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When ya gotta go....... ya gotta go...

 

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You know why they call it PMS? because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.



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A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of hatchling seagulls.

One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and gather some more. On the way
back, he spied four lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them.

Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transportation of
young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
 

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The Trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.

One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.

When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.

"Absolutely not!", said her son.
 

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Outside of being expert archers, William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

Unfortunately there was a fire and all the records were destroyed.

So we will never know for whom the Tells bowled.
 

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Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?


I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.


Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright—until they open their mouths.


If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.


I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Think I’m sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.
 
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