OK, so I'm nosey...

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by SweetSarah, Dec 9, 2006.

  1. SweetSarah

    SweetSarah Well-Known Member

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    ....but I was just searching myspace and typed in my high school aged BIL's name. I found lots of vulgar comments from him on other people's pages and it really disgusted me. I won't quote anything but we'll just say he was very derrogatory to women and every other word had four letters. He always presents himself to family as a quiet, sweet, young man. I understand that he is a teenager and teens tend to go a bit overboard when they think no one is looking but I don't know......I just feel like I don't know him. Anyway, I have this feeling now like I don't want him watching my children anymore. I just think he'd be a bad influence, even though he has always been great with them and seems to love them to death. I just know I don't want my boys speaking in the ways that he typed. Am I being paranoid? Do you think it is typical teen behavior?
     
  2. Nan

    Nan Well-Known Member

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    Are you positive it was HIS comments that you read? I think I would ask him about it! They were public comments...so you had a right to view them..right? "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!"
     

  3. SweetSarah

    SweetSarah Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, it was his name and picture beside the comments and he also talked about guitar lessons which he is taking so it absolutely was him.
     
  4. Tonya

    Tonya Guest

    I'd confront him with it and tell him that you don't want someone that immature in charge of your kids.



    It could be worse. I knew my cousin was gay....just didn't know that he did a strip show in a lesbian bar for one of the bartenders. :help: Nothing like seeing him in his little g-string, dancing on a bar to think "Man, he's got the family's big old white heiney, don't he?" :hobbyhors
     
  5. Becca65

    Becca65 Well-Known Member

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    My DD knows a boy from Marching band, he's on her Myspace but it's not one of her good friends, so one day i went to his Myspace.. WOW! I was shocked he was saying alot of four letter words, and talking all racial, I said to my DD i don't think i like that boy because of what i read, she says but mom he's not like that in person, he's nice.. But i have to wonder why would he act like that on Myspace? Maybe it's a show, but they have to realize that people are reading what they type. :shrug:
     
  6. sewsilly

    sewsilly Well-Known Member

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    Sarah,

    I teach teens, and have a housefull of teens, as well.

    Yes, that is 'typical'. If more parents, aunts, uncles, youth mentors, and clergy would check out myspace, an awful lot of them would be surprised.

    And their surprised reactions, and ensuing calling kids to account for behavior would be a good thing.

    One day, while talking casually to a group of teens, I 1. told them how disappointed I was in their language and comments to each other (which are horribly disrespectful and obnoxiously rude) and 2. I pointed out to them how easily most of them could be taken advantage of based upon the personal info they were giving out. They, of course, defended themselves. So, I told them that sometimes over the next month, I'd go online and look, and if I could locate their myspaces, without my having an account, and find out personal info (phone no.s, drug usage, explicit sexual activities, and their whereabouts) that I'd forward it on to their parents. I did just that.

    For 10 kids, 4 parents were appalled, one made the kid issue apologies, 4 had no response at all, 1 parent said I was nosey and didn't have enough to do, and 1 parent said that she did not care what her kid did, as long as it didn't bother her. I will point out that these were all young ladies, that either attend my church, with respectable parents, or they are kids from very similar circumstances (as in not neglected kids).

    One month after I shared this with the parents, 4 of the above young ladies were arrested at 2 am one morning, after having 3 motor vehicle accidents. They were all intoxicated at the time and had in their presence an very underage 12 year old male, who's parents thought he was asleep in bed.

    If this were my nephew, neice or bil, then I would indeed, first, sit him down and talk to him about it. I'd explain my disappointment and ask his opinion on it. Be specific about the things/words/ etc that you take issues with. Then I'd ask him if he thought he was a good influence on his nephews. Then, I'd tell him that I was going to share this with his parents and I would. Just be prepared for whatever the answer might be.

    If I were unhappy with the answers, or still bothered by what I had read, I would NOT allow him to 'keep' the children.

    As for my own kids, we've looked over their peers myspaces and conversed at length about the things that we read. I assure you that I keep my kids time occupied with other things to read and to do....
     
  7. Becca65

    Becca65 Well-Known Member

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    It depends on the kids, I read my DD's myspace and her close friends and i never see anything bad on their spaces, they are talking about school, and goofing around.. But i don't see anything over the line.. and the kids never put there addresses on there page, they mostly just put Michigan and i've even had my daughter take out where she goes to school, actually i think she did that on her own. But i ended up making my own myspace, that way i can view everything, and i have a few parents that have one too, and we talk back and forth.
     
  8. Pink_Carnation

    Pink_Carnation Well-Known Member

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    I would also mention to him what he posts there stays forever....future employers can and do look it up. Some people have been denied jobs because of stuff posted when they were younger
     
  9. farmhome5

    farmhome5 Well-Known Member

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    This isn't being nosey. This is concern for your bil and most importantly the safety of your children. I don't buy the he's not like that in person business. If they write it, they thought it, it's in their heads. I can't believe some of the things these kids think is OK. You don't have to make up a profile to check it out. All you have to do is register. I did and check out my daughters once in a while. I did it one night after everyone went to bed. I read everything on her page, viewed all pictures, read everything on everyone listed as buddies or friends. Hers is only one of two that I found even mentioning their families. She said, my family is the most important thing to me. The other was a boy with many kind words about his family and lovely pictures of them all together. Every other one had some four letter words, talk of drinking, drugs, sex and some nasty nasty other things. We talked about it the next morning. Some of these kids I didn't know and asked who they were. The only thing we both agreed she should do is take off and block three of those kids. I'm glad I did it. DD didn't think to much of it, said thanks mom at the end. Poor me I'm the one that has to look some of these other girls in the face after what I read. I interact with some at scouts and church. Gave a general heads up to parents that they really should read their kids my space. Did ask one girl in front of her mother "when did you turn 18?" she's only 13 and you wouldn't believe the pictures. What made me sad was it was the church girls that were by far the worst. I thanked God my daughters was what it was. Read on moms and talk, talk, talk with your kids.
     
