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a blond and her husband were lying in bed.
Neither could get to sleep because the next door neighbor's dog would not stop barking.
finally she had had it.
she got out of bed and went outside.
in a few minutes she was back. there, that ought to do it..
the husband said , what did you do? I can still hear it..
she said, I moved the dog into OUR yard.
Now let's see how THEY like it..
 

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The church was holding a wedding seminar, and tnhe preacher asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Luigi replied to his audience, "Well, I tried to treat her well and spend money on her. But the best thing I did was take her to Italy for our 20th anniversary."

The Priest said "Luigi, you are an inspiration to all husbands here today. Please tell the audience what you plan for your wife for your 50th anniversary." Luigi proudly replied "I'm gonna go and get her."

:p:eek::D
 

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Ah bet some could figure it out. Now this is a little harder:



Of course then put them in that 1960 Peugeot I had with four on the tree.

And if that isnt hard enough, put them in a Model T....





To check fuel:


To check oil (note many didnt have the sight glass, only the petcock, open petcock and if oil comes out, close it, you have enough oil...)
 

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in memoriam
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Discussion Starter · #30 ·
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday


:D Al
 

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A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I
can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2
hours.' The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How
long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a
half.’ The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob , do me a favor
follow him and see where he goes.

He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!
 

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A few years back, in a small Texas town, the local madam also operated the local telephone service.

When the police finally arrested her, they found her book of "talent." Each police officer was then assigned to investigate some "girls" from her book.

After a week, the Chief summoned each cop to report his findings.

"Detective Smith, what did you learn about the hookers on your list?"

"Chief, I'm sorry, but I need to disqualify myself," said Smith. "One of the women I interviewed is eighty-four years old and so charming that I have fallen in love with her."

"Dammit, boy!" shouted the Chief. "I'm surprised at you. You've been a cop for 25 years and here you go, falling for the oldest trick in the book!"
 

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A blind guy is setting in a bar and yells out, "Hey, does anyone want to hear a Blond joke?"
The bartender tells him that he is surrounded by really tough guys who are all blond, one is an Army Ranger, one is a Navy Seal, 2 are Professional Wrestlers, and one in a State Trooper. He asks the blind guy are you sure you want to tell a "Blond Joke" ? The blind guy yells back, Nope, not if I am going to have to explain it 5 times.
 

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A Scotsman moves to the USA & finally attends his first baseball game.

The first batter approached the batters box, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run," "Run."

The next batter hit a single & the Scotsman listened as the crowd again cheered "RUN, RUN."

The Scotsman enjoyed the game & began screaming with the fans.

The fifth batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "Walk" and the batter started his slow trot to first base.

The Scotsman stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye b*****d, Run!"

The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed, the Scotsman sat back down. A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over & explained, "He can't run, he's got four balls."

The Scotsman stood up and screamed, "Walk with Pride, laddie, Walk with Pride!"
 
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