need advice

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by straight shot, Jan 16, 2007.

  1. straight shot

    straight shot Well-Known Member

    May 8, 2006
    this should be simple for me yet it's not.

    My Godsons mom did child care for my daughters. I paid her $8per hr cash. Plus food for her family and my kids.
    She wanted cash so she didn't have to claim it on taxes.

    Now since I have been layed off work she expects me to do child care for FREE. I don't mind a few hrs a day but this is over 12, with no pay because he's my Godson.

    She is out of money so I buy her food TP and klenexes weekly, She is at the bar everynight since she got A JOB , should I let her be , because her kids need me , I m a reader of stories, planting of seeds , outside at all times person, and enjoy my time with my Godson, But I had enough and she needs to pay if she wants to work?

  2. Dorothea

    Dorothea Well-Known Member

    May 9, 2004
    northern wisconsin
    if she has the money to drink she has the money to pay you ..she is taking advantage of you

  3. Hip_Shot_Hanna

    Hip_Shot_Hanna Well-Known Member

    Apr 2, 2005
    She needs to pay you, and buy her own food, toilet paper, etc... instead of drinking down at the bar.

    You can point out to her that you paid her $8 an hour plus groceries.. and now she can pay you!
  4. DixyDoodle

    DixyDoodle stranger than fiction

    Nov 15, 2005
    Eastern Ontario, Canada
    Just tell her you can't because you are going to spend your days job-hunting and can't afford to not work at all. Maybe she will get the hint and pay you....or not. Anyone who can't pay a babysitter but afford to go partying at the bars is a leech.

    It is very simple. You can be taken advantage of or not.

    Why are you buying her food, etc? And yet she is blowing money on booze? ARGH! I would sit her right down and say "you need to get on a budget, I can't afford to take care of you anymore", and that is exactly what you are doing! Ok, I'm a bit of a jerk I guess, but some people need to learn to grow up. She is using your affection for her child to get a free ride. Just because you aren't spending money on her doesn't mean you can't help her get assistance from other sources.

  5. FiddleKat

    FiddleKat Mother,Artist, Author Supporter

    Oct 22, 2004
    East Tennessee
    I agree with what everyone else here has said.
    She's taking advantage of you!!

    Buying her food, TP and Kleenex is a good jesture if she really were in need. But she's able to go out drinking. Tisk Tisk.
    It amazes me to see people who complain they have no food for their children yet they can find the cash for booze or thier cigaretts.
  6. MomOf4

    MomOf4 Well-Known Member

    Jan 2, 2006
    This sounds just like 2 people I know... one spends what money she has buying rounds at the bar 6 nights a week, and leaves her 3 kids home alone with NO food in the house, the other makes $23K/year, has one child, and expects her father to babysit for free, in addition to paying her bills for her (he "loans" her about $20K a year, but she never pays it back).

    I have no sympathy for anyone who won't help themselves. We frequently help people get back on their feet, but our rule is, we won't help them unless they help themselves. Several times, these who we help have even stayed with us. We have turned away helping people who won't help themselves, and we make that rule very clear.

    You need to put your foot down. Don't let her take advantage of you anymore!!! If she has a job, she can buy her own groceries. If she doesn't make much, she should qualify for help. Depending on what she makes, she may not be able to afford much for daycare, but she needs to at least pay you something, and make up the difference on trade (babysitting, house cleaning, etc.).

    Sounds like you love your Godson, but a little creative compromising will make you feel less like you are being taken advantage of.
  7. sue currin

    sue currin Well-Known Member

    Aug 28, 2004
    Don't let her get away with taking you for a ride if you vaule your frendship, because resentment will set in and when it does, a frendship will be lost, and friends are worth fighting to keep. Good luck handling this hard problem. Helping her to become responable will also teach her child how the world works.
  8. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

    Aug 21, 2003
    Print out a copy of your post and give it to your Godson's mother.

  9. Jan Doling

    Jan Doling Well-Known Member

    May 21, 2004
    Zone 9b
    I think you need to rethink the quality of people you allow to care for your children. If she is in bars every night, I would limit her time around my kids. I might be picky, but that is not someone I would feel comfortable leaving my little ones alone with.
  10. Nan

    Nan Well-Known Member

    May 13, 2002
    Just tell her....that you have to be honest with her...and that you can't afford to help her out with groceries or sit for free anymore! Facts are facts! If you can't afford can't afford it...if she has been in your situation..she SHOULD understand...but if she doesn't have compassion on is HER problem...just plain tell her NO you can't do it. If you want to soften the blow....just tell her that you would like to be able to sit for her and help her out..but you just can't! Plain and simple! And...YES she IS taking advantage of you! Big time! Sounds like she is a pretty self-centered person!