  10. frogmammy

    frogmammy Well-Known Member Supporter

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    SewSilly, I like the way you do business!

    Mon
     
  11. BasicLiving

    BasicLiving Well-Known Member

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    I really agree with Sewsilly - talk with the boy about what you've seen and talk with his parents. You can't control how his parents handle the situation, but you can decide how you will and whether or not to have him around your children.

    Pink_Carnation is absolutely right about future employers reading his Myspace. There was a big article on this subject recently and many companies said they search potential employees names on the internet and read Myspace to judge the character of the individual. They also said that what they found often helped them determine to NOT hire the individual.

    My husband says the internet is like the wild, wild west. Parents need to know what thier kids are doing there.

    Penny
     
  12. pasotami

    pasotami Hangin out at the barn!

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    MySpace can be dangerous - my DD is in her twenties and has met several a "nice" man through reading - come to find out; it was a front. I do not like a place where one can go and "live" an imaginary life and a lot of young people do this through the internet. Unfortunately they go to this place to vent - which allows the world to see the horrid side of them. It use to be (my age) there was only the pages of a diary to do this which YOU KNEW your parents could find - that kept you in check. One also prayed - now they do not need that - they have the web.
    I would not consider you to be nosey - you are protecting the health and welfare of your family - that is what you should do. If this was some other kid, I do not think you would make any bones about confronting him with this. Your heart and your gut is RIGHT - if he shows this side of his heart and mind to the public when he has not even tried to hide his name and photo - then he will NOT hide this from your children - he may right now, but he will not later.
    I know several teenage to early 20 year olds that "hang" with my DS - they ALWAYS are very nice and respectful to me and act wonderful around me - I'm SURE their parol officer would love for them to just move in! Do what is right for your family - I would not only confront him but I would bluntly ask him if he hated woman or his mother by the things he said - I'd nail him..... but that is me and I'm often not right in what I do.
     
  13. chris30523

    chris30523 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with letting him know that you considered not letting him keep you kids because of what you read.I wouldn't condem him though alot of boys and girls do what they think makes them look cool.Don't you all remember being teenagers..I think they need to know though that what is written down can and will come back to haunt them..He probably isn't like that in person and is role playing.Alot of people on these sites are not who you think they are......
     
  14. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    I can still remember what it felt like the day after school when my mother confronted my twin sister about something she had written in her diary. It was the same day that I burned my own. It was also the day that something important was lost between my mother and myself - trust. No one child or adult likes to be spied upon.

    Of course that was 100 years ago, and there was not the dangers of the internet, and possible future employement connected to a teenage girls diary.

    I liked what the young lady said to her mother about one of the boys not being like that in person. She might not be able to put it into words but she understands that MYSPACE to many teens is a place to vent, and test you wings, and try out ideas on how to be one of the popular kids, to get away from the restraints of being parented. You know all the stuff that often helps you to decide which path you wish to take when the rest of the world accepts you as an adult.

    Just for these posts, I see that teenagers who have an open, honest, communication with their parents as having a lessor need to vent, and say things adults will not approve of, and their opposites struggling with not having had productive parenting in the first 12 plus years of their lives. Yes, I do mean that I see it both sides being equal to just what sort of life they have had prior to "MYSPACE" becoming an outlet.

    And yes SewSilly, you are very noisy - if it works for you please keep doing it.

    Hugs
    marlene
     
  15. Cyngbaeld

    Cyngbaeld In Remembrance Supporter

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    There is a lot of difference between a diary and a public forum. I would NEVER snoop into someone's diary, but I really think young people should be monitored on a public forum. Don't think that is nosey at all. My best friend made herself a page and monitors her sons' pages closely.

    I would not let that young man babysit my children if he acts like that when he thinks no adults are around. No telling WHAT he might do or say to the little ones.
     
  16. fantasymaker

    fantasymaker Well-Known Member

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    :rotfl: :dance: :rotfl:
     
  17. Jenn

    Jenn Well-Known Member Supporter

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    SO HElp me out here- can I get on to look at stuff without enrolling? If I enroll how do you recommend I do so? WIll I see all I want to enrolling as an adult?
     
  18. Maura

    Maura Well-Known Member Supporter

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    A public forum is public. I think if you confront this nephew he will get a new education in just what "public" means. Let him know that you no longer wish to have him babysit your kids. This is how you honestly feel and I don't blame you.

    He may learn discretion from this, but he will not learn to treat women with respect. It's not really your job to teach him to respect women, it's his parents, but it is your job to protect your kids, so do it.

    We're all in this together.
     
  19. Christine in OK

    Christine in OK Well-Known Member Supporter

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    A friend of mine has two high school age daughters and a 22 year old brother who is in the navy. After calling him out on a few things on his myspace page and pointing out that his neices were reading what was on there as well (he is away and uses it to keep in touch with family and friends here), she was impressed to see that he went and cleaned up his page so his 12 and 15 year old neices could read the entire thing!
     
  20. farmhome5

    farmhome5 Well-Known Member

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    Anyone with a computer can read what's on my space. You can't even compare it to a diary. I would never read someone's diary, big difference.
    Jenn, all you have to do is register, doesn't even take 5 minutes and you'll be able to see everything they have.