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bunny slave
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I have always had a rule with boyfriends and now, of course, with my DH: no non-emergency phone calls at work. I hate to chat on the phone in the first place, and when I'm at work, well, I'm at work. E-mail is fine, but I'd really rather stay off the phone except for truly necessary calls.

Well, as you may know, my MIL was recently diagnosed with severe lung cancer, and poor DH has been back and forth to the hospital and her apartment and everywhere else. So, he's been on the road rather than in his office and, of course, I have lifted the "phone ban" so he can keep me up on what's going on.

Except that now it's like the dam has broken, and almost 12 years of pent-up chitchat is pouring out! He calls 3X a day, easily, and keeps me on the phone forever, long after he's updated me on the news with his mom. His computer crashed when he stopped by work, and his co-worker blah blah and the goats this morning blah blah blah...

I'm not looking for help, as there really is nothing to be done. He whose mother is dying of lung cancer holds the trump card and gets to yap to his heart's content; the last thing he needs right now is grief from me. But...what can I do while he's doing this? Any good ideas for doodling? I keep trying to draw rabbits and I'm awful at it. I discovered today that I can't write with my left hand worth diddlysquat. Maybe there's an on-line Sudoku site I can keep handy? :shrug:

Yeah, just whining for the sake of whining...sorry. :p
 

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Be powerful. No other option exists.
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Blessings on you for understanding that he needs you in this way.

You are a gem of a wife.

Rose
 

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Very Dairy
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Aww, Trix, I think that's kinda sweet! :)

I have a similar problem. I hate talking on the phone, too, and DBF is the only one I'll willingly talk to, LOL! And actually, I LIKE talking to him ... but when I'm out at the farm, in my trailer, my cellphone reception is crappy! So when he calls me at lunchtime, I have to go outside and stand in the hot sun (arghh) or at the very least, stand just inside the front door ... whereupon I ALWAYS see something that I could be doing while we're chatting ... i.e., if I could reach that basket of laundry, I could hang it out on the clothesline! But every time I venture deeper into the Tin Tube, the signal starts to break up or the call is dropped altogether ... which drives him NUTS!

But I can't just stand there and talk! I gotta be doing something, AUGHHHHHHHHH!

Maybe I could try doodling rabbits? :p
 

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bunny slave
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4,389 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Thanks, all. This is so hard on him, and he is handling it all alone except for me. When all of this is long over, we may have to have a talk about future phone policies. :p

willow_girl said:
But I can't just stand there and talk! I gotta be doing something, AUGHHHHHHHHH!
Exactly! I have to find something I'm good at doodling. The rabbits look like zombies somehow. I used to draw horses when I was a kid, maybe I can still do that. I'll save it until the next phone call to find out!
 

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Halfway, OR & Wagoner, OK
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I'm the same way. I would just give him your full attention--for a short time, and then do like you would with anybody else, just say something like..."I'd love to keep chatting but I'm really busy here at work. See you when I get home."

I've done it lots of times, I don't see how that would hurt his feelings.
 

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Wiilow Girl- you could set up a little phone station next to the door. Maybe a chair, TV tray, and a pile of bills or papers. Or you could keep a laundry basket to fold with an empty one underneath to put it in for when he calls. That way you will have something ready to do and can still talk. I know things are hard to do one handed, but then it'll just take you longer and your boyfriend will get more attention! :)
 

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trixiwick said:
Exactly! I have to find something I'm good at doodling. The rabbits look like zombies somehow.
Maybe they hate chitchat, too.

Seriously, it's good of you to be there for him. I'm sure it's a relief to him to be able to chitchat over something normal while dealing with all that. I hope it goes as easily as possible for your MIL.
 

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Just howling at the moon
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When my exDH first lost his job and I wen tback to work outside the home, he would call me at work with the most stupid things.
"Guess what Victor Newman did today?"
"You is that, do I know him?"
"From the soap opera."
"You've got to be kidding me. Have ou ever in life seen me watch a soap opera?"
"It's pretty good."
"Goodbye."
 

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"What cha doin'?"

"Working"

"Oh......**long silence**....Well, I just wanted to check in..."

"ok, love you...Bye"

**15 min later....**

"What cha doin'?"

"WORKING"

"Oh...."

:flame:
 

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Premium Member
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My DH is also a doc and I have warned every staffer when I work "If Dr X calls and asks for me it's just my husband so don't interrupt me [as we would for a Dr calling about a patient, to keep them from waiting] if I'm with a patient unless he says it's a family emergency."
 

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Oh, my dh would drive you UP the wall! He will leave and call me before he gets off the dirt road! Then he will call me when he gets to work, then he calls at break/lunch/break/dinner/ bedtime/ first thing in the am/ and then it starts all over again! It drives our adult children crazy when they are here! He does the same thing if I go somewhere--he'll call three or four times in two hrs. If I am shopping he will call to ask me to pick up something--If he is shopping he calls to ask a price or opinion! Sometimes he just calls to say 'I love you'! I am so used to it, I don't even think about it--until one of the kids say--Do you think it's dad AGAIN???while shaking their head yes!
 

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I imagine that your husband is suffering and the calls help him cope with the cancer so that he doesn't have to think about it. Once MIL gets better you will need to put the dam back into place however.
 

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Menagerie More~on
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What a sweet, understanding wife you are trix!!

I agree with the headphones. I wore them all day at work and had a LOOOOONG cord. Both hands are free. I used to organize my sticky notes into categories, or rewrite them (mindless stuff to not lose attention). Since HE is needing the contact, I somehow doubt you need to "listen 100%". It's what we do with little kids while they yammer at us when cooking dinner or cleaning or whatever. They just need to "get it out" themselves, and the contact is more important than what is said :) . He's a lucky guy.
 
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