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Speaking of bend over:

In the old days I can remember when the lady of the house would build a fire under the wash pot out in the yard and boil clothes to loosen the dirt. After boiling, she would remove them and use a washboard -- like ones you can still find in a flea market -- to scrub them clean before running them through a series of rinse waters. One of my favorite stories that came from this era was about a young lad who was late for school one frosty morning, in the dead of winter. When the principal demanded to know why he was late, this young lad said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” With this reply, the principal said, “Why don’t you just try me and see if I believe you.”

With this invitation he began by saying, “At our house for the past several weeks, pert near ever night we have had something out in the hen house stealing our chickens. After hearing a racket during the night, sure enough, the next morning we would have two or three chickens missing.

“My Pa finally had enough and he vowed that if it was the last thing he ever did, he was going to get that varmint. Well, last night, around midnight we heard the racket again and this time Pa was ready. He got out of bed, lit the coal oil lantern, got his 12-gauge shotgun down from the rack and, without any shoes on and still in his long handles, he headed for the hen house. When he got to the door, with the coal oil lantern in one hand his shot gun in the other, he began to shine the light back and forth to see what it was.

“After a bit, he could see the form of something larger than a chicken and then he picked up the reflection of its eyes. He slowly cocked the hammer of his shotgun and was getting ready to shoot, but because he was all bent over, the flap of his long handles came up. About that time our hound dog Blue came up behind him and cold-nosed him. Boy, you should have heard that shotgun when it went off. I bet they could hear it in the next county. Now, I told you that you would not believe me, but the reason I am late is because our whole family has been up picking chickens since 2 o’clock this morning.”
 

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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken" the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus.

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
 

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One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff.

Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice. As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine. Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild raspberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth.

It was incredibly delicious!

Author Unknown
 

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A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex.

Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka!"

The wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!"

The husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

The wife is on her knees, literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"

The husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina tim kouji!"

I can't believe you just sat there trying to read this!

You don't know Japanese!

You'll read anything as long as it's about sex....

Sometimes I worry about you.

You're in need of serious help!
 
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