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America...

the only place where you can go to a World Championship game with only one nation competing against themselves
 
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Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to California. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the
gorgeous legs."
"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again "Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."

At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, "Where
you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one
says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they
have senior discounts."
"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
“Okay, let’s give it a try."
 
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In what California city did the Flintstones’ family pet forget to apply his sunblock?

Sunburnadino
 

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California scientists are studying the impact cannabis seeds from the farms are having on the local seabird population

Apparently they are being thorough and are leaving no tern unstoned
 
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If a couple from Arkansas

move to California and get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?
 
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One night Johnny Carson got to talking about his Nebraska roots and he told this alleged true story during a sketch scene. Johnny mentioned that the most fearsome Indian tribe were not the Sioux, nor the Apache or even the Comanche Indians. No they were the Fahkarwee tribe!

Johnny went on to explain,: Almost every wagon train that crossed the prairie on their trek to California were known to have their wagon masters and scouts constantly scanning the horizon ahead the entire trip asking, "Where the Fahkarwee?"
 

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A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”

“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”
 

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What's the difference between California and the Titanic?

When the Titanic sunk, the lights were on.
 
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Blonde on an airplane

A blonde boards an airplane heading from California to Texas. She takes a seat in first class. The flight attendant taps her on the shoulder gently, and says, "Miss, your seat in is coach. I need you to move please." The blonde says, "No, I'm blonde and beautiful and I deserve to sit in first class." The flight attendant tries to reason with the woman for a moment before getting frustrated and goes to tell the pilot. The co-pilot stands up and says, "Don't worry, I'll deal with this." He goes back to first class and tells the blonde, "Excuse me, Miss, but I need you to take your seat in coach." Again, the blonde replies with a hair flip, "No, I'm blonde and beautiful and deserve to ride to Texas in first class." The co-pilot tries fruitlessly to reason with her and finally gets fed up and goes back to the cockpit. He tells the pilot what transpired and the pilot gets up to take care of the problem, saying, "Don't worry, my wife is blonde." Within 30 seconds of talking to her, the blonde gets wide eyes and grabs all her things to head back to her seat in coach. The flight attendant and co-pilot are shocked, they both ask, "What did you say to get her to move?!"

The pilot with a grin on his face, replies, "Easy, I told her that first class wasn't going to Texas."
 
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California scientists are studying the impact cannabis seeds from the farms are having on the local seabird population

Apparently they are being thorough and are leaving no tern unstoned
Paul Harvey fan huh?
 

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A young man from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in San Antonio."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up the boss came down to see how things went.

"How many sales did you make today?"

The young man replied without hesitating, "One."

"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?"

"$101,237.64"

"What the hell did you sell?!?"

"First I sold him a bag of #8 fish hooks, then I sold him a bag of #1 fish hooks, then I sold him a set of lures. I then sold him a new fishing rod. After I asked where he was going fishing and he told me he was going to the coast, I told him he would be best off with a boat, so I brought him over to the sea craft department and sold him that 24' twin engine Yamaha. He was doubtful that his Silverado could manage it, so I took him down to automotive and got set him up with the 4x4 F350."

"A guy came in here to buy some fish hooks and you sold him a boat and a truck?"

"No sir, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!"
 

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Actually yes,

I remember hearing the Tern story (as told by him) as a teenager. I always wondered if it was true or he was making a joke. Never forgot it either. Reminds me of sitting on the porch with my grandparents as they listened to it every day.
 

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I remember hearing the Tern story (as told by him) as a teenager. I always wondered if it was true or he was making a joke. Never forgot it either. Reminds me of sitting on the porch with my grandparents as they listened to it every day.
I remember coming in for lunch and listening to his program while we ate.

I wish he was still on the air.
 

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A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

"Don't worry;" says the doctor, "I'll put some cream on it." "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor, "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

"Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house."

"No, no, no!" says the doctor getting frustrated, "I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting you." "On my finger!" screamed the man in pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."

"Which one?" asked the doctor. "How am I supposed to know? All the bees look the same to me!"
 
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