The daughter of a poor Irish farmer had not been home for over five years. When she did return, her father cursed her heavily.
“Where have ye been all this while, lass? Why did ye run off and not write us, not even a line? Why? Can ye not understand the pains you've poor ol' mother through? And yer brother and me too?”
Crying, the girl replies, "I know, I'm so sorry Daddy, I met a man but he dumped me and I had to do terrible things to survive. Sniff, sniff…daddy...I...became…a prostitute. But I've done well!”
“A what!?!?! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family. Now you'll be needin' to leave before your poor mother comes round, now go!”
“OK, papa, as ye wish. I only came to give Mum the old O'Riley estate and castle so she and you could live out your years in comfort having others do for you and poor mum for a change. And for my dear brother Declan I got him a nice Rolex watch because I know how much he loves watches and I brought a new Aston Martin DB10 for you daddy. I also wanted to invite you all for as long as you'd like on my 290' yacht on the French Riviera. I'm so sorry to have hurt you all but I'll leave, I don't want to hurt anybody anymore..."
At this point her daddy is more than curious so he says, "Now hold on lass, what is it ye said you've gone and done with yerself?"
"I became a prostitute daddy." she says.
"A prostitute!!!" he replies. "Sure and begorrah as God is my witness, you've scared me half to death lass! I thought you said you'd become a Protestant! Now come here and give yer old man a hug!"
Who after examining him says, “You have some problems with your heart but I think if you take some tablets you’ll be okay“, So the doctor gives him some tablets and the man asks “Do I have to take them every day?
“No“, “take one on Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday, and so on like that.“ Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street and sees the patient’s wife.
“Hello Mrs. Murphy“ He says “And how is your husband?“ “ he died of a heart attack,“ says Mrs. Murphy. “I am very sorry to hear that, ”Says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be alright.“
“All the tablets were fine“ says Mrs. Murphy “It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!“
The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub. There standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked him, "What are you doing?"
“Fishing” replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, “Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me.”
In the warm ambiance of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot resist asking,
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