikes up a conversation.turns out the YOUNG woman has bought a local motel and is looking 4 someone to do the renos.buddys wife introduces her hubby and the work begins.They all became fast friends ,visits and dinner etc.As months go by the work continues.One nite he comes over(we drink together alot)and says."I gotta tell you something""I,ve been sleeping with----"Hes in his 50,s as we all are except for the new flame..30,s maybe,very pretty.I,m stunned..He even brings her over a couple times all lovey dovey.Then one nite I get a crashing at my door and its the wife demanding "where is he?"I HATE being woke up and told her to F....off.It seems she went to the motel and seen them huggingetc.Now its my fault.She calls me every name in the book.A coupler days later he invites me over to his house to "patch" things up between me and his wife.When I get there its obvious that this is a surprise for her and she chews me out royally.I leave.He visits me a few times then drifts away..The wife called immigration on the new arrival and got her deported.Now I,M the bad guy here cause I didn,t tell the wife.Also he tells the wife that I "gave"him viagra and he couldn,t control himself..Its been 3 yrs now and never a word spoken when we see each other at a store etc.Other than the wife displaying an appropriate finger.I never thought of him as one to fool around but I NEVER thought he,d dump it all on me.He and the wife are still together and I have a new wife(3years) who is shocked at the whole episode.My wife is sooo P/O,d at this guy for dodging the bullet by putting me in its path.I,m just shocked and kinda sad that a good frienship is gone.Should I have told the wife?I see that as the same outcome./Still shocked..Gord
     
  2. cheapskate

    cheapskate Cheap but not free

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    This reenforces my philosophy. I don't have close friends. I have my spouse and that is all the friend I need. Everytime I had a friend, something happened to cause bad feelings. So, I have aquaintances but no real friends.....on purpose.

    I wouldn't have told his wife either.
     

  3. lgslgs

    lgslgs Well-Known Member

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    Well, your friend has shown that he's willing to lie, and that when he's caught in a lie he'll add another one or two on top of it instead of making things right.

    In a situation like that, pretty much all you can do is feel kind of sorry for the guy and wonder if he's going to waste the rest of his life in a tangle of lie after lie. And most of them do.

    It still hurts to lose a friend, though, but that's often better than having anything to do with the mess their making of their lives. I expect that his affair may not have been his first, and certainly won't be his last. And as for friendships, he'll waste a lot more of those as well.

    Lynda
     
  4. Hip_Shot_Hanna

    Hip_Shot_Hanna Well-Known Member

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    A good friend would not:

    1. Let you carry the blame
    2. Avoid you
    3. Accuse you to his wife

    Sounds like a lousy human being. Fair weather friend and all that. I know you miss the company, and I"m sorry you've been treated this way. No, you couldn't have told his wife, but you could have said to your friend "What you do is your business, but don't come here and do it." In other words, don't bring your girlfriend around when you are married to someone else.
     
  5. Bink

    Bink Well-Known Member

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    No. And your friend was wrong to bring you into it in the first place. He should never have told you he was fooling around, he should never have brought his "flame" over to your house.
     
  6. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    cheapskate"This reenforces my philosophy. I don't have close friends."
    I have never had many friends because I think the way you do.I am reclusive and,as my wife says I "don,t play well with others" so I keep my distance..This time I took a chance..NEVER AGAIN.
    Gord
     
  7. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    With friends like that, you don't need enemies!

    Find new friends and chalk that one off as a big loser.

    And, if he has a wife with such little class that she'd give you the finger in public, why would you care what she thought.
     
  8. cheapskate

    cheapskate Cheap but not free

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    tamatik...sorry it ended up like this. I hope my previous post wasn't harsh. It is just the way things are for me. I agree with you...never again.
     
  9. mama2littleman

    mama2littleman El Paso

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    You have become the convienient scapegoat for your friend and his wife. I am pretty sure this is not the first time they have been through this drama, and instead of dealing with one another, they blame the outsider (you) for the problems.

    Consider yourself lucky that you are free of them. Do you really want to get dragged into their next melodrama?

    As to whether or not you should have told the wife ... I have mixed feelings about that one. Part of me says you should stay out of other people's relationships, and another part of demands honesty. Fortunately, I have never had to make that choice.

    Nikki
     
  10. Bink

    Bink Well-Known Member

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    Couldn't control himself and lost his sense of direction, too. Somehow ended up at the motel instead of home with his wife. Imagine that.
     
  11. cindyc

    cindyc Well-Known Member

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    I think, were I in your shoes, the minute I realized that even his wife could not trust him, the friendship would have been over. If you would hurt the ones closest to you, nobody else could be safe around you either. I know that is an old fashioned point of view, and people think that things like this "just happen", but they don't. There are things people can do to make sure they DON'T happen. It can be done. My grandparents were married (and faithful to each other) for over 50 years. My parents were married (and faithful to each other) for 35 years until my Mom died.

    Don't throw out all friends, just pick ones who know how to be committed, loyal, and honest. There are still a few out there.

    Cindyc.
     
  12. ceresone

    ceresone Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Looks like he made a choice on who he wanted to keep--his friend, or his wife. but, however bad you feel, try to pity him, the guilt must be eating him up, even tho you will never know it--
     
  13. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    cheapskate..no offense taken,thanx
    Gord
     
  14. frogmammy

    frogmammy Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Sounds like he was never a friend anyway. YOU thought he was a friend, he thought you were useful.

    Truthfully, the way the wife acted, I'll bet she fought THIS particular fight in the past, at least once.

    Mon
     
  15. AR Cattails

    AR Cattails Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Gord, I felt your pain about the loss of your friendship and the blame of his doings that were laid at your feet. I don't really have any advice for you but just wanted to give you (((hugs))). You remind me of my mom whom I had asked why she never had any close friends and she said simply because she had a best friend once who hurt her so badly that she would never let anyone else get that close to her again.
     
  16. TeachMe

    TeachMe Active Member

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    Sounds like you got rid of deadweight posing as a friend. You're better off without someone who would lie and blame others to help himself. By the way, his wife sounds a few fries short of a Happy Meal to get mad with anyone but him.
     
  17. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

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    Your so called friend was a real JERK. Who needs friends like that! :(
     
  18. FiddleKat

    FiddleKat Mother,Artist, Author Supporter

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    tamatik you don't need friends like that!

    If he was willing to lie and put the blame on you, he wasn't a friend in the first place. Another thing is his wife should have been putting on the blame on her two timing husband and not you. And they way she acted, both need to grow up.
     
  19. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    I,ve come to realize that they deserve each other.
    Gord
     
  20. quietstar

    quietstar Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you were a truly good friend and he was a friend as long as it served his interests. The guy lacks honor and the courage to be a "stand-up guy"....Glen