Homesteading Forum banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
9,283 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Today DH and I stopped by the Nursing Home to visit his Mom.

She ask him who I was.

He said "This is Diane, my wife."

She said: "Wife! I didn't even know you were married!"


38 1/2 years of marriage, 5 kids and (almost) 9 grandchildren!
And his Mom never knew we were married!

We just smiled at one another.
What else is there to do?

Dementia is no fun. :Bawling:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
17,383 Posts
Yeah, my Mom had an episode like this. My ex wife stopped by and she asked "is this one of yours Al?"
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,906 Posts
yeah its pretty hard to watch your parents slide down into that. the mood swings are the hardest part for me to deal with.
 

·
If I need a Shelter
Joined
·
21,532 Posts
Yea the worst I seen with my GM was my Uncle Dead in her Bathroom for three days and her not knowing it. :(

big rockpile
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,163 Posts
Yeah it's tough when folks go downhill. Now, my cousin's mother didn't know he was married either, but that's because he didn't tell his family until 6 months after it happened. Didn't go over very well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,591 Posts
I can sure relate with what you're going through. My Mom has alzheimer's, and is 73, bedridden, & talks nothing but gibberish now days. She talks to her "Daddy" a lot, and doesn't have a clue who I am. I get so depressed sometimes when I visit her, I can't stand it and wonder, how many good years do I have left???
backwoods
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,163 Posts
Our former minister's husband was in his late 40s when Alzheimer's set in almost 20 years ago and it had a full hold on him by 51 or 52. She has to be the most devoted wife I've ever seen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,787 Posts
Alzheimers is such a devestating disease. My MIL doesn't know who any of us are anymore. It's so sad what her life has become.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,018 Posts
I live with it everyday, with my husband, who's 68 tomorrow.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,235 Posts
I think Alzheimer's is the saddest and most devastating disease process I've ever had to deal with ... in my case, first with my Grandmother (mother's mother) and then my father.

Mother, for whatever reason, had an incredibly difficult time dealing with GMs problems ... she tried, but she never could seem to deal with the reality that there would never be any improvement. Probably because she had been a primary school teacher most of her life, she just "knew" if she could present the things GM couldn't remember in just the right way, she could solve the memory problem. I ended up quitting my job to care for my GM the last 5 or 6 months of her life.

My father was even more heartbreaking as he had Alzheimer's at the time of mother's death, but it didn't seem too bad at the time. Everything was very routine, the same routine he had followed for 10 or more years, and mother was very skilled at including him in conversations and "reminding" him what was going on. People who only visited weren't really aware of how bad he was and even I didn't completely realize it until after mother's death.

He lived with me the last year of his life and I don't think I ever saw anything so heartbreaking as the times he actually "remembered" that she had died ... because for him, it was always an immediate memory and he never had the chance to work through any grief process.

My grandparents and my parents often said in their later years that they prayed for a quick death before they ... or their loved ones ... had to deal with the problems of Alzheimer's. Now that I am in that age group I certainly understand.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,750 Posts
susieM said:
My Mom came to visit me this year, as she does every two years, and I suspect that she has the beginnings of Alzheimer's. I emailed my siblings, who live near her, to try to open up a conversation about what to do and how to deal with it...and now NOBODY speaks to me, including my Mom.
Denial is easier to face than the truth in many cases. MIL has more and more memory loss (she has dementia) showing up, but everyone except me and Hubby (and MIL herself notices sometimes) refuses to see it. Hubby's brothers benefit too much from having MIL "together" so they act like nothing is wrong.

I'm sorry that your family doesn't speak to you, no one spoke to me any months after I brought it up with the family too.

Kat
 

·
wife,mom,taxi driver,cook
Joined
·
6,677 Posts
my grandmother no longer knows who I am or how many children I have. She too talks about her parents a lot and her brothers and doesn't always know that they're long gone. It is sad. she raised me for a good part of my life and it really breaks my heart now that the one person who was always there doesn't know me now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,117 Posts
largentdepoche said:
Denial is easier to face than the truth in many cases. MIL has more and more memory loss (she has dementia) showing up, but everyone except me and Hubby (and MIL herself notices sometimes) refuses to see it. Hubby's brothers benefit too much from having MIL "together" so they act like nothing is wrong.

I'm sorry that your family doesn't speak to you, no one spoke to me any months after I brought it up with the family too.

Kat
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I don' feel so all alone and isolated, after reading this.

The shame of it is that perhaps the disease could be better managed if it's caught in the early stages. I don't see any hope of this happening for my Mom, as I live in France and everybody else lives in Hawaii.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,937 Posts
My dad had dementia for a number of years before he died. He lived in a world where my Mum was his Mum, I was his sister, and he drove my Mum mad by insisting continually that we had 5 dogs (we had 4 at the time) and he was always looking for the fifth one, accused my Mum of hurting it etc. etc.

Looking back I think one of the worst things about losing him is that I always think I should have been able to do more for him/make him happier.

hoggie
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,751 Posts
I worked with these people on a daily for yrs, most/many of them are not frustrated by their diease. They are comfortable with their life and only get frustrated when challanged about their memory....If someone, corrects them or says 'now you know that's not right'! It is a terrible diease for those that are 'left behind'.. But I fell in love with many of these people and really enjoyed their company..some-- their families abandoned because they could not 'deal' w/ it. Many of these people are happy and more healthy than their peers. I had a 87yr old lady, with Alz. who walked 5miles everyday twice a day, she would get on her hand and knees and pick weeds out of her yard, she would help her neighbors because 'they were old', she could mow her little yard with a reel mower. I had another lady who thought she was on a cruise. Every day, she asked "where is our next stop, I need a few personal items. I must go top-side and speak to the captain"! Another lady, thought she was 30ish ( she was 77), she loved the movies, theater, out to dinner, dinner parties etc and we went to them all. I had many people who thought I was their sister, daughter, neice and/or mother! Enjoy those precious moments w/ your loved ones..It is difficult to see them so confused and may frustrate you but just smile and 'go along' with them. And realize this is a different stage in their life... and it has nothing to do with you or your love of them.. When you become frustrated, walk away and take a deep breath. and then go back but please always go back...QB
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,553 Posts
Thanks for sharing that Queen Bee - it might help put things more into prespective for some who are having to deal with the stress and fustration associated with a loved one who is no longer in the here and now with them.

The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I did volunteer work at a nursing home, and an elderly nurse basically taught me the same thing. That they are in their own world, and all their care givers and family can do is try to protect them from physical harm, and enjoy the fleeing moments when they are here with them.

Still, even knowing all there is to know about these diseases it has to be painful to have a spouse or parent not know who you are. I suppose the best you can do is to keep telling yourself that in their minds they are likely someplace in their past before you were a part of their life?

Hugs,
Marlene
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,750 Posts
susieM said:
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I don' feel so all alone and isolated, after reading this.

The shame of it is that perhaps the disease could be better managed if it's caught in the early stages. I don't see any hope of this happening for my Mom, as I live in France and everybody else lives in Hawaii.
Sure, no problem!

I understand about the catching it early, Hubby's family won't get MIL taken care of and it bugs me. She has dementia from many head injuries so there's not much to reverse or to prevent, but we could at least treat the symptoms to make her more comfortable. It's like talking to a brick wall with Hubby's family.

Katrina
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top